It takes two! Or four or maybe even six!
by lion vs snake
Summary: COMPLETED! Love is a long journey, and the road has many obstacles in store. read and review! JL SBOC RLOC
1. Just getting there

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing except my own characters and the plot! Everything else belongs to the goddess J K Rowling herself! Don't sue!**

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**Chapter 1**

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"Hey baby! How about swinging those hips over here! I could show you a _real_ good time!"

This guy was talking to a red headed girl who wore a short tartan skirt and a black tank top. She blushed and lowered her head; she wasn't used to being spoken to like that. The truth is, is that she wasn't used to attention from men unless it was for abuse. However, over the summer she had decided that she had had enough of being the stuck-up, prissy, know-it-all and wanted to be a laid back, fun loving, know-it-all. In order to do this she had bought a whole new wardrobe when she got home and started to listen to this new _punk rock_ that was coming out.

It had been one of her best friends Roxie, also a muggle born, to introduce this to her but all the same she had now really got into the scene. She had even invested in some makeup, and even though it was always subtle, unless going out, it really brought out her features. It made her look stunning.

Lily Evans made her way toward the Hogwarts Express. It was her last year at school and she was _really_ looking forward to it. As it was her last year it meant it was her NEWT year, but that didn't and couldn't bother her now, for she was appointed Head Girl over the holidays and that meant she could get away from the main Gryffindor quarters, i.e. get away from bloody_ Potter_. Just _thinking _about him made Lily's blood boil.

'_One of these days, I'll get him for every little bit of grief he's caused me.' _Lily thought to herself. She was thinking of little schemes she could use to get him back with until she was broken out of her reverie by a familiar voice.

"HEY! Lily! Over here!" A tall girl with waist length blonde hair who went by the name Roxie Kato was making her way through the crowd to meet one of her best friends. Always being the lively one she ran and jumped right into Lily's arms and threw her arms round her neck. She then stopped and stepped back.

"Merlin you've changed, Lils! I mean look at you! You're…you're…all grown up." She wiped away a mock tear and then carried on.

"I mean fucking hell Lils, look at your hair, you're legs, you're arse, and don't forget _these_ of course!" AS she said that she grabbed Lily's chest. Lily screamed.

"Roxie! What the hell are you doing? People are going to think that we're involved or something!" she said while laughing.

"Aww, Lils, you know that I don't mean it like that I just missed you, is all! And what? I thought a girl was _allowed_ to compliment her friends! It's not like I'm saying 'let me touch you're arse because I want you', am I?" Lily laughed; she loved the way Roxie would just say what was on her mind and not care what anyone thought.

"So," started Lily as they made their way over to the train, "what did you get up to over the summer?"

Roxie shrugged, "Nothing out of the ordinary, just chilled mainly it's cool now that I can use magic outside of school, I mean come on! I fucking apparated into the middle of a bloody Sex Pistols concert! I mean, wow! Good thing that all of the muggles were under influence otherwise they would have been a little suspicious!" Lily cut in, "You mean they _saw _you? What did they say?" Roxie just laughed, "Only one saw and he just said that I was an angel and followed me round asking me to grant him three wishes. I got to admit though it was amusing- oh hang on, there's Jess."

"JESS! OVER HERE BABE!" Jessica Nix, a short girl with black hair streaked with white turned around and squealed. "Lily! Rox! Where have you been all my life? I thought I'd never find you! Wow, Lils you look different." she pulled them both into a hug and kissed them both on the cheek. She was the athletic one out of the lot and was on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. She was a chaser.

The three girls boarded the train and found their own compartment. They dumped their bags on the top racks and then delved into girly conversation that carried on well into the journey, which is until it was interrupted by three boys.

"Morning Ladies! How are you all on this fine day that we return to our esteemed school?" Announced Sirius Black. Sirius Black. One third of a whole group that had the power to bring a girl to need a change of pants by just gracing them with his presence. He leant on the door frame and flashed one of is trademark smirks and winked at Roxie. She lifted an eyebrow to counter his 'attack' and he backed down. The story to these two was that Sirius wanted Roxie and let the whole school know; Roxie wanted Sirius but wouldn't admit it to anyone for shit. Lily and Jess looked at each other with amusement in their eyes. They could tell that Roxie wanted Sirius even if she wouldn't admit it, but she had never succumbed to her desire. '_Probably a good thing to.'_ Thought Lily. You see, Sirius had a reputation for leading a girl on until he got what he wanted, i.e. to get laid, and then would move on to find more prey. And even when people would ask him why when he wanted Roxie he would just reply, 'well, I gotta keep in practice so that I can knock her senseless when she comes round, and also because, well, what can I say? I _am _Sirius Black. I may as well let some girls dream come true in the process of working on mine.' This was always his standard answer or something along the lines of. Sirius came into the compartment and sat down next to Roxie, opposite Lily. He checked Lily once over and didn't make it subtle either. Lily rolled her eyes, "Like what you see Black?" she asked playfully. "As a matter of fact I do Evans, we should hook up sometime." He added with a wink. "No thank you Black, I'd rather not be another notch in your bed post." Sirius pouted. "Well the offer still stands if you ever want to take it up." He said grinning again. Lily stuck her tongue out at Sirius. "Mmm, don't tease me fox." Lily was about to retort when the compartment door slid back again.

"PRONGSIE! Where've you been mate? I was looking for you when I got side tracked by these wonderful ladies." He said, again adding a wink, though more directed at Roxie. James walked confidently into the carriage and sat down next to Lily. She looked at him with disgust and then rolled her eyes. He looked at her perplexed. 'What is it Evans? You look like you can smell something really bad, so it's obviously not me because I smell _really _good." He smirked and paused for effect, "…just ask that Hufflepuff sixth year down the train." His smirk then turned into a full on lop-sided grin that melted hearts all over Hogwarts. "Potter?" she asked innocently, "yes?" he replied in a deep sexy voice. Lily pretended to go all shy and looked into her lap and then into James deep blue eyes. "Will you…will, you, you know…" "Yes?" he said waiting her question with anticipation. "Will you…FUCK OFF MR I'M-SO-FAR-UP-MY-OWN-ARSE-I-CAN-SEE-MY-BRAIN…please?" she added back with her innocent voice.

Everyone in the compartment was dumbstruck. Lily Evans _never _swore, or at least that was what it was like before the summer. James was the most shocked out of them all. He sat there staring at her while she just stared back with defiance written all over her face. '_Holy shit!__ That was hot, she's still hot, and I thought I was over her after she stuck up for Snivellus. I was but now, holy monkeys she's fucking __HOT__ when she's angry. Uh oh, I'm going to have to have a cold shower when we get to Hogwarts. I do like that skirt on her, never realised she had nice legs…and look at that rack! It's sweet as! If this hard on is anything to go by I'd say I'm falling for her all over again!'_

"Yo! Earth to Prongs! Come in Prongs! Oh for the love of…JAMES!" James snapped out of his reverie and looked at Sirius who was grinning at him like the Cheshire cat. He looked at Sirius and then at Lily. "Um, I'm going to go find Moony. I'll see you guys later.' He muttered and dashed out of the compartment. Sirius then shrugged and followed James.

"Well, that was interesting." Said Lily in a tone of voice that suggested that things like that happened every day. "Sure was." Replied Roxie. "I wonder if he likes you again Lils, I mean, he stared at you for one hell of a long time. And then he ran out of here like his trousers were on fire…which they probably were, I mean, did you _see_ the tent he made? Bloody massive!" Lily looked at her friend with disappointment in her face. "Ugh no, not you too Rox, I thought you were above _the Marauders_." Sarcasm dripping off her last words. Roxie looked at her and smirked. "Oh trust me Lils, I'm above _that_ marauder, but you know what? I think this year I'm going to give Sirius what he wants. I'm going to shag him senseless." Roxie said confidently with her last sentence more of a declaration then a statement. "Sweetie, please, tell me you're not being serious." Lily said in an exasperated voice. "No silly, I'm not _being Sirius, _I'm _doing_ Sirius!" she said this as if speaking to a two year old. Lily lifted an eye brow, so did Roxie. Then they both peeled into laughter.

They didn't stop laughing until a quiet but deep and sexy voice sounded from the door. "Hey girls, look I just quickly stopped by to say that Lily, we have to be in the Head compartment in ten minutes and in uniform." Lily looked up into the amber eyes of Remus Lupin. "Oh, ok Remus, whatever you say!" she smiled at him, he smiled back. He then walked across the compartment and took a seat next to Jess. He whispered something in her ear and then bit it really softly, emitting a shudder of pleasure from the girl. Jess then turned to face him and pulled him into a searing kiss. He replied with as much fervour as she had. Her hands slid through his hair as she slipped her tongue into his mouth to caress his own. He groaned and picked her up with surprising strength, never once breaking the kiss, and set him on his lap where she straddled him, putting pressure on his increasing hardness. His hand started to stroke her thigh.

Lily and Roxie just looked at each other with their eyebrows far into their hairlines. "Heh hem." Said Roxie. The couple broke apart and faced the questioning looks directed at them. "I better go and put my robes on. I'll see you later girls, Jess." He added sheepishly and then took off down the train at a jog. Lily and Roxie looked at Jess incredulously. "Ok, ok! Before I get any questions I'll just explain the whole thing. Remus and I had a thing in the Library on the last day of term last year where everything came out and we were owling each other all holiday and I guess that was a small taster of the sexual tension that's been building up and I'm sorry you had to see that but now that he's come to see me I feel better." She took a deep breath and sunk down in her chair looking content. Lily smiled, "I did wonder why you were being so quiet so far. You had to get the nicest guy in the school didn't you! Lucky bitch! No I'm kidding, I love you really." She added quickly as she saw Jess's face. Roxie carried on for her, "and don't worry about it, we're also sorry that we had to see that." She said with a smile. Jess threw her jumper at her, but laughing at the same time. "Well, I'll see you guys later, I've got to go to the meeting." Lily said while picking up her robes. "Oh and that's another thing, when were you planning on telling us you got Head Girl?" Roxie asked with a cocked eyebrow. "I don't know, I suppose it didn't really occur to me." She said as she walked out the door with a smug look on her face. "Yeah right!" she heard Jess mutter under her breath. The smug look she carried only got bigger.

**A/N!**

**So! That's the first chapter of my first ever fan fic! I hope you enjoy! Please read and review! **

**Luv**** you all! **

**Snake! Mwah! **


	2. flash backs

**Chapter 2**

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The six friends sat in the Great Hall at the Gryffindor table waiting for the sorting ceremony to be over so that the feast could begin. James looked around at his friends and smiled. This would be the last ceremony that they would be at together. Sirius was obviously not listening, but was paying rather a lot of attention to the plates. He had a look of longing on his face. '_Padfoot, always bloody hungry, has to be eating something.' _

Next his gaze fell on Roxie. She was half listening to the ceremony but every now and then her gaze would fall on to Sirius. James smirked, _'I'll be keeping an eye on this development.' _He thought slyly. 

He then looked at Jess. She had her finders entwined with Remus's. James lifted an eye brow. _'I'll ask about that one later.'_

Then he noticed that Remus was watching the ceremony with all of his attention. Lily, Lily was also watching the ceremony as if entranced by it. Her emerald eyes sparkled with the thousands of candles that floated in the air. A soft golden halo shone in her hair, her pale complexion had a soft glow to it. James felt his stomach constrict. _'Merlin she's beautiful. Her skin looks so soft, and her eyes just sparkle. And she's clever. She's everything I want. But everything I can't have.' _He thought sadly. If only he hadn't done that to her back in fourth year, if only he had been mature enough to know that girls like Lily didn't go for attention seeking idiots like he was…and in her opinion still is. She went for romance, and sweet gestures. He had blown that in fourth year.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_flash back~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

"Hey Prongsie, how do you think wizards came to being? I mean, what came first, the muggle or the wizard?" Sirius and James were laying on their beds just chilling out. They were both in a slightly euphoric state after Amos Diggory had let them come out with the other seventh years for their first ever blaze. 

"Woah, that's deep Pads, real deep. I mean, yeah, I'm so with you on that one." James replied, not really caring what he was saying. I mean come on! He was stoned! Who cares if it makes sense as long as it makes sense to him?! Sirius started to chuckle, so did James. Ten minutes later they were still chuckling. 

"Man I feel good. We should go out with Diggory more often. I just feel so good, you know? Just good, I mean my life is good, I have good friends, I go to a good school, and I have good looking girls throwing themselves at me, but I'm in love so, you know, its all good." 

Sirius looked at James with glazed eyes and burst out laughing. "Mate! You must have just said 'good' about a million times! You classic!" Sirius said, still laughing. 

James guffawed. "You know, I think you're right! Anyway, what do you think about Evans?" He asked. 

Sirius sat up faster then a speeding bullet. "What you mean Little Miss Know-it-all Evans, with the cool red hair that has the potential to be hot but blows it because it's like she has a broomstick permanently lodged up her arse? That Evans?" said Sirius in all modestly. 

"That's the one." Replied James in a dream like state without a hint of remorse of what his best friend had just said. 

"I mean yeah, she's a bit up tight but, I really think she's beautiful and well, she's great. I'm so in love with her." He trailed off into a dream world thinking about Lily when Sirius burst out. 

"WHAT!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU _LOVE _HER? ARE YOU SURE IT'S NOT JUST THE BUD TALKING?" 

"No way man, I've been thinking about this for a while. Ever since I saw her on the train in first year I've wanted her. I think it's the bud that's actually made me realise the extent of how deep I care for her." James sighed. What chance did a Marauder have with an academic like Lily… '_Except for maybe Remus.'_

"Well, I reckon you're in luck. Guess what I overheard Roxie, Lily and Jess talking about earlier in charms?" said Sirius. James cocked an eyebrow in reply. "That Lily's ideal bloke is…" he cleared his throat and put on an extremely high voice. " 'James Potter but with a sensitive side' Sensitive my foot! What she really needs a damn good shagging. And I'm not talking about your every day, run of the mill wham bam thank you ma'am, I'm talking about wham bam thank you ma'am lets do that again, kind of thing." 

James laughed at his friend. "Okay Sirius, three things. One. Not all of us have lost it already. As much as I wish it wasn't so, I am still a virgin. Two. I don't think Lily would fall for that and three. If you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly that most sensitive guy, but from this moment I want to be. Help me Sirius!"

Sirius laughed and told him a plan. James liked it and set to it straight away. He staggered out of the room with a letter he had written to Lily. He put folded it into a paper aeroplane and charmed it to fly to Lily while trailing a path of lily flower petals. He then ran up to the astronomy tower and launched the paper. It immediately flew to Lily, petals going everywhere.

Ten minutes later the tower door creaked open. James spun and swayed a bit. His eyes still glazed from the smoking. "Wait…you're not Lily. You're Sasha Smith." A girlish giggle came from the other side of the room. Sasha Smith was a busty fifth year from Slytherin that had one hell of a reputation. Apparently she'd sleep with anything that had a pulse. James gave his lopsided grin. "You didn't see a red head on your way up, did you?" Sasha shook her head. James blinked, he hadn't realised that she was that close. I mean he could feel her breath mingling with his and her hand on his…oh god! That was turning him on. He closed his eyes and slightly pushed out his crotch to inflict more contact. She was feeling him through his robes. Her long nails provoking a tickling sensation.

"You like that baby?" James just shuddered in response as he felt her hot breath on his neck.

She smirked. She started to place feather light kisses all over his neck, he groaned, she smiled into his neck and bit down, hard. James cried out in pain but let her carry on all the same. He was so turned on and it didn't look like Lily was going to show now so well, what the hell? 

He yanked her back by her hair, looked into her eyes and then crashed his lips on top of her. She replied with just as much lust. Immediately his hand snaked under her robes and shirt and to her chest. 

James groaned, she wasn't wearing a bra. James caressed her breasts letting his thumbs sweep over her erect nipples. In response she pushed him to the floor and got on top of him. She started to grind her hips into his arousal. James bit his lip to stifle a whimper at the bottom of his throat. "Too many…take them off…free me." James manages to mutter a few words while the rest was all a bit too incoherent. 

Sasha got the drift and slid down his body. She undid the button of his trousers with nimble hands, but did the fly with her teeth. He felt her hot breath on his arousal which made it harden even more if that was possible. When the trousers were around his knees she trailed hot kisses back up his thighs.

She pulled down his boxers to free his erection. James sighed from the relief. Sasha crawled up his body, her hot breath getting closer to the tip of his arousal when…

"WHAT ON EARTH! JAMES! I CAN'T BELIEVE…WHAT ARE YOU?" Lily took a deep breath and carried on. "DID YOU TRICK ME TO COME UP HERE JUST SO THAT YOU COULD SHOW ME YOU GETTING SOME FROM THAT…THAT…_SLUT_?!" she screamed.

James pushed Sasha off of him and hastily pulled up his boxers and trousers. His hardness had completely depleted. "Lily, no that's not it…I can explain." He stuttered.

"Explain then." She said in a cold voice. James shuddered.

"Well, you see, it's just that, Sirius overheard you, Jess and Roxie in charms and well I really like you so I thought that I could show you that I can be sensitive." He said quietly while slowly walking towards her. Sasha sat in the room watching with amusement.

Lily's eyes filled with tears. She took a deep breath as if to steady her nerves. "You mean that _this_ was meant to show that you were _sensitive?_ I'm sorry James but if you think that this is a way to win a girls heart then you really are a sick twisted individual…"

"No! NO! This wasn't how it was suppose to turn out! But you see that, well, after a while you didn't turn up and well, Sasha did and…" James was about to carry on but was shocked into silence when he looked up to see silent tears burning their path down Lily's cheeks.

"You mean to say that as I didn't come quick enough to see you, you decided to settle with a cheap bitch that would as gladly give you head as give a teacher an assignment. And after this letter I thought I could trust you. Thank you James. Thank you for opening my eyes to let me see who you really are." Lily spoke softly in a strangled voice, hurt shining in her eyes.

"Lily, no that's not what I…please, I beg you listen to me." He begged, but to no avail.

"No James. You've opened my eyes, you can't shut them now. Not now, not never."

"But-"

"Never." And with that Lily walked out the room. And hasn't said as much as a whole sentence to him since.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_End Flash back~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

James felt the stinging in the back of his eyes that he hadn't felt for a while. Ever since the Snivellus incident he hadn't thought of that night. But now he did, it hurt just as much as before. In fact, he felt kind of guilty that he hadn't thought about it. Which just added to the pain.

"Yo James! Are you okay man? I mean that's the second time you've zoned out today." Sirius was waving a hand in James face.

"Ugh…what? Oh shit, yeah! Sorry, just well tired I guess. Hey Moony, what's the password? I'm really not that hungry. I just need to sleep." Remus turned around to face James from his conversation with Jess.

"It's Gillyweed. Are you sure you're feeling okay Prongs?" He asked concernedly.

"Just got a head ache, that's all. Look, I'll see you guys in the morning." And with that he got up and walked out of the hall. Before he turned out of the doors he looked back. Lily was watching him with a confused expression on her face. He turned away quickly not wanting anyone to see the glimmer in his eyes as he remembered the pain he had caused the only girl he had ever loved.

**A/N**

**Woah! Emotions running high in that one! I was going to make it longer buuuuut then I thought I should just hold on a bit! So…Love it? Hate it? All comments and criticisms appreciated! I'll try to respond to any revises/     e-mails I get asap! **

**Lola Grace: hey! Thanx for the review! Is this lay out better? Personally I think it is! You going to give me an ego!**

**Honeybunn3993: Yo! Thanx for the feed back! Made me feel wanted! *sniffs* LOL!**


	3. Never

**Chapter 3**

Sirius, Remus, Lily, Roxie and Jess just watched as James Potter walked away from them with his shoulders sagging. 

"I wonder what that was about." Said Roxie breaking the silence. Everyone just shrugged, except for Sirius who was deep in thought about something as he watched James.

"Sirius, do you know what that was about?" Sirius looked at Roxie. 

"What? Oh, no…no I don't know what that was about. He was fine on the train so I'm guessing he really does have a head ache." He finished and gave Remus a significant look. He nodded his said to signify that he understood. They would have to go see to their friend later.

That was the end of that conversation. Soon enough Sirius was back to normal flirting with Roxie and for once she was flirting back. Jess and Remus were engaged in conversation that seemed a bit lovey-dovey and personal to get involved with. Lily sighed. She felt left out already and it hadn't even been twenty four hours yet. 

'_Why do I get so lonely, I mean, when it's just me and the girls it's fine, but when there are guys around, I'm forgotten. I guess I'm just not forward enough. Well, that's going to change as of tomorrow morning.' _She thought to herself, secretly making a bargain that from tomorrow things would indeed change.

"Lily! Lily! Come back from planet Lily Head!" Jess was waving her hand in front of Lily's face. Lily snapped out of her reverie.

"Hey, the feasts over, let's go! Hey Moony, what did you say the password was?" 

"It's Gillyweed and sorry Padfoot; I'm not sleeping in with you guys anymore. Lil and I have our own quarters so we can do the rounds and everything. So I'll see you people later!" Remus went to walk off when two sets of hands grabbed him.

"What do you mean you're not sleeping with us? You mean to tell me you're moving out of the dorm? But that's crazy! That's where we come up with our best pranks!" Sirius was starting to rant and rave when Remus held up a hand to stop him.

"Padfoot! Hold on a second! Look, yeah so what I've got my own bedroom and stuff, but that _also_ means I have my own common room. Think of all the planning we can do there! And I'm only going to use my room for sleeping in, it's not like I'm never going to see you guys again!" Remus laughed as he saw Sirius's face go from a disappointed one to an ecstatic one.

"You mean you have your own common room? YES! Aww, this is going to be too sweet! I mean, now that we have a Head Boy in the Marauders we can bend rules to no end! I mean, it wasn't as good when you were a Prefect, but now, we have…power!" Sirius finished with a manic glint in his eyes and the left side of his mouth seemed to be twitching.

"Easy Pads, you dribbling. Well, I'll see you guys later." Again he was about to walk off when he realised that there was still a pair of hands on him. He turned around to see Jess's small figure and pretty face smiling up at him.

"I take it then I won't be sneaking up to the boys' dorm then tonight?" She put on a pout and faced down but looked up. Remus really had to refrain himself from ravishing her on the spot. He smiled at her with the trademark Marauder grin.

"You won't have to sneak anywhere babe, I mean, you could move into my room, if you want?" He cocked an eyebrow while waiting for her reply.

"No, I don't think I will-"

"Pardon?"

"Ha ha, kidding, I can't believe you even thought you had to ask!"

"Well, I thought I should at least be polite. Well, we'll be seeing you guys tomorrow then." He waved over his shoulder as he picked up Jess and ran through the crowd and the entire way up to his room. Leaving Lily standing there by her lonesome.

Lily shook her head and turned back round to face Sirius and Roxie. She was about to open her mouth to speak but Sirius spoke first.

"May I have the pleasure of walking you to your room, m'lady?" He offered an arm to prove that his gesture was nothing but gentlemanly.

"Oh, well, indeed good sir, you may have the pleasure of walking me to my room as you asked so nicely." Roxie smiled and a slight hint of blush tinted her cheeks, giving her an attractive, warm glow.

"Excellent, shall we?" 

"Indeed, yes." She took his arm and they strode out of the Great Hall while imitating an English Gentleman and his lady. Once again Lily was left by herself.

Later that evening Lily was sitting in her common room by herself. It was nearly time for rounds and Remus was no where to be seen. His room was unnaturally quiet so she could only guess that there was a silencing charm on the room. Lily shuddered; she didn't like to think what her friend was getting up to right now.

Five minutes later she got up and put on her robe. _'Guess I'm flying solo tonight.' _ She walked out of the portrait and begun her rounds.

It was late and therefore the castle was eerily silent. She shivered. '_Note to self: make a rule with Remus. No loving when there are rounds to be done.'_ She wasn't really paying attention, and had started to make her way back when the main doors to the Entrance Hall opened. She walked straight into the person walking out.

"POTTER! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" She yelled at him. Even though she knew it was her who wasn't paying attention. But she was in the mood for a shouting match tonight and James Potter never disappointed her.

James looked at her through down cast eyes. "Sorry Lily, it won't happen again."

Lily was momentarily caught off guard by his response. He hadn't shouted at her, he called her 'Lily'. That hadn't happened for quite a while. She got back on track and yelled at him again, trying to get a rise out of him.

"YEAH WELL, IT BETTER NOT HAPPEN AGAIN, BECAUSE IF IT DOES THEN THAT MEANS THAT YOU'RE OUT OF BED AFTER HOURS AGAIN." She lowered her voice to what she hoped was a threatening tone of voice. "And don't think that I won't report you because I will." She looked into James eyes and was taken aback for the second time when she saw how depressed he looked.

"Look Lily. I'm really not in the mood for arguing with you today. In fact I don't want to argue with you at all anymore. Cant we just put the past behind us?" He looked at her with questioning eyes.

Lily ignored his question but went straight back in to attack him. "What do you want Potter? Did the Hufflepuff sixth year from the journey say no? Or have you just broken another heart? Well, if that's the case then go you! That's got to be a new record for you!" she spoke with a malicious tone that dripped with sarcasm. James shook his head.

"No, I haven't done anything with the Hufflepuff. Lily please, I'm different now, I've changed. Can't you see that? Look, we haven't said two decent words to each other since fourth year-" 

"I wonder why." Lily interrupted again voice dripping with sarcasm.

James took a deep breath and carried on. "Can't we just be friends?" He held out his hand for her to shake and looked pleadingly at her. She felt so sorry for him that she almost decided to take his hand. Almost. She looked up at him.

"Never." She said strongly and walked off leaving James in her wake.

James slowly made his way back to the Gryffindor quarters. _'Well, I feel like shit. But god, she's attractive when she's angry. I swear she almost said yes.'_ "Gillyweed."

James walked into the common room and straight up to the boys' dorm. Remus was missing and Sirius was talking to Roxie in the common room. He hadn't even notice him come in. He sighed. He was lonely and turned on. '_Lily, if only you knew how you've been tormenting me all day. In that little skirt on the train, those angry pools of emerald, your fire like hair that flows down your back. Shit, I'm so hot for her right now.' _

He stripped down to his boxers and got into bed. He lay still and listened for any voices that could indicate someone walking up the stairs. Nothing. Sirius was still in the common room chatting. When he was positive he wasn't going to be interrupted he snaked his hand down to his hardness. He softly wrapped his hand around and slowly started to move it up and down. Teasing himself.

"Uh…oh god…Lily. Lily I want you so much." He was whispering to himself while thinking about his object of desire. He was building himself up too much, he needed release. He sped up, pumping and gripping in a rhythm. He was so close to climax. He was so close that he didn't hear voices at the door come to an end and then someone walk in.

He reached climax. "LILY! Ahh!" Small beads of sweat lined his forehead. He panted, his bare chest rising and falling. Only when his breathing went regular again did he remove his hand. He rolled over on to his side and saw Sirius there beaming from one side of his face to another.

"WHAT THE FUCK! SIRIUS! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN STANDING THERE?" James yelled, his face turning a deeper crimson every second. Sirius chuckled.

"Relax Pads, everyone has to relieve themselves sometime and anyway that was quite a show, I started to feel it to." Sirius said in a slow seductive voice.

"Ugh, gross Padfoot. Piss off. And anyway, why are you in such a good mood?" James said in an irritated voice.

"Well, two things really. One, I just caught one of my best friends wanking over a girl who he claimed to be well and truly over and two, I just asked Roxie to come to Hogsmeade with me and she actually said yes! On one condition though. I have to keep my hands to myself and not on any girl between now and the first Hogsmeade trip." Sirius jumped into bed in his boxers and exhaled deeply.

"I'm happy for you Padfoot. How long have you wanted her for now?" James asked.

"Hey! It's more then just wanting. I think I might actually like her more then for just a shag. And anyway, what's this about Lily? I thought you were over her?" he questioned.

"So did I. I thought I was well and truly over her. Its just that, today on the train, she seemed so…so…changed, but the same. The same fiery temper, but more expressive. The same face, but more beautiful, the same personality, but harder to reach. She knows what she wants Padfoot, and it sure as hell isn't me." James sighed.

"Prongs, listen to me. What you just said about her shows that you really do care for her, more then just you're average Joe. So I propose that you show her this. I mean, if she can change, why cant you?" Sirius said and yawned.

"Sirius, you're right man! I'll just work on it. I wont touch any other girl this year unless it's lily! What do you think?" He looked over to Sirius and chuckled. He was already asleep. James shook his head and turned over. Tomorrow would be his day; he would be a new and improved James Potter.

**A/N**

**Well that's the third chapter done and dusted! I want to thank people for their reviews again! Very cool! Well, I want to know what you think of this chapter! I think it's longer then the others so far but hey! I think that might be a good thing! Woohoo! Tell me what you think peeps! You know what to do!**

**Luv**** ya!**

**Snake xx**


	4. two! or four! or maybe even six!

**Chapter 4**

Lily awoke the next morning after a fitful sleep. She thought about the night previous and remembered what she had said to James, and how helpless he had seemed afterwards. _'I should be feeling good about myself. I got him back. I put him in his place. Why do I feel like shit about it?' _ 

She got out of bed, had a shower and got ready for the first day of proper lessons. She looked at herself in the mirror.

"How boring am I?" She said out loud. Then she remembered the promise she had made herself. A sly grin started to creep on to her face. She grabbed her make up bag and grabbed a green eye shadow, clear lip gloss, black eye liner and mascara. She applied all of her make up. She already looked great.

_'There's something missing.' _She thought to herself. Then it came to her. She grabbed the scrunchy that held in her ponytail and yanked it out. Then she ruffles her hair to give herself the just got out of bed look. She rolled up her skirt and undid a few of her buttons at the top of her shirt, then performed a shrinking charm on it to make it tighter. She looked back in the mirror. "Perfectly wicked." She said and then walked out of her dorm ready to go to breakfast.

* * *

  


James got out of bed in a rush. He had overslept! And on his first day! It already sucked not having Moony around to organise the rest of them. He looked over to where Sirius was also still asleep. He ran over to him and shook him awake. "Sirius man! Wake up!" An incoherent mumble sounded from a figure underneath the covers.

"Don't want to wake up…lets just stay in bed…heh heh haaaaaaa." James blinked. That had to be the single most disturbing sound he had ever heard made. How the hell was he supposed to wake Sirius up? He was the heaviest sleeper he knew! He smirked; he wasn't a Marauder for nothing. He murmured a spell under his voice.

"WAKEY WAKEY RISE AND SHINE!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE BLOODY FUCKING HELL? BASTARDS THE LOT OF YOU!" Sirius was visibly shaking from James _sonorous _wake up call and he scowled at James who was now doubled up on the floor from laughing so hard.

"Shut your face Prongs." Sirius said getting out of bed. He looked at the time. "Oh Shit!" he cursed then ran to get ready.

"Can't…stop…laughing…too….funny…WAHAHAHAAAA!" James was still curled up on the floor by the time Sirius had had a shower.

"Alright, it must've been funny, but get over it! Time to go to breakfast! I'm starving!

"Alright, I'll be down in two seconds."

* * *

  


Ten minutes later James and Sirius joined Roxie, Jess and Remus at the table. Lily hadn't arrived yet. James had tried to explain to Remus about the morning's incident but every time he did he ended up laughing and spraying everyone with toast.

"Just forget about it Prongs, I'm sure it was just one of those moments you had to be there." Said Remus in an exasperated tone.

James nodded and then looked at Sirius. Once again he started to chuckle in his deep rolling laugh. The Great Hall's doors swung open. James stopped laughing as quickly as he had started.

Lily Evans was strolling into the Great Hall with her head held high. James jaw dropped. He took in her skirt, her shirt- hang on, were those buttons straining against her chest? - Her hair and her make up. She looked like sex on very long legs. James felt his trousers become uncomfortable. "Bloody hormones" he said under his breath.

Lily looked around the Hall out of the corners of her eyes. _'Excellent. I have attracted the attention of…every guy in school. About ten percent of them are wolf whistling, another twenty percent are dribbling, and the rest of them look very uncomfortable in the…lower regions.' _She stopped as she looked over at the Gryffindor table. _'I even have the attention of one James Potter, interesting.'_

She sat down at the table purposely opposite James. She was going to really rub him the wrong way today. She looked him in the eye. She nodded her head politely, "James." She said. The rest of the gang's eyebrows' shot into their hair lines. Lily had called him by his _first_name?

"Lily." He managed to rasp out.

Lily smirked, perfect; she had got him all hot and bothered by the sounds of it. That'll teach him to try and mess with my head like he did last night. Next her gaze rested on Sirius.

"Hey Padfoot." She said seductively. "I was wondering if that offer still up for grabs?" she looked at him through long eyelashes.

Sirius smirked and was about to open his mouth when a small cough came from Roxie's direction. He shook himself. _'Don't screw up what you got coming to you Pads old boy.' _

Sirius shook his head. "You know what Lily, I'm afraid to say that it isn't. You see, I've seen the error in my ways and now I'm going to be a one woman man." Lily pouted the light reflecting off her lip gloss. James gulped.

"That's a shame. Well, I guess I'll see you guys in Charms. Bye then." She got up and left the table. She walked away with a swivel in her hips. When she left the Great Hall, she smiled to herself. '_Oh yeah, this is going to be fun.'_

* * *

  


Lily made her way to Charms early on purpose so that she could grab the perfect seat. She wanted to be to the side of the classroom at the front so that she was in view of everyone. It worked. As people started to file in all the boys would glance at her, and would carry on doing so while they sat down.

James Potter walked in and had a bimbo walking next to him. Giggling madly every time he said something. So it starts. A new year, a new set of girls trying to get in with the Marauders. Lily sat there wondering how long it would take James to flash one of his lop sided grins and invite her back to a broom closet later. But to her surprise, he just smiled awkwardly and sat down next to Sirius. '_What the hell was that Potter? Don't try to tell me you've changed your ways.' _

As the lesson progressed Lily made eyes at almost every boy in the class. She would even wink and smile cheekily at the good looking ones. However, while flirting she kept an eye on James. He sat next to Sirius at the back of the class, but instead of messing around like he had done for seven years previous, he was concentrating and taking notes. His brow was furrowed and his tongue sticking into his top lip.

She inwardly scoffed. _'James? Working? It wont last two seconds.'_So lily just got on with what she was doing, working and at the same time paying as much time as she could spare flirting with the boys.

* * *

  


While he was working James kept an eye on Lily. She was flirting and laughing with every man in sight except James. And was therefore causing his blood to boil. He ignored it though. He wouldn't let this get to him. He would be strong. He would show her that she wasn't the only one that was changing. I mean come on! He just turned down some hot blonde just to show her that he wasn't like how he used to be. He bit down on his cheek and forced himself to ignore what was going on. He was however satisfied in the surprised look she gave him when she saw that he was working.

_'I bet she thinks I wont keep this up. I'll show her.'_

And so he did. And it kept up for a long time until one of them finally exploded.

* * *

  


James was walking down the Hall going to Charms. It was Monday morning again, exactly a week from when he had started to behave in lessons and keep his hands off of girls.

James had become increasingly irritated and moody all the while Lily was building quite the fan base among all the Hogwarts boys.

"PRONGS! WAIT UP!" Sirius jogged up the corridor to catch up with his best friend.

"Hey Padfoot, what's up?" James asked dejectedly.

"Me, _I'm _up! I can't help myself! I have girls throwing themselves left right and centre at me and I cant do jack shit about it! This isn't _fair!_I want some action! I haven't gone this long without some, since fourth year! This is ridiculous! Me and my right hand have officially become best friends! And Roxie isn't helping. She keeps smiling at me, and winking suggestively, and then turning away! And _then_, get this Prongs, she'll bloody _talk _to me as if there isn't attraction! As if I don't have a raging hard on just from thinking about her in beautifully indecent ways!" Sirius was left breathless form his little rage. He took a deep breath and calmed himself down.

"I know what you're talking about man. I've had to pry the girls off of me. Trying to act all decent and loyal to one girl, and she's acting like I don't exist! At least you _know_there's going to be a reward for you at the end of the road. And at least Roxie isn't flirting with every guy like a rabbit in heat. I swear! Lily must have at least five guys walking her to class _every bloody fucking day!_" James was now the one breathing heavily.

The two guys heard chuckling from behind them. Remus walked up beside them and fell into stride with them.

"Having girl troubles then?" he asked brightly. They both just scowled at him.

"At least you're getting some Moony." Sirius said in a dark voice.

"And you will be to. It's only two more weeks until the first Hogsmeade visit."

"TWO WEEKS?! ARGH!" Sirius yelled his frustration. "Great two more weeks to be acquainted to my little friend here." He said while gesturing with his hand.

"_Little_friend eh? No wonder you haven't got any from Roxie yet."

"Bite me, Moony."

"Oh no, I don't think you'd want me to do that."

Sirius opened his mouth to talk again when he was silenced by James shouting over the top.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK YOU SHOULD BOTH SHUT UP RIGHT NOW BECAUSE YOU ACT LIKE YOU HAVE NOTHING GOING FOR YOU WHEN REALLY YOU'VE GOT IT A LOT BETTER THEN SOME OTHERS!" he lowered his voice and carried on.

"I just happen to have feelings for a girl who despises me, _never_wants to be my friend let alone girlfriend. And she's walking around with new guys every day." And with that he stormed ahead to go find a seat as far away from Lily as possible.

* * *

  


Friday night while Remus and Lily were doing rounds Remus decided to question Lily about what was going on.

"Lily, what are you doing?" he asked as politely as he could.

"I'm doing rounds with you, silly." She said, giggling.

"Ok, drop it Evans. That's what I'm talking about. This isn't you. When did you suddenly become so girly and flirtatious?" Lily dropped the act and scowled.

"Ever since I decided that I don't like who I used to be. I want people to notice me. I want guys to notice me and pay attention to me. Is that so much to ask?"

"No Lily, that isn't a lot to ask. But you're going the wrong way about it. Sure you're getting a lot of attention from guys, but from the wrong ones. The ones paying attention to you are the ones who think you're easy and want to get into you're pants!"

"Fuck off Remus, that's not the only reason they talk to me-"

"Oh isn't it? You mean to tell me that you know about these guys? I mean, do you know their surnames?"

"Well, no but-"

"Do you even know their first names?"

"Well, most of them, only a few bothered to tell me-"

"EXACTLY! Don't you see that they don't want you for you? Only the people who know what you're really like want you for you."

Lily thought about this, she thought back to all of the boys that had been hanging around with her. What they had been saying to her. Openly leering at her while they hadn't even told her their names. She felt ashamed. She felt dirty.

"Merlin, you're right Remus." She said quietly.

He nodded his head sympathetically. "Don't worry Lils, we'll find you a guy who's worthy enough for you." She smiled softly.

"Thank you Moony." He nodded. They had reached the ends of their rounds. They said good night and parted in the common room and went to bed.

* * *

  


The next morning was a Saturday. Lily didn't feel like eating so she skipped breakfast and went down late. She just caught the rest of the gang as they were going out to the lake. She decided to go with them.

They were all sitting under their favourite tree. Jess and Remus were laughing together huddled up and Roxie and Sirius rolled across the damp grass having a play fight. This left Lily and James to themselves.

Lily had noticed that James was getting moodier and moodier as the days progressed. She was feeling in a particularly spiteful mood today so she decided to talk to him.

"Hi James." She said in an innocent voice.

"Hey" he grunted back

"How you doing?"

"Fine."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"You seem really pissed off lately, I was just wondering why." She said in a mocking voice.

James couldn't take it anymore. Lily had been teasing him relentlessly for two weeks and she didn't even realise! How could she be so blind to the truth?! James who had already been on the verge was given that one little push that he needed. He stood up, glaring down at Lily.

"YOU WANT TO KNOW WHATS WRONG LILY? YOU KNOW WHAT? FOR SOMEONE WHOS AS INTELLIGENT AND BRILLIANT AS YOU, YOU'RE PRETTY FUCKING STUPID! I MEAN WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT? LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE DRESSED TO THE HILT EVERY DAY! YOU FLIRT WITH ANYTHING WITH A PULSE AND A DICK! EVERYONE BUT ME THAT IS! WHY IS THAT LILY? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? YOU ALREADY REJECTED MY FRIEDSHIP THE FIRST NIGHT WE WERE BACK. I HANDED IT TO YOU ON A _SILVER PLATTER_, AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU THROW IT IN MY _FACE!_I WATCH YOU EVERY DAY, BEING FOLLOWED BY THESE GUYS WHO THINK THAT THEY'RE GOING TO GET LUCKY! AND IT DRIVES ME MAD! _YOU_DRIVE ME MAD! I WANT YOU SO MUCH IT _HURTS_LILY, IT PHYSICALLY _HURTS! _AND I CANT DO JACK SHIT ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU _DESPISE _ME! YOU'RE JUST SO BRILLIANT AND BEAUTIFUL AND SO…YOU. BUT YOU CANT SEE THAT. WELL I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I'LL SEE YOU AROUND."

And with that he stormed off in the direction of the Quidditch pitch. Lily just stood open mouthed. Tears fell down her cheeks as she sat in shock, shaking from James seething voice. She looked at his retreating back.

"Oh James, I don't despise you." She whispered and ran off into the castle sobbing openly. She only stopped running when she got to her dorm.

* * *

  


Later that night Roxie, Jess, Remus and Sirius met in the Gryffindor common room.

"How's James?" asked Roxie.

Sirius just shook his head. "I've never seen him like this."

"How's Lily?" asked Remus. Roxie frowned.

"She isn't good. I think she's just come to grips that James actually likes her for her, not like one of those bloody idiots that hang around her trying to get an easy fuck. I think she also just came to terms with the fact that she doesn't hate him. To be honest with you, I think she never has. It's just he broke her heart in fourth year and I don't think it's properly mended." Sirius smirked.

"You know what this means, don't you?" They all shook their heads.

"That it's time to fix our friends up. Make them see what they're missing."

"That's all well and good Sirius, but have you forgotten that only our dear friend James has the balls to admit what he feels?" said Jess.

"Yeah, Siri, it takes two to tango." Roxie added. He smirked.

"It takes two, but then again, it could take four or maybe even six." Remus frowned.

"What on earth are you talking about Padfoot?"

"We, dear Moony," he said indicating to the whole group, "are going to help." He laughed his crazy laugh that he got when they had devised a prank. The others looked at each other with doubt.

Could Sirius be right?

Would this work?

**A/N**

**Wow, definitely longest chapter yet! Also the darkest, don't worry that wont happen often! I just wanted to get all of the darkness out of the way so it didn't spread over more chapters! There wasn't even any loving in this chapter! Don't worry; I plan for more of that to come…much more! So I promise sex, drugs, rock and roll! We all love stoner James and Sirius! **

**Just wanna say there's a new Harry Potter trailer! It's a bit sketchy, but it shows Harry picking on Draco in Hogsmeade and Draco looking scared! Hehe! I love Draco though! Here's the xx**


	5. Development of the Plan!

**Chapter 5**

The four friends were sitting around trying to devise a plan. Sirius had drawn out a list of conclusions. He looked down the list. His frown turned into a scheming grin. 

"I'VE GOT IT!" He yelled, looking extremely pleased with himself.

"What is it then? What are we going to do?" Remus asked, looking up from his DADA assignment.

"What is the _one_ thing that makes people blurt out their true feelings?" he asked slyly.

"Veratasium?" said Jess. Sirius furrowed his brow.

"Well, yeah there is that, but what is the one thing that makes people blurt out their feelings _and_ act on them?" He looked around the group hopefully. No one answered. He shook his head.

"The one thing that does all of what we need is that little thing called al-co-hol." He finished as if talking to two year olds. A large grin spread across Roxie's face.

"Brilliant! And I have just the plan. Have you heard of the new band 'The Clash?' Well, they're English _and _they're wizards, word around is that they are about to get signed. But they're playing one of their last gigs in Hogsmeade on Wednesday. They're not playing in The Three Broomsticks, but in some proper bar called The Flaming Bolt. It's a huge place, and they will be expecting loads of people to go from all over, but not from Hogwarts as it's a weekday. In other words, we could easily get served as long as we don't let slip that we are indeed from Hogwarts." Sirius looked ecstatic.

"Rox! You are nothing short of brilliant!" said Sirius before he grabbed her into a hug and kissed her messily on the forehead. He realised what he had done two seconds later and let go of her hastily.

"Uh…um….sorry, I got carried away." He blushed a little. Remus looked shocked. Since when did Sirius Black _ever _get shy around a girl?! Roxie also blushed.

"Its ok, I didn't mind." She looked up at Sirius and smiled sheepishly, Sirius smiled back.

"Hem hem, if we could get back on track here people!" Jess said interrupting the couple. "Look, we have a problem here. How the hell are we going to get them both to come? They've been holed up ever since they fought and it would be hard enough getting one to come, let alone both!" Sirius and Roxie exchanged looks then smirked.

"Leave them to us." They said in unison, and walked out of the common room. Remus looked at Jess, Jess looked at Remus.

"Uh oh, I smell trouble brewing." Jess nodded.

"Me too."

"Hey Jess, check this out, we're all alone…" He lifted an eyebrow suggestively. She didn't need to be asked twice. 

Remus grabbed her hand and pulled her up to his old dorm room. Dumbledore had assured him that his bed would always stay there in case he ever needed to be with friends.

~*~

James was once again sitting in the Quidditch stands. He tended to spend a lot of time here since he had blown it with Lily. Every time he thought about that, he felt wretched. The horrified look on her face, the tears flowing silently down her cheeks. It was like fourth year, except it was mow him with the broken heart.

Sirius sighed, he was watching James. He had come to find him and once again he found him in the stands with his head in his hands. He approached him, feeling his pocket making sure he still had the bag. He sat down next to James.

"How you doing Prongsie, mate?" James just shrugged in reply. Sirius took the bag out of his pocket and threw it down at James feet.

"You up for it?" James actually looked up to face Sirius. He smiled weakly.

"Hell fucking yeah." Sirius grinned; he would tell James about the gig when he was in a better, or drug induced, mood.

~*~

Roxie went up to Lily's room and knocked on the door.

"It's open!" Lily yelled through the door. Roxie pushed it open and was pleased when she saw Lily. She had given up on her sex kitten attitude by the looks of it. Lily looked at Roxie and noticed she was checking her over.

"I decided that it just wasn't me, I don't want those guys following me around any more." She was speaking quietly. Her hair had been pulled back up into a neat pony tail and her face was devoid of all make up.

"But, I feel so…plain now." Roxie smiled sympathetically and sat down next to her. She pulled her into a comforting one arm hug against her shoulder.

"Lils, you don't have to be either one extreme or the other. You can just wear a bit of make up to make your self stand out. And it wasn't so much your appearance that attracted those blokes. I mean, it helped, but it was just your attitude. That was what wasn't you. I thought you looked stunning when you did yourself up. Even though, your skirt and shirts! What the hell did you do! Use a shrinking charm on them?!" Roxie laughed and so did Lily.

"Only on my shirt, I just rolled up my skirt." She smiled sheepishly and then laughed and sighed.

"Hey well, I came for more then one reason. I obviously came to cheer you up, but you know that band we went to see at the beginning of the summer, you know, 'The Clash', well, they're playing I Hogsmeade this coming Wednesday, and _we_ are going!" Lily looked up smiling genuinely for the first time.

"Merlin, Rox! Are you sure! Ahh! I'm so there! But wait…Wednesday? That's a school night, so we won't get permission to go." Lily looked down sadly.

"Poor naïve Lily, we're not going to get permission, we're going to sneak out!" Lily looked startled.

"And how do you propose we do that? We can't exactly walk out the front door can we? And if I get caught it could be my badge!" 

"Ok, well first things first, we're not going to get caught. We're going with the Marauders. Secondly, we're not going out the front door but through one of the passages leading into Hogsmeade, and lastly you need to have some fun."

"Fine. And I guess that Potter's going as well then." Roxie frowned.

"Yeah, I suppose he will be. But don't worry Lils; they're playing at The Flaming Bolt. It's huge in there, and as they won't be expecting any Hogwarts people we'll easily get served! Go on, what do you say?" Lily smiled.

"I say I can't believe I let you talk me into this!" she then squealed and threw her arms around her friend's neck. Roxie returned the hug. She smiled, well; her side of the plan was done. She just hoped that Sirius's method was just as effective.

~*~

Sirius and James were still sitting outside in the Stands, but James felt much better already.

"Its just that, I…you know…yeah, you know?" James spoke with a slow voice.

"Oh yeah, I know Prongsie, I know." Sirius took another drag on his spliff. 

"Actually, I don't know. What were we talking about again?" James looked at Sirius and his faced cracked into a goofy grin.

"Er…I don't know." They looked at each other and fell into hysterical silent laughter. Their shoulders were shaking so violently that every time they looked at each others shoulders they'd start all over again. Sirius looked up at James. Tears of mirth rolling down his face.

"So anyway Prongsie wongsie old buddy old pal-"

"What is it that you want now Padfoot Wadfoot?" James started to guffaw again. Sirius chuckled.

"I don't want anything! What do _you _want?" James started to sing.

"Pass the Doobie to the left hand side!" Sirius passed James the smoke and pissed himself laughing again. But stopped as quickly as he started.

"But seriously, I _do _want something-"

"A shag?"

"Well, yeah, that but I want you to come to a gig on Wednesday, it's in the Flaming Bolt. Its going to be huge…I really want a shag right now."

"Yeah, I'm up for a gig. I'll be there!"

"Cool, good one, I don't think I could get it up though, I'm so fucked right now." Sirius said with all modesty.

"Me too!" James said and raised his hands in the air in triumph.

"Come on Prongsie wongsie, let's head back to the castle, I have a craving for carrots and chocolate."

"Me too, old boy, me too." James slapped him on the back in a brotherly fashion and they stumbled back across the grounds occasionally stopping for a breather.

**A/N**

**So that's the fifth chapter! YAY! Once again thank you for the reviews! I e-mail all of my reviewers back, but I forgot to express my opinion on Tom Felton to ****The all mighty and powerful*M! He is sooooooooooooooooooo hot! Its cool as well, I live well close to him, my ICT teacher has a little bro that goes to the same school as him! And my friend who is also called Sam has a friend who goes to his school and actually went out with him last year. Grr! But he broke up with her. Shame *evil me***

**Read and review!**

**Tell me what you think!**

**Soon to come: at the gig! Sirius and Roxie on the Hogsmeade (official) trip!**

**Luv**** ya!**

**Snake xx******


	6. a long night for all

**DISCLAIMER: **IS ON THE FIRST PAGE.

**Chapter 6**

Wednesday came around so fast that it had practically landed on top of everyone. Lily, Remus and Jess had done all of their homework already for the Thursday due to anxiety of suspicious teachers. Roxie, Sirius and James had just done everything as normal, i.e. leave everything to the last moment.

They were all sitting in charms Wednesday afternoon. It would be their last lesson of the day as they all had a free for the last period. The girls sat on one side of the classroom and the boys on the other. Tension was running high.

Looks were being passed between the two groups. Roxie and Sirius both had an excited glint to their eyes and Jess and Remus looked nervous. James and Lily refused to look anywhere besides their own work.

"Ok class! That'll be enough for today! I want you to read up on chapter seven for homework. That'll be all!" Professor Flitwick's high pitched voice rang out through the classroom. Lily looked at the charms teacher. He had just started this year and was pretty young. She had had her doubts about him to begin with, but he had surprised her with how good he was. 

"Lils! Are you coming or what?" Said Roxie in a loud voice, breaking through her thoughts. She carried on in a lower voice, "we have a lot to prepare for if you catch my meaning." She gave a wink and walked out of the classroom leaving Lily to wallow in her anxiousness.

Lily slowly walked back to the Head Rooms, thoughts flying through her head. She had been watching James all lesson. In fact, a lot of her thinking time was spent dwelling on the raven haired boy after his outburst at her. He avoided her like the plague now, and to be honest with herself, she missed him. She missed his lopsided grin and his low, rolling sexy laugh… _'Woah, did I just call Potter sexy? Holy shit, this isn't good.'_

Before she knew it she was at her portrait. "Acid pop."

She walked inside to find Remus sitting there by his lonesome. He looked up and smiled at her.

"Hey Red, how's it going?" She smiled, hoping that it looked genuine.

"Yeah, I'm fine! I'm really looking forward to tonight. I've seen The Clash once before, they're really good." Remus looked at her appraisingly. He saw right through her façade.

"Are you sure about that?" he asked gently.

"Yes, I'm sure, I mean a few don't think they're very good…but I do…" She stumbled before Remus interrupted her.

"You know that's not what I meant Red. I mean, are you sure about looking forward to tonight. I've been watching you ever since Prong's little outburst. Anything you want to talk about?" Lily looked at her friend and smiled weakly.

"How can a caring boy such as you belong to a group like the Marauders?" Remus grinned wolfishly.

"I may be caring, but there's a lot you don't know about me, I can be dangerous babe." He said lifting one of his eyebrows. Lily was about to speak when a voice spoke before her.

"Remus J Lupin! Did I just hear you call one of my best friends' _babe_?!" An angry Jess walked into the room.

"Uh, Jess! I didn't hear you come in…I didn't call her that meaning anything, I mean why would I…Lily…no that came out wrong…I mean why would I be interested when I have…no that also came out wrong…I love you?" He grinned sheepishly. Jess burst out laughing.

"I was only joking you arse! And yes, I'm sure Lily believes that you're dangerous. Especially after that." She said before wetting herself again.

"Hey! I can be dangerous!" Protested Remus. "You know I can be." He said in a low growl. A glint in his eyes. He then turned on Lily.

"So before we were _interrupted_" he said playfully at Jess, "_is _there anything you want to talk about?" He said in a concerned voice. Lily shook her head softly.

"No, its ok, it's just complicated, that's all." She smiled again and retreated into her own room.

She sat down on the bed when a knock sounded on the door. Roxie bounded in followed by Jess. 

"Lils! What you doing all holed up not getting ready! We're supposed to leave in two hours!" Roxie was bouncing up and down on Lily's bed; clearly her excitement had gotten the better of her.

"Calm down or you'll bloody explode you muppet!" Jess then rugby tackled Roxie and the two fell on to the bed laughing. Lily smiled weakly.

"Guys…I'm not sure if I can go tonight…" Lily started to stutter before being interrupted by the other two girls.

"WHAT??" Chorused Jess and Roxie.

"I mean, its just that, well Potter's going and well, I'm just not sure if it's a good idea if we're in the same room together, I mean, not even going into the fact that we're all going to be drinking…" She trailed off due to the evil look in Roxie's eyes.

"Lily, you are going tonight, and you are going to drink, and you are going to have fun, and you are _not _going to worry about what James thinks…and anyways, I'll need mental support for what I'm going to do tonight." She grinned at the other girls' perplexed looks.

"Why what are you doing?" Asked Jess. Roxie smirked.

"Why Sirius, of course!"  

And with that the girls' looked shocked, then gleeful and then peeled into laughter. They all ran into the bathroom the put the prefects' one to shame. They all jumped into the showers (there were multiple showers in Heads Room each with their own cubicle.) while holding a singing conversation on the top of the voices.

After showering they ran into the bed room and started to get dressed. It was a mad house! Jess and Roxie kept on having to _Accio _there clothes from their own dorm, which must've looked very strange to passers by. They spent ages selecting what clothes would be best. Once that was finally done, they did each other's hair and make up. They were ten minutes late to meet the guys already.

~*~

James, Sirius and Remus were standing at the stone statue of the witch waiting for the girls. They were already late.

"Dude! I swear if they make us late to this gig I'm going to shit Frisbees at the girls!" Sirius exclaimed while pacing the floor. Remus chuckled.

"Don't worry Pads, they'll be here soon, in fact, speak of the devils…" he trailed off when they came into full view; Remus took one look at Jess and went pale. This was of course due to the fact that all the blood had rushed to a _different_ part of his body. Sirius' furrowed face turned into a huge grin as he saw Roxie. He ran straight up the corridor to meet her. 

"M'lady, you looketh very fine tonighteth, in your mini skirteth and top…eth." He put on an old English accent and took her hand to kiss as he bowed. Roxie just laughed, Lily shook her head smiling and walked on. Jess had already sprung on Remus.

As they all gathered around the witch one more check was made. When they were sure the coast was completely clear James tapped his wand and the back split open to reveal a hole just big enough for one person to go through at a time.

"Are we going in there?" Lily asked uncertainly. James just shrugged and nodded weakly not meeting her gaze. The rest of the group noticed the awkwardness. Remus broke the silence.

"Come on then Prongs! We haven't got all day! Let's go already!" He said in a cheery voice. James nodded and his lopsided grin returned.

"I would say Ladies first but, well someone's got to catch them when they fall." He cheekily winked at the group then jumped into the hole.

Jess followed next, then Remus, then Lily. Soon enough Sirius and Roxie were alone.

She was about to step into the passage way when Sirius grabbed her around the waist from behind. He put his mouth by her ear.

"You look good enough to eat Roxie." He growled seductively. She smirked but didn't turn to face him.

"That's the plan Sirius." She purred back. Sirius bit back a moan, regained his composure then spoke again.

"You know, we don't have to go tonight, they won't miss us, and the dorm will be empty. It can be just you and me." He once again growled into her ear, but this time followed with a slow nip of her neck.

"Ahh, but Sirius. That would mean that we wouldn't have gone to Hogsmeade, and you know I don't go back on my word." While saying this she leant back into him, pressing herself into him. This time he moaned audibly. She smiled then broke free of his grip and entered the passage and didn't look back.

Sirius stood standing there. 

"It bloody happened again! How does she do that?!" He said to himself. "Foul temptress." He muttered and then disappeared down the passage way himself.

~*~

The six friends emerged one by one after a long walk down the passage way. But to Lily's surprise they weren't outside but were in another building. She turned around to a disgruntled Sirius who had just emerged from the passageway after a smug Roxie.

"Where are we Sirius?" she whispered, not wanting to raise her voice in fear of being heard by any occupants.

"We're in the cellars of Honeydukes, don't worry, we do this all the time. We've never been caught eiss=MsoNormal> 

ìB6B-: 


	7. A long night part 2

**DISCLAIMER: check out chapter 1**

**A/N: Ok, here's the rest of chapter 6, I don't know what the hell went on with uploading chapter 6 but it just wont do it! So I've split them into 2 bits! Sorry bout that guys! Here goes!**

**Chapter 7 (6b lol)**

"We're in the cellars of Honeydukes, don't worry, we do this all the time. We've never been caught either." He smiled at her reassuringly. She nodded in return.

The group made their way up the stairs and into the main floor of the shop. They walked past all the many shelves of sweets and through the front door, which Remus had opened with his wand.

When they were all outside and accounted for Remus locked the door again and turned to the group smiling.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Let's jet!"

The six friends all walked down the street laughing and joking with one another. Well that is that Roxie and Lily were laughing around, Jess and Remus were walking while whispering to each other, but James walked silently ahead. Sirius saw his friend and sighed. It looked like he had gone into one of his depressions. He did that an awful lot ever since he had had his flare-up with Lily. Sirius strolled up and dropped an arm casually round his friends shoulder and leaned on him.

"Come on Prongsie, lighten up. We're going to a gig, not a funeral." He said in a soft tone. James looked at him and shook his head.

"Yeah, lighten up. Easy enough for you to say. Roxie's all over you. She actually _wants_ you Padfoot. Lily doesn't want me." He looked to the floor and his shoulders sagged even more. "She'll never want me." He finished quietly and forlornly more to himself then his friend.

"Look Prongs, she really doesn't hate you as much as you think, she even said that after you shouted at her." Sirius said in a matter-of-fact tone. James took one look at his friend and smiled weakly.

"I can't believe that though."

"You don't think I'd make something up like that, do you Prongs?"

"It's not like I don't believe that she said that, it's more like I don't believe that she meant it." He paused for a while and sighed. He then looked up with a smile on his face. "But we can't have everything can we?" He put on a falsely cheerful voice trying to throw off Sirius. The trouble is, Sirius could see through this cover-up. And he knew that even though he didn't look it on the outside, his friend was dying inside.

~*~

Roxie and Lily walked behind everyone else laughing ad joking about everything and anything. Until Lily went serious.

"So, are you really going after Sirius tonight?" she asked in hushed tones.

"Yeah, I am. I mean, I've kept him in the dark long enough, and to be honest with you he drives me crazy!" she said in a high pitched voice.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean well, stuff that he does to me. For example, just before we went into the passageway he grabbed me from behind my waste and told me that I looked good enough to eat. But he said it in this voice that he uses when he's talking to me about that kind of stuff."

"What's the voice like?"

"I don't know how to explain it." She said thoughtfully, "it's like, um, like sex, but in a voice. If that made any sense that is. Honestly, I'm so glad he didn't hold onto me any longer then he did or I would've needed a change of knickers right then and there." Lily smirked at her friend. 

"You got it bad Rox." Lily said slyly.

"Well, yeah, everyone wants a piece of Sirius Black."

"I don't."

"Well, you're strange aren't you Lils? Well, fine everyone except you-

"And Jess."

"FINE! Everyone except you and Jess want a piece of Sirius." Roxie paused and looked at Lily who was looking at her with an eye brow raised and a piercing look. Roxie buckled under her gaze and started to fidget with her hands.

"You know I didn't mean it like that Roxie, I mean you really like him. It's more then just lust, isn't it?" Roxie looked down and then up into the emerald eyes of her best friend. Lily's eyes sparkled with shock for a brief second. It was the first time she had ever seen Roxie shy and blushing

"I really do Lils, I can't help it anymore. I really like him, but how do I know that he's not going to love me and leave me. I don't think I could take that." She spoke quietly, as if afraid of voicing her concern.

"Aww babe, you know he wouldn't do that, you're much too important to him for him to hurt you." Lily smiled at her encouragingly, making Roxie smile confidently back at her.

"You're right Lils. Sirius Black isn't going to know what hit him tonight. Woohoo! Watch out Black, here I come!" and with that last speech Roxie and Lily walked through the door of the Flaming Bolt in high spirits. Nothing could go wrong now.

~*~

A few hours of drinking and talking later the six friends were well and truly ripped.

Jess and Remus were in the corner kissing with wandering hands, Lily and Roxie were dancing, oblivious to anyone else and James and Sirius were at the bar where a very drunken conversation was taking place.

"You know what Prongsie Wongsie? I've just realised that Remus and Jess are in loooooooooooooove!" Sirius sang the last word just to make an impact.

"I know that Padfootsie, it's depressing to watch isn't it?" he slurred, one eye half closed.

"Why is that depressing then?" Sirius said before taking another swig of his sex on the beach.

"Because I'm in love and she doesn't love me…did you know that you're drinking a girl's drink?"

"This may be a girl's drink but it tastes good and it works because you're getting more and more attractive by the second. And what do you mean you're in love? You don't love Lily!" Sirius exclaimed nearly falling over.

"I do love Lily! And I know I do because seeing her and Rox surrounded by all those guys makes me want to hit them like a beast. I reckon I could get some really good moves in…" he trailed off and slowly stood up swaying a little bit. He started to chop his hands through the air thinking that he looked good.

Sirius would have found this hilarious if he had been watching but he wasn't. Instead his attention had been turned onto Roxie. As sure as James had said it she and Lily were surrounded by men. These men did not consist of Sirius so this pissed him off. She was supposed to be _his_ tonight! He managed to catch her eye, and instead of her backing off from the guys dancing with her and Lily, she smirked and got closer. She was playing a game with him.

_'Well, two can play that game Roxie.'_ He thought to himself

Sirius walked over to the nearest good looking girl and asked her to dance, of course she immediately said yes. He led her to the dance floor where people were jumping around while listening to The Clash. He chose a spot where he could keep an eye on Roxie, and also where she'd be sure to see him. When he had found that spot him and the girl started to dance and jump along to the riffs.

Roxie was dancing oblivious to her surroundings. She was high on alcohol and music, and Lily seemed to be enjoying herself too. She looked over at Sirius and saw him watch her dance with another man. He looked pissed off and…jealous? This made her smile, Sirius never got jealous of anyone.

_'I wonder how far I can push him until he grabs me and whisks me away to kiss me all over.' _She thought to herself, she had drunk so much that even her inner voice was slurred.

She watched his reaction as she got closer to the guy she was dancing with. She didn't even know his name but she didn't care, and neither did he by the looks of it. Then something happened she did not expect, she saw Sirius ask a busty, blonde girl to dance, and they were getting quite cosy.

Roxie felt a stab of jealous run through her system. In retaliation she pulled her guy closer, running her hands over his chest and down his back, she then leaned in pressing her body as close to him as she could. She turned her head and watched Sirius, daring him to rise up to the challenge. And he did.

Half an hour on the dance floor passed and both Sirius and Roxie had gotten very adventurous and inventive with their dance partners. Each step more intimate then the previous, but Roxie had won out in the end. She had kissed her dance partner.

Sirius stopped dancing as soon as this happened. He thought this was a simple game that she was playing, but this had caused an ache in him he didn't know could exist until that moment. He turned and left the dance floor leaving his blonde bombshell standing there in his wake.

As soon as she saw Sirius's reaction Roxie knew she had gone too far. She felt guilt wallow up from her stomach and also…nausea.

_'Ah fuck, I really shouldn't have drunk that much…shit.'_

She ran away off out of the Flaming bolt and into an alley next to it where she started to throw up all of the cocktails she had been knocking back a couple of hours before.

Sirius had taken his post standing next to an ever increasingly drunk James. He stood in silence, scanning the dance floor. Roxie wasn't there, and neither was the guy she had been dancing with.

"James! I…I don't hate you…I never really have…in fact these past couple of weeks I…I've missed you." Lily lookek@ 


	8. A long night part 3

**A/N: ok, once again, the upload didn't work properly! So I've carried on the original chapter into chapter 8 again! This whole thing chptr 6,7 and 8 were meant to be one! **

**Sorry bout this guys, its crazy!**

**Chapter 8…(6c)**

"I don't hate you."

"Bollocks."

"James! I…I don't hate you…I never really have…in fact these past couple of weeks I…I've missed you." Lily looked down to the floor so that James wouldn't see her blush. She was mentally kicking herself. Why the hell did she have to go and say that?! She looked up at James and saw him looking at her incredulously. He stepped forward and softly took one of her small hands in his, entwining their fingers.

"What did you just say?" he asked softly, not believing his own ears. 

"I…I said that I don't hate you and I…miss you." Lily replied in such a quiet voice James had to lean forward to hear her.

Lily looked up and noticed that James was extremely close to her. She could feel his warm breath on her lips, she licked them sub consciously. She wanted to kiss him, but she knew it was just the alcohol talking, not her own rational thoughts. She looked into his eyes and could feel herself starting to drown in the dark blue pools.

_'Oh my god, I'm going to kiss him. But that isn't right! I don't want to do it really; I'll regret it tomorrow morning. Are you sure? Are you sure this isn't what you want? You've been hiding from your feelings for a long time. It's time to let the damn break.'_

And it did. 

A torrent of emotion washed through her she wanted to be with James Potter. She wanted to kiss him. And before she knew what she was doing she had pressed her lips against his.

James was shocked to say the least. Here he was standing in the middle of Hogsmeade kissing Lily Evans. But what got to him the most was that he hadn't been the one to initiate the kiss. It had been her. He was so confused.

The kiss was getting deeper and deeper, more intimate by the moment until they heard someone coming towards them crying. They broke away to look at a distressed Roxie and the moment was gone.

~*~

Roxie was crouching in the far end of the alley way. Her head was still spinning but she didn't feel sick any more. She knew she had to get back to school but she didn't have her wand with her. So how she was supposed to do it she didn't know. 

She started to get up so that she could go back into the bar and find one of the guys. Hopefully they were up for going home. Personally, she hoped she found Sirius. Her head may have been spinning, but she was still horny and she really liked him. She started walking to the opening of the alleyway when she realised that she wasn't alone. There were two other people, a couple, leaning against the wall. Well actually the girl was against the wall with her legs wrapped around the guy's waist while he leant into her with his trousers and boxers around his ankles. It was obvious what they were doing.

_'Oh my god, how embarrassing, I have to walk past a couple while they're in the middle of a shag…hang on, I recognise that hair, and that voice...oh my god…'_

"Sirius?" she voiced her thoughts weakly, suddenly feeling ten times as light headed as she had been previously. Sirius turned his head to face where his name had come from. He locked eyes with Roxie while she stood there watching what he was doing. The expression of horror, hurt and betrayal stood so prominent on her face that as soon as he had seen it, he knew that this was a mistake. A huge mistake.

"Roxie?! What are you doing here?" He mentally kicked himself for saying that because as soon as he did tears welled up in her large eyes.

"I felt really ill, so I came outside to get some fresh air…and…and…" she couldn't finish her sentence. The tears were threatening to fall, but she wouldn't let him see her cry. She promised herself that every time she did spill tears for him. She ran passed him and into the centre of Hogsmeade, making her way to Honeydukes, hoping that someone had left it open so that she could get back to the castle as soon as possible.

"FUCK!" Sirius shouted as he hastily sorted himself out. He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid! He had actually thought that Roxie had left with another man, when really she had been throwing up everywhere and could have probably done with someone to help, even if it was just to be there. He ran after her, listening out for the sobs that echoed through the small town of Hogsmeade.

~*~

"Oh my god! Roxie babe, what's wrong?" Lily ran forward as did James to comfort their friend.

"Sirius…he…he…I saw him with…another girl." Another sob racked through Roxie's body as she collapsed into her friend's arms.

"Shh, I'm here for you Rox, I'm here." Lily spoke comforting words to her and she could feel her calming down. That was until Sirius stumbled into the town centre. He ignored James and Lily and went straight to Roxie. His eyes were pleading, he was more upset then she had seen him ever. But he had hurt her more then anyone else ever could have.

"Roxie please, let me explain, I made a huge mistake. I thought that you…" he trailed off when he saw the look of raw pain that flashed across her face. She understood now. He thought that she had gone off and slept with that guy. He had done this in what he thought was pay back.

She started to back away from him.

"How could you have even thought that Sirius?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I was stupid, Roxie please, don't walk away." He pleaded. But she just turned and carried on walking towards Honeydukes. She didn't dare look back, not wanting to risk his seeing fresh tears falling for him once again.

~*~

The journey back to Hogwarts was done in silence.

James and Lily were embarrassed to talk, Sirius had finally accepted that Roxie wasn't talking to him, and both James and Lily were pissed at Sirius for what he did.

They parted their separate ways as they got back into school. Lily headed for her own room while James took Roxie back to the Gryffindor quarters while Sirius lagged behind. Lily couldn't help but feel that warmth in her gut spread as she saw how well James looked put for his friends. And she really had noticed him tonight, one of his eyes were half closed from the alcohol, his hair was messier then ever but he looked more gorgeous to her then he ever had. But what really got to her was the fact that she had been fighting these feelings for him for so long that it felt scary to admit to them again.

When Lily got to her room she was overwhelmed. She had a lot of thinking to do. She noticed as she got into bed that Remus's room was strangely silent which only meant that there was a silencing charm around the room. She sighed, she had a feeling this was going to be one long night for everyone. 

**A/N: Hey peeps! I am so sorry that this has taken sooooo long to update! But I've been up to my eyes in AS levels and coursework! NOT ****FUN****! As a peace offering for my absence I've made this chapter reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaally long. I think it's about twelve pages! So I hope you enjoy! Read and review! Tell me what you think! Reviews are what keep me going! **

**LUV**** YA! **

**Snake xx**


	9. Blurry

**Hey ppl! Sorry it's taken me so long to update but you see I'm in the process of heavy revision for my AS levels! Scary stuff! Anywayz, I want to thank all of my reviewers, you mean a lot to me! And as you all know already I personally email all of my reviewers to say thank you! But in case you haven't got it…THANK YOU!!!!!!**

**Chapter 9**

Lily awoke groggily the next morning. She looked at her clock. _'Late for breakfast' _is what it showed. She groaned and walked out of bed and straight into the bathroom, she didn't feel like eating breakfast anyway. Her mouth felt like cotton and tasted like beer. 

_'Hmm, I don't remember drinking any beer…hang on I don't remember much really. I must've drunk a bit too much.' _

She brushed her teeth twice try to get the god-awful taste out of her mouth. She then had a shower, washing away the scent of the club. After spending long enough scrubbing she dried herself up and brushed her teeth three more times.

"Uegh, why does this taste never leave?" she pleaded to no one in particular.

She walked back into her room to get dressed and looked at herself in the mirror. The only aspect that gave away her lack of sleep last night was her eyes being heavy and bloodshot.

Ten minutes later she was walking down into the dungeons for potions and everything seemed as right as rain.

~

James awoke feeling great. He had a major hang over but he always took that as a sign that he had had a good night, he put on his glasses and looked at the time.

'Aww, shit! No time for a shower, oh well!' He ripped back his curtains happily then regretted the sudden movement as his head swam. 

He bustled around his room thinking of last night when he found he couldn't remember a thing. His eyes fell on Sirius and suddenly images flashed through his mind. 

'_Sirius…he upset Roxie…what did he?…oh shit…he slept with some other chick… Roxie wasn't happy…she cried...I took her to her staircase…er…blank…how did I get to my room?' _

He shook away the thoughts of Roxie and Sirius and frowned, Sirius was in for an arse kicking today for being such an idiot. _'But I may as well let him sleep right now. He still looks fucked.' _

James sighed and shook his head, he made his way down the boys' staircase with an annoying nagging in the back of his head. Something crucial had happened last night, he just couldn't remember.

"Oh well, maybe it'll come to me later." He said as he exited through the portrait.

~

Roxie lay awake. She had been awake since dawn and hadn't really been asleep for long before that. She couldn't get the image of Sirius out of her mind. She had remembered everything from last night, the guy she was dancing with to tease Sirius, the way she had thrown up in the alley, the pain and longing she had felt after she had caught him, and then the pleading look on his face. 

She sighed, _'dear brain of mine, what the fucking hell am I supposed to do? I guess it's a little bit my fault for leading him on but… the way he…it was payback? How could he even think of doing that to me?'_

_'Maybe because you've been rejecting him for about three years now he got tired of it.' _Replied the voice in her head.

_'Yeah, well, he always went with all the other girls, what was I supposed to do?'_

_'Maybe act on your feelings and not your pride? What would you have done if you were in Sirius's position?'_

_'Oh fuck off conscience, you suck.'_

_'Only cause you know I'm right.'_

That snapped Roxie out of her reverie, since when did consciences talk back like that? "Dude, I must still be drunk…what time is it? Late, right, I'll just clean up and make my way down to potions…why am I talking to myself? This is mad, I'm mad… Fuck."

~

Sirius heard James wake up and shut his eyes pretending to be asleep. To be truthful he hadn't slept one wink that night, all he had managed to do was think about Roxie and how much he had hurt her just by coming to a drunken conclusion. The way her eyes had widened in horror, then filled with hurt and betrayal, the way she had run to escape from him…

"Mmmmffff," he groaned and rolled over, "why am I such a dickhead?" 

He looked at his clock. _'Should be in first period.'_

He groaned again, double potions with Monoghen. There was no way he was going to get up for that.

~

Lily was sitting in Potions next to Roxie. She had tried to talk to her about last night but Monoghen shot them nasty glares every time one of them went to open their mouth. So instead Lily shot her a sympathetic look which promised that they would talk about it later.

She was setting up her cauldron making sure it was perfectly balanced above the flame and that she had all of her utensils out in perfect order. 

She then looked to the board at the instructions that Monoghen had put up. They were making a particularly nasty potion that would cause temporary blindness to anyone who drank it until they had drunk the antidote.

She started cutting and chopping, slicing and grinding all of her ingredients. She always paid meticulous attention to this part of potions, in fact, she was sure she was more careful doing this then she ever was in any other lesson. She was so absorbed in fact, that she didn't hear anything above her cauldron bubbling away, even when James came into the class and the professor started shouting at him.

~

James walked into potions with a distant sense of dread fast approaching with every step. He just couldn't understand it. _'Oh, hey! I'll see Lily in Potions! Lily? Oh no…'_

The Kiss, The Talk, The Everything, it all came flooding back, and for once in his life he was scared of seeing her. His breathing quickened as panic started to settle in.

"Shit, bollocks, shit, bollocks, arse, knickers, bastard!!" he closed the gap between himself and the door to the classroom cursing the whole way. He was about to reach for the handle to let himself in when he paused, took a deep breath to calm himself and lastly fixed his expression to look like it was just any normal day. He then opened the door and let himself into the classroom.

"POTTER! YOU'RE LATE! WHY ARE YOU _ALWAYS_ LATE TO MY CLASS?! THIS IS _SUPPOSED _TO BE YOUR NEWT'S YEAR!! ARE YOU SO ABOVE EVERYONE ELSE THAT YOU FEEL YOU CAN JUST _WALTZ _IN HERE AND PRODUCE A PERFECT BLINDNESS POTION?? WELL DO YOU??? ANSWER ME BOY!!" 

Monoghen ranted and raved on, the vein in his temple becoming more and more prominent. James had to try to stifle a laugh. If there was anything as enjoyable as a prank it was trying to see who could make Monoghen go the most purple. It was a game he and Sirius had played since first year.

He glanced around the class noting that everyone was watching the scene with laughter in their eyes. The Gryffindors were watching out of hilarity and the Slytherins out of maliciousness. Even Roxie was here and watching the scene with a trace of amusement in her eyes but then his gaze wandered upon a familiar red head. Lily. She hadn't even turned around. James looked at the back of her head longingly, willing her to turn around, to smile, catch his eye, and acknowledge his presence…anything to show that she noticed him. Nothing. He walked dejectedly to his seat and started to set everything up. 

But then a determined memory echoed _"I…I said that I don't hate you and I…miss you." _

_"What did you just say?"_

_"James! I…I don't hate you…I never really have…in fact these past couple of weeks I…I've missed you."_

His lips started to tingle as he remembered the kiss. And Oh! What a kiss it was! He remembered the pure rush of emotion he had felt on both his and Lily's part. It was then that he knew, it was then he realised that she had feelings for him. All he had to do was try to get her to admit it.

~

_ìB6B-ò„  _


	10. blurry part 2

~

Roxie watched James as he watched Lily. The emotion that he displayed in his eyes would have gone unnoticed to anyone who didn't recognise what was going on. 

She had tried to talk to Lily about last night, ask her about what to do with Sirius and also to sly a question in about the moment she had interrupted her in. But Lily seemed oblivious, she was so absorbed in her potions that she hadn't even noticed James walk in, she had even noticed the shouting. 

She smiled wickedly to herself, _'I cant wait to see her face when she remembers about James. Finally I'll be able to talk to her about it and get her to act rather then be so shy.' _She grinned to herself, their plan was starting to come together, maybe that night in Hogsmeade was useful after all. Sirius would be so happy, she felt her heart wrench. _'Oh Sirius.'___

~

It was nearly the end of the lesson and Lily still hadn't turned around to look at James. I mean _no one_ concentrated that hard in Potions, granted that it was an extremely complicated potion, but still, come on!

He finished up writing a note, and determined to make her acknowledge his existence he launched the note across the classroom and watched as it hit Roxie on the head and bounce to the floor. Roxie bent to pick it up.

_'No, no, no! Lily's meant to pick it up! Not you Roxie…okay, just please don't read it please don't...bollocks.'_

Roxie unfolded the letter but he didn't see her reaction as he was behind her. He watched her nudge Lily and slyly passed her the note under the table.

"What's this?" Lily asked Roxie, finally broken out of her potions reverie.

"It's for you, just read it." So she did. And as she did Lily watched Lily's eyes widen in shock and recollection, her face flush beetroot red, then go sickly white.

_Dearest Lily,_

_You have not acknowledged my existence today for the following reason(s):_

_a) __You are too absorbed in work and haven't actually noticed me coming in late and Monoghen shouting at me._

_b) __You have decided to ignore last night and pretend everything didn't happen._

_c) __You are too embarrassed to accept what you said to me and the fact that you kissed me and enjoyed it (don't say you didn't because I know you did)_

_d) __You don't remember a thing from last night and now you are only just remembering it_

_e) __All of the above (if that works, I'm not too sure if it does, but I like to think it does)_

_Circle one and throw back_

_Yours,_

_James P_

Lily stared at the parchment wide eyed with shock. She remembered it all so clearly. Why hadn't she remembered it before she remembered Roxie coming up to her…to them…but why hadn't she remembered what she had said and done?

_'Merlin I'm stupid.'_

She circled 'a' and 'd' and carefully checked the coast was clear before she lobbed it back over. She cringed as she watched the note nearly land in his potion. 

James picked up the note and rolled his eyes dramatically at Lily as she nearly landed the note in his potion. He took a deep breath and unfurled the note.

_'You are too absorbed in work and haven't actually noticed me coming in late and Monoghen shouting at me.' _And '_You don't remember a thing from last night and now you are only just remembering it' _where circled. 

**A/N: THE UPLOADING WENT STUPID AGAIN, I DUNNO, I GUESS THAT FF.****NET****JUST****DON****'T**** LIKE ME OR SOMETHING! LOL! HERE'S THE REST OF CHAPTER 9!! SORRY ABOUT THIS GUYS!**

_'Well,' _he thought to himself, _'at least she isn't ignoring the fact that it happened. That's a positive start.' _He scribbled another note down before throwing it back with better aim then Lily had previously.

Lily picked up the note and this time Roxie hadn't read it but she knew what the content would be as she watched her friend's eyes gain a worried glaze. 

Lily read the note expecting James to have written a sly comment. But he hadn't. All it said was:

_Lily,_

_Come with me to Hogsmeade weekend trip, we really need to talk, you know it and I know it, we have a lot of stuff to sort out between us._

_Yours,_

_James P_

Lily just sat staring at the piece of parchment and finally expelled a breath she didn't know she had been holding. 

She remembered the kiss as clearly as anything now. She remembered the torrent of emotion that she had finally let win her over and to be honest with herself she loved every minute of it. Old emotions that she had buried for James back in fourth year had started to emerge from her depths. It scared her. She didn't want to end up with a broken heart again. She _had_ loved him, more then he knew, more then anyone had known. There was only one thing for it.

_'Okay.'_

_Yours, _

_Lily_

**A/N: WOOWOO! ANOTHER CHAPTER OUT! AGAIN I WANT TO SAY SORRY FOR THE DELAY BUT AS I'VE SAID LOADSA TIMES, AS LEVELS SUCK ****AND****ARE**** REALLY HARD! LOTS OF REVISION ****AND****WORK****! SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE CHAPTER? GOOD? BAD? ****UGLY****?**

**READ ****AND**** REVIEW, YOU KNOW IT MAKES MY ****DAY****!!!**

**LUV**** YA!! **

**SNAKE XX**


	11. admittance

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!!! I WISH I DID COZ THEN I'D ****JUST**** MAKE DAN RADCLIFFE MY ****MAN**** SLAVE!!!! LOL!!!....I WONDER IF THAT WOULD ****WORK****…*LOOKS THOUGHTFULL***

**A/N: EXCUSE THE MADNESS, FEELING A BIT…GOOD, CAN'T THINK OF ANY OTHER WAY TO DESCRIBE IT!!! I HOPE THE UPLOADING ON THIS DOESN'T GO BAD, IN CASE IT DOES I'LL SPLIT THIS CHAPTER INTO TWO ****BITS****, BUT NO WORRIES BECAUSE I'LL POST THEM BOTH STRAIGHT AWAY!!! **

**Chapter 11**

"You are dismissed!" shouted Monoghen over the top of the class. Quickly they obeyed, no one ever wanted to be the last student left in the classroom with Professor Monoghen.

Lily took one look at James who was vanishing the remnants of contents of his cauldron. They locked eyes and all the bustle of the classroom was dimmed out, like a haze, it was there but it just isn't important.

James immediately felt Lily's eyes burn into him. He looked up to meet her wondering gaze and felt entranced as he fell into the pools of Emerald water.

Lily wasn't aware that she was staring, neither was she aware that Roxie was trying to get her attention by calling her name. She wasn't aware of anything except for the fact that she seemed to have thousands of butterflies in her stomach and fluttering through her veins until…

"OW! Roxie! That hurt, what was that for?" Lily snapped in Roxie's general direction. Roxie looked hurt for a split second before regaining her mask of comical indifference.

"I was snapping you out of your Potter Party. Come on Lils! You promised me we'd be able to talk about what happened last night, and we need to talk about what you are going to do at this weeks Hogsmeade trip." She whispered, her impatience starting to clearly show.

"Shit! Ok, I'm coming, God Rox, I'm so sorry I completely zoned out that whole period. I should really wake up…I guess I'm still shocked about last night…about everything." She put a gentle hand on Roxie's wrist and squeezed in softly. Roxie smiled weakly in return. For a moment she let her mask down but soon had it back up when she saw Lily sneak a quick glance at James.

Despite feeling like wanting to crawl into a hole and sleep there forever, the sight of Lily's face warmed her on the inside. There was a look of pure innocent wonder and calculation in her features. As if she were entranced yet judging all at once. Once again Roxie had to break Lily out of her reverie by giving her a quick tap on the shoulder. Lily shook her head and smiled.

"Come on, we can go to my room, we'll talk there." She smiled kindly at Roxie while leading her out by linking her arm through her best friend's.

~

Roxie sat on Lily's bed while Lily put her book bag away. When this task was finally done Lily sat opposite Roxie.

"What happened Rox? Why did it happen? What went so wrong?" Anxiously she looked at the blonde. She noticed the change in her that had occurred, the normal upbeat and in-your-face Roxie was no where in sight. In place was this small, innocent girl who looked desperate for a hug. That thought struck Lily and she then realised the extent at which Roxie had been hurt.

"Son of a…Roxie, please tell me? What happened?" Lily looked inquisitively at Roxie. She took a deep breath and started to reply.

"Ok, well you know my plan last night? To get Sirius? Well, it was going great until it seriously back fired right into my face. I want to say this now though before I go into the story, I know that some of it was my fault I wont deny that…as much as I want to." She took another deep breath to gather her thoughts then carried on.

"Well, okay. It all started when I had too much to drink and I decided that I was horny and I wanted Sirius _then._ And when I say then I mean I would have shagged him senseless on the dance floor if I had to. However, me being me, I had to play some sort of game with him first…god I'm so stupid."

"Well, you know when we were on the dance floor together and then I left to dance on my own? That's because of Sirius. He saw me and got jealous because I wasn't dancing with him. I thought this was really amusing so I decided instead to put him out of his misery I decided to drive him mad with want and jealousy. Everyone knows that the best shag is when it feels kind of restricted and forbidden…" she trailed off again thinking of Sirius and that…that _slut_ and how they were trying to hide against the wall.

"Anyway, then he grabbed this bimbo, fucking, ass hole, bitch faced _slut!_ And started dancing with her. It became a competition. Who would be the most daring and push the boundaries the furthest. Well, you know what me and Sirius are like; we enjoy a challenge no matter of the consequences." She whispered her last sentence. She always did that when admitting her true feelings as if it pained her to do so.

"Well I guess I won the game. I kissed the guy I was with. I don't know why, I don't know what possessed me to…all I know is that I did it and I regret even considering doing it. Afterwards I felt really ill and I ran outside and ended up spewing down an alley way. Trust, it's not a nice experience especially when you do this…" she held a bit of her hair out of the way of her temple and Lily saw a large bruise there for the first time.

Lily gasped. Roxie actually laughed softly. "I guess the first time I wretched I was a _little_ bit close to the wall." Lily smiled softly.

"So anyway, I was feeling a bit better so I decided I would go find Sirius. I was still horny so I thought you know, '_what the hell! I bet I still look gorgeous'_" She trailed of into silence again before looking up to meet Lily's gaze.

"I guess I found him sooner then I thought. That's when I ran into the town centre and found you and James devouring each others' faces! Lil, what do I do about Sirius? I know it was partially my fault, but he has some blame as well. But I really like him. Roxie then remembered a snippet of conversation that she had had with Lily before they had even stepped into the bar.

_"You know I didn't mean it like that Roxie, I mean you really like him. It's more then just lust, isn't it?" _

_I really do Lils, I can't help it anymore. I really like him, but how do I know that he's not going to love me and leave me. I don't think I could take that."_

_"Aww babe, you know he wouldn't do that, you're much too important to him for him to hurt you." _

She snorted at the last sentence that Lily had said on the subject until now. 

_'Wont hurt me… my arse he wont!' _Roxie thought to herself.

_'Come on, you know you were out of line as well, remember that look in his eyes? He's just as hurt as you are.' _Pleaded the voice in her head.

_'Yeah, I know you're right as usual…hey! I thought I told you to leave me alone! ...Bloody Conscience'_

She groaned and buried her head in Lily's bed and there she stayed till Lily spoke again.

"Well Roxie, there's only one thing that you can do about this. You need to get over it. I propose you do that by going with Sirius to Hogsmeade but coming with me and James as well. Don't give me that look, James and I do need to sort things out but so do you and Sirius. Anyways, we may need each other's support." 

"You're right Lils." Roxie said determinedly looking at her best friend before adopting a glazed look and smiling slightly. Lily knew she was thinking about the object of her desire.

"You really do like him don't you? I really is more then just lust isn't it?" She spoke softly, her piercing gaze enough to rival Professor Dumbledore's. Roxie looked away. It seemed Lily remembered their conversation as well.

Roxie sighed again. "You know the answer to that Lils. I really like him…hell… it really wouldn't surprise me that, judging by the pain I felt last night, that I was starting to feel more for him then just… _liking_." She blushed a little and buried her head back into Lily's bed sheets.

"Oh my god Rox. Are saying that… are you falling for Sirius Black?" she asked disbelievingly.

Roxie lifted her head finally and replied in a defeated, pain streaked voice. Tears starting to roll down her face.

"Hook, line and sodding, sinker."


	12. stolen moments

**Chapter 12**

The rest of Thursday and Friday passed uneventfully for the six friends. Friday had started off interestingly as Roxie and Sirius had spoken awkwardly at breakfast exchanging the routine 'hi' but that was it. It wasn't until after classes when Roxie was sitting by herself by the lake that things took a turn.

She sat by herself enjoying the view. The sun was setting and it was so beautiful it was one of those moments she wished she was a painter, just so that the moment could be captured forever. She sat entranced by the sky, so focused that she didn't realise some one was approaching her.

Sirius had managed to drag out of Jess that Roxie was sitting by the lake so he decided he had to try to make it up with her. Besides, James had told him that he and Roxie would be going to Hogsmeade with Lily and James.

When he saw her his breath caught in his throat and his mouth was suddenly dry. _'Merlin she's so beautiful.' _He just stood there for a moment watching how the orange sun reflected off her long blonde hair giving it a golden hue. She looked like a delicate angel with a halo. 

He felt a tugging in his chest and realisation hit him like a blow to the stomach. 

_'What do you do to me Roxie? You change me. When I see you I no longer want to grab you and ravish you until the cows come home. I don't want to do that any more. I just want to lay you down and worship you. Give you and your divine body the affection it needs. I don't want to fuck you, I want to make love to you… shit Roxie, if only I could tell you this out loud. I think I love you Roxie…I have done for years. I've been falling deeper and deeper, but now…now I know that I'm too deep to be rescued. I love you Roxie Kato. I always will. I just have to win you back, and as God as my witness, I _will_ get you back.' _

With Sirius's inner speech/ pep talk done he strolled up to where Roxie was sitting and took a deep breath ready to talk.

"Hey Roxie…do you mind if I sit here?" Roxie looked shocked to the shy face of Sirius Black. Her eyebrows raised in surprise. _'Is he being _shy?_ That's not like him at all!'_

Even though her mind was working over time she still managed a cool "Yeah sure. Knock yourself out, I'm leaving anyway." She couldn't stand this. She couldn't even sit with him at breakfast without wanting to run away. And now they were alone under the big tree and she was afraid to be alone with him. How on earth was she supposed to go to Hogsmeade with him tomorrow?

She removed herself from where she sat and went to walk away when a hand softly grabbed her wrist. She spun around to look into the pleading eyes of Sirius Black.

"Please stay Rox. We really need to talk about what happened on Wednesday. I was such an idiot to think and do what I did. Please sit and talk to me Rox. Its killing me knowing that I've hurt the one girl I …I've ever really felt for." Once again his faced started to burn. Roxie took one look at him and decided this wasn't Sirius Black.

"Who are you and what have you done with the real Sirius Black?" her voice was flat and bored, but her eyes betrayed her, she wanted to believe every word that was spilling out of this mans mouth.

Noting the look in her eye Sirius took the opportunity to pull her back down onto the ground.

"What are you talking about you crazy blonde witch? I _am _Sirius Black, just because I'm being sincere for a change doesn't mean I'm a different person! I mean, even though I'm apologising and everything doesn't mean I don't have the guts to do this…" 

Roxie's eyes widened in shock as Sirius's hand, which was on her wrist, raised and curled round the back of her head to pulled her in for a short but sweet kiss.

He pulled away quickly and looked deep into her eyes. He could see the internal struggle that she was having. It was between wanting to hit him and storm off and wanting to kiss him and stay. He smiled softly at her and Roxie gasped internally. She'd never seen him smile like that; it wasn't his normal triumphant grin, but more caring and delicate…loving even. She made up her mind.

"You really hurt me Sirius." She said softly looking into his eyes. She saw the pain flash through them after she had said these words.

"I know Rox, I'm so sorry, I really am. I've never been sorrier about anything in my life and considering I nearly got Snivellus killed in fifth year I'd say that I really am pretty damn sorry." His eyes pleaded to her to forgive him. There was a look in them that she had never seen before. But what it was she couldn't have said.

She lifted a hand up and he winced expecting her to slap him for touching her. Hell he wouldn't blame her. But instead of a stinging blow, he felt soft fingertips brush his cheek. He opened his eyes slowly to come face to face with this virtuous girl in front of him. Once again his chest constricted and his breathing became short. All of this just from one touch.

"You're forgiven, just don't hurt me again, I don't think I could take that."

She leant forward slowly and captured his lips in a delicate and innocent kiss. She pulled away slightly as if she had been testing the water but was quickly pulled back down to meet him in another kiss by his strong hands. She relented swiftly.

After ten minutes of this they pulled away, both gasping for breath.

Roxie looked at him and for once in his life he looked sheepish and shy. That had been the first time she had smiled at him since that defining moment in Hogsmeade.

~

Saturday rolled around and Lily was woken up by a stream of sunlight breaking through the gap in her curtains. She groaned slightly and rolled over to go back to sleep considering she had had trouble getting to sleep last night in the first place, then it dawned on her. She was meeting James in Hogsmeade: today. 

Tiredness evaporated she jumped out of bed and then steadied herself from the head rush. She ran to her wardrobe trying to find the perfect clothes to wear. 

_'Ooh! I have a black skirt…no no NO! That's too short for this occasion. Okay…another skirt, a bit longer…but its red…RED! That's the colour of passion…can't wear that either. But I want to look nice…OOH! JEANS! __BLUE__ JEANS! Marvellous!' _

She laid her jeans neatly on her bed. 

_'Right…a top…well I could wear…nope, to saintly. How about…this one…green…a nice neutral colour…shows a bit of cleavage…not too much though…YES! This is it!_

_'Right now shoes, trainers all the way. Cant look to dressed up for the first date.'_

She paused.

_'First date? Where on earth did that come from? This is NOT a date Lily Evans! This is talking to the man…no boy…that is James Potter.'_

She nodded sternly at her reflection after inwardly scolding herself. She then walked into the shower as calmly as possible just to show herself that she couldn't _possibly_ be excited about having a …meeting…with James Potter.

~

Lily walked into the Great Hall for breakfast an hour later. She had decided to definitely wear the jeans and green top, but had changed her mind on the trainers to put boots on. They were casual with a low heel, and instead of being leather were a ice soft suede. She decided that it looked business like and went perfect with the nature of this date. _'No! Meeting!'_

Lily sat by herself as no one else had arrived yet. She looked around and noticed that everyone who was seated in the Hall, mainly third years, were excited at the prospect of the first Hogsmeade trip.

Lily had finished her breakfast and was about to leave when Roxie decided to show up. She too was wearing casual jeans, a top (which showed a little more then Lily's did), and boots (which were also a little more flashy then Lily's with a higher, metal heel and denim patches).

Roxie sat down opposite Lily, looking as nervous as Lily felt. 

"So…you brought out the 'El Dantes'?" Lily said referring to the boots.

"Yeah, I thought I would, I mean it is the first date…NO! It's not a date…it's _not_ a date!" she said more to herself then Lily.

Lily laughed quietly.

"What you laughing at Evans?" Roxie reprimanded Lily.

"It's just that I've been telling myself that all morning… it's not date, but a meeting."

Roxie looked at Lily and smiled.

"We're in deep shit…you know that right?"

"Just what I was thinking Rox, just what I was thinking."

~

Sirius and James stood in the Entrance Hall both looking around to find their dates.

"Dude, I'm so nervous, me and Lils are going to be talking about Hogsmeade, what if she tells me it was a mistake after all and that it was only the alcohol talking?!" said James in a panicky voice.

Sirius took one look at him and shook his head. 

"Honestly man, the way you're going on you'd think a preadolescent girl was trapped in your body. Not quit worrying and calm down! Look, the girls are on their way over so don't cock it up, ok?" He spoke with a harsh tone which indicated to James that he was just as nervous as James was; he just wasn't going to show it.

Roxie and Lily made their way through the throng of students towards the boys. 

"Well, this is it. Are you ready Lils?"

"Yes, are you? Have you and Sirius made it up yet?" she asked unknowingly.

"Yeah, we've…talked." Roxie smiled softly and sub consciously touched her lips when she thought of that kiss. She hadn't told anyone, not even Lily. This was just one of those special moments where you kept it all to yourself then told your children when they grew up.

"That's good." She replied quietly, not even looking at her friend because of the messy haired god in front of her.

When Lily had seen James all rational thought had flown out of her head. She just wanted a repeat performance of that Wednesday night.

_'Damn! I used to be able to control these…urges… now what's happening to me?'_

But her thoughts were ended early by a deep, sexy voice.

"Hey Lily, you look really nice… you ready to leave?" she looked up into the eyes of James Potter and felt herself drowning once again.

**A/N: WOO! SORRY IT'S TAKEN A WHILE, BUT I've BEEN ****BUSY****…STILL! I REALLY AM STARTING TO ****HATE****COLLEGE****! I'M DEDICATING THESE TWO CHAPTERS TO MY BEST FRIEND CARLY, YOU ****ROCK**** DUDE!**

**NEXT**** CHAPTER: HOGSMEADE? WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN? OHHH! THE POSSIBILITIES!!!!! ALSO THANK YOU TO ****ALL**** OF MY REVIEWERS!!!! LOVE EVERYONE OF YOU! MWAH!**

**LUV**** YA!**

**SNAKE XX**


	13. Nothing but the truth

**A/N: I ****JUST**** WANT TO THANK THE REVIEWERS FOR MY PREVIOUS CHAPTERS, AT THE END OF THE STORY I WILL THANK EACH ****AND**** EVERY ****ONE**** OF YOU, BUT FOR ****NOW**** I'LL ****JUST**** DO THE WHOLE E-****MAIL**** THING!**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING, I LIVE IN ****BOX**** WITH HOLES FOR WINDOWS, IF YOU TAKE AWAY MY ****BOX**** I WILL ****CRY****, IN OTHER WORDS, ****DON****'T SUE!!**

**Chapter 13**

Lily shook herself mentally.

_'This is a meeting, not a date! Stop going all puppy eyed at Potter!' _

Once again happy with her inward reprimanding she casually smiled at James.

"Thank you James, you look nice as well." She managed nonchalantly, adding another smile. She looked over to where Sirius and Roxie stood and saw that Roxie was putting up the exact same façade.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

James took one look at Lily close up and felt as if his world was caving in around him. Here was this beautiful, enchantress, and he wasn't even allowed to touch her. They were here to _'talk'_.

_'How the fuck am I suppose to talk to her without trying to drag her off back to Hogwarts and make passionate love to her…mmm, passionate love with Lily.'_ James sighed inwardly; maybe he shouldn't have had that smoke with Sirius early this morning. He could tell it was affecting his thoughts, which consequently affected his…lower regions.

He smiled at her softly, drowning in pools of emerald.

_'Well, at least she said I look nice, that's a good start…I suppose.'_

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Roxie felt her heart quicken and her breathing increase. There was Sirius Black, standing out from the crowd in all of his glory. He only wore a plain black pair of trousers, a white shirt with a black jumper over the top and black boots, but he looked good enough to eat…

_'Don't go there, Rox, you've already had to change your underwear once today due to Sirius thoughts, don't make yourself uncomfortable now.'_

She strolled confidently up to him and gave him her best smile. She wanted today to go well. She didn't rightly know where she stood with him, after their fight, and then their kiss it was all a bit confusing.

_'Oh well, I guess this is what today is for.'_

She looked up to see Sirius return the smile. Oh, and if she thought she was on another plane now she couldn't even prepare herself for what was next.

He took the tips of her fingers lightly in her hands and softly squeezed as he growled. "Hi, you look great."

_'Shit! That turned me on…I knew I should have brought a spare pair of knickers.'_

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

_'Holy shit that girl is hot…no no no! Got to think with my head today…not my dick…but technically that has a head…hahaha…I have two heads. Bollocks, shouldn't have had that joint with Prongsie.'_

Then she smiled at him and it was only her that mattered. Silence all around. He felt as if a huge weight had lifted off his heart, a hole had been filled. This was the feeling he got whenever she looked at him with those amazing eyes and smile.

_'Merlin, what she does to me.'_

He gathered his thoughts as she came within touching distance.

"Hi, you look great." He growled while softly gathering her fingers.

He watched her intently and seemed to see a flicker of desire shoot through her expression.

"Thanks Black, you clean up rather well yourself." She replied looking him up and down.

"Well, as we're all agreed as to how good we look, I think we should hit Hogsmeade so we can show the village folk just how good looking we are." He grinned wolfishly and winked at Roxie who rolled her eyes.

"Sounds good to me mate, and anyway, the sooner we leave the sooner we can hit the Three Broomsticks and get us some Butter Beer!" said James, sounding like a kid about to go to the zoo.

Sirius chuckled under his breath and whispered in an undertone to Roxie.

"That guy loves his Butter Beer almost as much as he does Lily…and that saying something."

Roxie looked at Sirius slightly wide eyed.

_'Aww shit, I did not just tell Roxie that…yup, that joint was a very bad idea.'_

"Ok…so what do you want to do after going to the Three Broomsticks?" Roxie asked trying to change the subject. She could tell by Sirius's face that he was not meant to have said that.

"Well, I was thinking that we could go for a walk. It's nice walking weather, not to cold, not raining, but the winds got a nice…bite to it."

Once again Roxie looked at Sirius in shock and then laughed out loud.

"Since when the hell have you ever given two fucks about _'walking weather'_? Do you _know_ how gay that makes you sound?" she manages to choke out while still laughing.

"Hey! It isn't _gay_; it's very manly and sexy. Just like me." He finished off his sentence by puffing out his chest. She could see his muscles through the jumper and took all of her will power just to refrain from touching him.

"Well Sirius, I'll give you that…it was an understatement when I said you looked good today." This time it was Roxie that mentally kicked herself for revealing too much. He stopped in his tracks and she waited for his cocky comeback but it never came.

"Do you mean that?" he asked instead in such a gentle manner Roxie didn't think it was possible.

"Yes…I did mean that." She replied softly, starting to blush to the roots of her hair.

"That means a lot to me Rox." He finished quietly before leaning down and softly kissing her on the cheek. He then started walking again as if nothing had just happened. Roxie was still standing stock-still. Her hand slowly brushed the patch of skin that he had kissed so softly. At that moment she had felt her heart melt. How did he do this to her?

She cleared her throat and shyly smiled back up at Sirius who smiled warmly in return. She then realised something, or someone, was missing.

"Where are James and Lily?" she asked regaining all of her previous confidence.

"Oh, I think they've walked ahead, they're quick walkers."

"James not one to enjoy this fine walking weather?" she asked with a butter-wouldn't –melt-in-my-mouth look.

"Shut up Roxie." He said playfully which was accompanied by a gentle shove.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

James and Lily had been walking quite fast without realising, so before they knew it they had left Roxie and Sirius in the dust.

Lily would never have thought this, but it was actually possible to walk alongside James Potter in a comfortable silence. He hadn't been leering at her, making gestures, just acting like a friend. And she enjoyed it. She enjoyed his company. At apprehending this Lily felt her heart swell.

_'Well, maybe if we can be friends then I can treat this as more as a date then a meeting…'_

_'NO!' _came the voice from the back of her head. _'Don't give into your feelings…you know what happened last time.' _Images of Sasha Smith flew into her mind. She winced at feeling the pain it brought up again.

_'You're right, I can't let that happen. Whatever I do, I have to make sure that I don't develop those feelings for him again. That night after the gig was different. It was alcohol fuelled, but no more excuses.'_

**A/N SORRY THIS IS SUCH A SHORT CHAPTER BUT THAT'S BECAUSE IT WOULDN'T UPLOAD PROPERLY! THE REST OF THIS CHAPTER ****HAS**** BEEN PUT INTO CHAPTER 14, WHICH IS REALLY CHAPTER 13…THIS CONFUSES ME! **


	14. Nothing but the truth part b

**Chapter 14 (nothing but the truth part b)**

_'You're right, I can't let that happen. Whatever I do, I have to make sure that I don't develop those feelings for him again. That night after the gig was different. It was alcohol fuelled, but no more excuses.'_

Lily looked dejectedly at the floor, she knew she was doing the right thing not giving into James. But why if she knew it was right, did it feel so wrong?

James was watching Lily out of the corner of his eye. He knew she was finding this pleasant he could tell by her expression, but he wanted this walk to be over quickly so that they could sit down and talk about what had happened and what was going to happen. This was why he was walking so fast. He had hoped he could loose Sirius and Roxie so that he and Lily could talk alone. So far, his planned seemed to be working.

Just as he was about to loose himself in his Lily thoughts he saw her wince as if in pain.

He watched her for a moment longer as her gaze shifted to dejectedly watch her feet. He couldn't bear to watch any longer, especially when she looked like that.

He reached over and put his hand softly on her shoulder, she shivered at the touch. Though whether it was pleasure or not he could not have said.

"Lils, are you ok? You look sad." She looked down into her eyes and saw them soften slightly. She smiled at him, though it did not reach her eyes.

"I'm fine James… just remembering something." She trailed off into silence. As she said that she felt James's arm stiffen. He knew what she was remembering. She looked into his eyes and smiled reassuringly, trying to make him think that it wasn't him she was thinking about.

He smiled back but the tension remained. He dropped his gazed and carried on walking inwardly striking himself for that day in fourth year.

_'I have to make her forget! Why is she still thinking of that? Does she _want_ to hate me? Agh, this is so difficult!"_

They carried on in silence until they reached the pub

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

James and Lily found the last table in the Three Broomsticks. It was a small table in the corner that seemed to have been overlooked by everybody else. James was relieved, he didn't want to have to go through this knowing that people could hear him. His plan today was to subtly plead his case. Try to make Lily see him for the person he was now, not what he used to be. He had matured now, he wouldn't hurt her anymore. He obviously had to remind her about that because it seemed she was telling herself the exact opposite.

"Lily! Over here!" he called over to Lily who had insisted on buying the drinks for this meeting.

_'Meeting?__ Bloody meeting? I can't believe she called this a sodding meeting!'_

When she had weaved her way through the zone of endless people she came to settle opposite James. She handed him his Butter Beer and smiled at him. Willing him to start talking.

He took a deep breath.

"Well, we both know why we are here…" Lily giggled, he carried on as if nothing had interrupted him. "So I want to get this sorted as painfully as possible." This time she snorted into her Butter Beer, sending froth up and landing on her nose.

"What are you laughing at?" he asked, slightly annoyed.

"Nothing, it's just that you, well, you're acting so…so… what's the word I'm looking for… conservative. I just don't remember you ever being like this." She smiled at him with laughter in her eyes.

"Yes, well, you were the one to call this a… a _'meeting'_" hurt flashed through his eyes for a second before disappearing again. "So I decided to act like a mature adult and do what I thought you wanted to do." He nodded his head at the end as if to reassure himself that that was actually what he was doing.

Oh. Well, I didn't realise, sorry. But maybe you should ask me what I want instead of assuming." Their gazes locked for a couple of seconds before they both looked away, breaking the trance.

"OK then, how do you want to approach this?" he asked after taking a long drink from his glass.

"Well, I wouldn't mind trying to approach this while talking as… friends… instead of acquaintances. That would kill the tension and maybe we'll be able to find more common ground with one another."

_'No! I don't want to do that! If I try to find common ground I'll end up falling for him again and we all know what'll happen then. He'll go out with me for a week and then he'll dump me like yesterday's news and I'll be alone…again."_

"Ok then, well, we may as well start close to home. So, what's your favourite subject?" he asked in a brighter spirit.

"Um…I don't know, I love them all. I suppose it's going to have to be charms though…followed by DADA, or no, maybe transfiguration, actually…um, I love them all! But charms has got to be the best! Yes. Charms." She nodded her head to signify the finality of her choice. James chuckled.

"You really love school don't you?" he asked curiously. She blushed slightly before answering.

"Well yes I do. You see, it's different being muggle-born. There's always a pressure on you, like people are expecting you to be second best to the pure bloods. I want to change that, I really want to show everyone that I can be just as successful as any pure blood wizard."

James smiled at her eagerness, transfixed by the flush in her cheeks and her animated eyes as she spoke about something she truly loved.

"And there's also the fact that it's all so new! I mean, I wake up every morning wondering how such an incredible world could have existed under my nose without me knowing about it. It was strange because I knew that there was something missing in my life, but I just couldn't place it. And all of the other children at my school thought I was odd before I came here. I never did belong. Strange things would happen, little things, but they'd be out of place, not making sense in the world that I was used to."

She paused for a breath and then seemed to catch herself. "Sorry, I sometimes go off on one when I'm excited." She smiled sheepishly and then took a small sip from her glass.

"What's your favourite subject?" she asked after swallowing the liquid.

"Definitely DADA and, even though I'm ashamed to admit it, potions. You see I want to be an auror. I love helping people and I really think that that would be the job for me."

She looked at him thoughtfully. "It'll be hard work."

"I'm not afraid to work for something I want." He replied instantly, looking into her eyes. She held his gaze, but then quickly looked away while biting her lip. He carried on, determined to get her back on track.

"So what do you want to do after Hogwarts?" he asked casually.

"Oh, I don't know, I definitely want to work for the Ministry, and I want to help people. I could be an auror, but I really want to have charms as my main focus. So I don't know if that's the job I'm looking for."

"Well, you could always go in for being an Unspeakable. They have to excel in all fields. I really think you could do it."

"You do?"

"Yes, I do, and what better way is there to prove yourself then to become probably one of the most highest ranking, not to mention mysterious, jobs in the Ministry?"

Lily blushed, flattered by what he had just said.

And so they carried on in that vein for the next few hours, just finding out about each other, finding more and more that they had in common. By the time that they had left the pub Lily had forgotten about all of her worries.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Sirius and Roxie walked into the Three Broomsticks ten minutes after Lily and James and looked around to find them. They finally spotted them in the corner but when Roxie had started to walk over a hand on her arm had stopped her.

She turned around to look into Sirius's eyes.

"Don't you want to go over there?" she asked genuinely confused.

"Rox look at them. They're finally getting on and having a civilised conversation. I don't want to interrupt them." He looked around searching for more tables. "No more tables left, bloody third years, I swear they multiply every year."

"Aww, don't be mean, they're sweet." She replied while looking at a third year girl and boy who looked like they were on a first ever date. She watched as the boy reached over and held the girl's hand nervously, nearly knocking over his drink in the process. They both blushed crimson and she inwardly gushed at how cute the sight was. She remembered those days, but she didn't remember ever being that awkward. She was broken out of her reverie by Sirius's deep voice.

"Come on, let's go. Let's just go down to the Flaming Bolt. You never know, we might even get served some real alcohol down there."

He led her out of the pub by her hand and she followed willingly.

_'You never know, I might even get a dance out of him.'_

Ten minutes later they had left the commercial side of Hogsmeade and were in the more trendy side. The large sign to the Flaming Bolt enticing them to come in, but no more so then the _'over 18's only' _sign.

They both grinned at each other and pushed their way through the door. They knew they'd be safe from any age charm because they didn't really need it during the week. It was only really on Friday nights that the local teenagers would try to get in.

Sirius walked casually up to the bar with Roxie on his arm. He looked over the menu of drinks and then chose his favourite for himself and for Roxie.

"Two sex on the Beach, please."  He asked smoothly. Without hesitation the bar maid served up the drinks but not without checking out Sirius with a quick glance and then giving Roxie a slight evil glare.

Roxie, not missing a beat, linked her arm possessively through Sirius's and smiled, albeit extremely fake, at the barmaid. When she had served them their drinks and Sirius had paid they made their way over to a free table.

He chuckled. "She was jealous you know."

"Jealous of what?" she asked in return.

"Jealous of you being on my arm and not her."

"I beg your pardon? Sirius, you better not be treating me as a trophy because trust me, you don't have enough brownie points left to even consider doing that." She retorted with a hint of malice.

"Rox, woah, calm down, I didn't mean it like that at all." He said reassuringly while he covered her hand with his.

She felt herself blush and was suddenly reminded of the third year couple in the Three Broomsticks.

_'Well, at least Sirius isn't so nervous he nearly knocks his drink over me.'_ She chuckled at the thought, catching the attention of Sirius.

"What's funny?" he asked curiously.

"Nothing, it's just that I saw this cute little couple in the Three Broomsticks and it must've been there first date. The boy did exactly what you did with his hand but nearly knocked his drink over her in the process and they both blushed beetroot. It was so sweet. I was just thinking that this is kind of the same situation."

"Aha, so this is a date is it?" he grinned triumphantly.

"Maybe, but you have to try and prove yourself worthy of my undivided attention before I agree officially." She lifted an eyebrow and smirked at him.

He leant in closer to her across the table and said in a low, seductive growl.

"And what, Ms Kato, do I have to do to _'prove myself'_?"

She leant in as well, there faces mere centimetres apart, there noses brushing gently now and then, there cool, sweet, breath on each other's lips.

"Use your imagination…Master Black." She whispered, sending sensations down Sirius's spine. He smirked sexily, and leant forward intending to capture her lips, he was so close, he could taste the alcohol mingling with her breath. He started to close his eyes when…

"Sirius! Is that you? Oh, how are you?" they both spun around, thinking that they had just been busted for being out of bounds but when they saw who it was, they realised it was worse then that.

Sirius's blonde bombshell from the gig was standing there wearing clothes that left pretty much nothing to the imagination. Sirius groaned inwardly and had to refrain himself from smacking himself in the forehead. He was about to speak when Roxie stole his moment.

"I'm _terribly _sorry, but do you mind going away because I do believe we were in the middle of something." She spoke in a cold voice and gave an even colder smile that didn't reach her eyes. The blond looked at her as if seeing her for the first time.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't actually notice you." She retorted giving her a bitchy glare.

"Yes, I don't blame you, with tits that big I'd have trouble seeing in front of me as well."

"Well, at least I have some, unlike _you_."

"Look, Ms…whatever, your name doesn't actually matter, I'm sure no one else asks for it. But that's beside the point. All I can say is that at least _I _don't need a well placed and dramatically overdone engorgement charm just to get laid. I have other qualities, you know, such as intellect." She smiled sweetly, the blonde seemed at a loss and didn't reply quickly enough. Roxie took this as a cue to carry on.

"Oh I'm sorry, was that too many syllables? When I said intellect, I meant brain. Something in my head that isn't peroxide."

The blonde puffed out her chest making herself as intimidating as possible.

"How _dare_ you speak to me like that?! I should hex your fucking arse all the way to China and back for even suggesting such things! One thing I don't dye my hair, it is this colour _naturally_. Two, I do have intell…a brain. And three, my breasts are one hundred percent natural!" At this both Roxie and Sirius burst out laughing and Sirius took over in the taunting.

"Look…um…hey Roxie you're right, I don't know her name! Well, anyway, I know for a fact that those are not natural because they have gone up at least another cup size since Wednesday. Also, you can't even say intellect, and three, you're roots need doing. Oh, and one more thing. I don't normally threaten girls, but of you even try to harm one _hair_ on Roxie's head, I will make sure that you will receive that and worse right back at you, understand?" he added in a low, threatening voice, making the blonde's eyes widen in shock.

"Come on Sirius, let's go. I swear if she shakes any more that I'm going to get my eyes poked out by miss can't-afford-a-bra over here. Good day." And with that Roxie stood up and held her hand out to Sirius who readily took it.

So they walked out of the bar together hand in hand. Roxie felt lighter then air after Sirius had come to her defence. And what's more, he had meant it. She was glad it wasn't her on the end of that glare. It was scary. Once again her heart fluttered. It had only been a couple of days, but she had definitely forgiven him. Hell, how could she not forgive him? She loved him.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

James and Lily wandered out of the pub about an hour before they were due to go back to Hogwarts. They decided that they didn't need to buy anything and that they really should talk about what they had planned in the first place.

They were walking around Hogsmeade in companionable silence to try to find an unoccupied bench so that they could be completely alone to talk. They finally found one by the bottom of the hill that went up to the shrieking shack.

"So…" James started awkwardly.

"Yeah…" Lily finished off.

They looked at each other and started into a fresh wave of nervous giggles.

"So, what's going to happen with us Lily? You said that you missed me and you didn't hate me. After that you kissed me. I don't know where I stand with you." James looked to the ground not wanting, yet yearning for the answer.

_'Okay Evans, now's the time for self control. Friends is okay, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING more!' _Once again Lily was training her self-control.

"Well," she started slowly, "I think that today proved something to us James. And that's the fact that we can easily be friends. But…but nothing more." She looked to the ground avoiding his gaze that was now trained on her.

"Just friends, nothing more. Okay, well, I can live with that, but as a friend answer me one question." He asked flatly, considering his every word.

"Okay, go ahead." She replied not wanting the question she knew that was coming.

"When you kissed me, did you feel anything more for me then…just friendship?"

"No" she whispered quietly, not making eye contact.

"Look at me and say that Lily."

"No, I can't." she whispered again.

"Please," he begged his voice cracking. She complied.

She looked into his eyes and felt a torrent of emotion run through her. It took all of her self-control not to cry, run away and hide.

"Say it." He whispered hoarsely.

"I felt nothing." Tears welled up in her eyes. He gently held her chin up as he studied her face.

"You're lying." He replied after a while, he looked away feeling a pain deep inside of him. Lily almost broke down then and there. She didn't know what it was about his expression as he looked away; all she knew is that it caused her to tell him more.

"I felt…something. An old emotion coming back to haunt me. I loved you James, but…but that was reduced to wreckage the moment I walked into the tower that day. I'm sorry James…but it hurt…so much…I can't go through that again." Tears now burned their icy path down her cheeks.

James felt the knot in his throat tighten. Those words, those cruel words had just twisted the knife back into an old wound.

"To _haunt _you? Was it really that _terrible_ loving me?" he couldn't believe what he had heard.

"No! It's just I got hurt so badly, you were my first love and…I'm just so sorry." She was crying openly now.

"Sorry? Sorry for what? For making me believe that I had a chance with the one girl I've ever really cared for? For giving me the hope that maybe I had been forgiven for a mistake that I made when I was 14? I just can't believe… I'm sorry, I have to go now." He was afraid Lily would see his tears that were threatening to fall.

"James?" she whispered to his retreating back.

"No Lily, I see how you feel now. And I know how you felt back then as well. You were, and are still, my first love. And yes, you've just broken my heart. Now I know how it feels, are you happy now? Happy now that you've finally managed to hurt me like I did you?" he was angry now. He watched how Lily's face became a collage of emotions. Hurt, pain, sadness, truth.

"No James that's not it. You're a good person and-"

"Obviously not good enough for you." He retorted bitterly.

"Can we…can we still be friends?" she asked timidly through the tears.

"Can we…can…st…still be…friends?" he managed to stutter out in waves of disbelief.

"I love you Lily, but I can't just sit and watch you get on with your life with me as an extra wheel. As the '_good friend'_. I need more then that, I need you. But I'm not going to get that, so no. We can't be friends. I couldn't handle that. Good Bye Lily." He was speaking quietly now, she could tell that it came from the heart. He turned away as the first tear fell, hoping that she wouldn't see it.

But she did.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

As soon as Sirius and Roxie got out of the bar Roxie spun to face him.

"Sirius, what you did in there, you proved to me that…that you really do care for me." She said while looking at the ground. He tilted her chin up with his index finger.

"Of course I care about you…I always have…since the first moment I met you…I've…I've cared about you." He looked into her eyes; he had just managed to catch himself before he told her the truth.

"Oh Sirius." She breathed and closed the gap between them, bringing him into a passionate kiss that lasted what seemed like forever.

When they finally broke apart Sirius smiled and Roxie gasped.

"Wow"

"Just what I was thinking."

"Sirius…I was thinking…-"

"Me too, I was just wondering…-"

"Would you be my…-"

"Girlfriend?" Sirius bit his lip in anticipation of her answer. He looked into her eyes and felt lighter then air with what he saw there. He saw the beginning of his life. A new life, one filled with love and caring, instead of hate and lust. He sighed happily.

"Oh Sirius, I'd be honoured." And brought him into another kiss.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Later that afternoon about an hour before they were meant to be due back Sirius took Roxie for the walk he promised her. They walked hand in hand occasionally stopping for a kiss or cuddle. Now that they had found each other they didn't want to let go.

He was about to take her up the hill to the lonely bench by the shrieking shack when he saw Lily and James sit down at that moment and start laughing together over something they had said. He watched and saw the pure admiration in each other's eyes, even from that distance.

Roxie pulled at his arm.

"Come on Sirius, this is a private moment between them, lets just leave them too it." She said softly.

"Yeah, you're right, they look so good together, and it looks like they've sorted everything out."

"I hope so, that would mean a hell of a lot less headaches!" she chuckled softly.

"Come on, let's go."

As they walked away, their backs turned and their ears closed, completely unaware, to the scene behind them, Sirius sighed contentedly.

"What is it Sirius?"

"I just have a feeling that everyone is going to have story to tell tomorrow."

Little did he know that he was nothing short of dead right.

**A/N: WOOHOO! I'VE DECIDED AS I'VE BEEN SO BAD AT UPDATING I WOULD DO THE ****NEXT**** CHAPTER ****AND**** MAKE IT REEAAAAAAAAALLLY LONG! **

**I KNOW THAT MY WRITING IN CHPTRS 11 ****AND**** 12 KINDA SUCKED ARSE SO I HOPE I'VE MADE UP FOR IT IN THIS CHAPTER.**

**READ ****AND**** REVIEW! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!**

**SORRY ****BOUT****ALL**** THE PART B STUFF ****AND****ALL**** THAT BUT IF I WRITE A LONG CHAPTER THEY NEVER UPLOAD PROPERLY!**

**LUV**** YA ****ALL****!**

**SNAKE XX**


	15. Jess's decision

**A/N: HEY GUYS! FIRSTLY I WANT TO APPOLOGISE FOR TAKING SO LONG, I DIDN'T REALISE SO MUCH TIME HAD GONE BY! SECONDLY, I WANT TO THANK MY REVIEWERS, ****NEW****AND**** OLD, FOR BEING SO KIND IN THE REGARDS TO MY STORY! SPEAKING OF WHICH, LET'S CARRY ON!**

**Chapter 15**

Remus and Jess lay in his bed snuggled up and warm.

"I'm so glad we decided to skip Hogsmeade, we got the place to ourselves _and _we didn't have to act as moderators between the children. I wonder how they got on today." He added thoughtfully.

Jess smiled into his muscular shoulder. She loved the way he called them 'the children.' She liked the thought of having children with Remus, but she's never admit to that just yet. He always referred to the rest of the group as 'the children.' She didn't know when it started but it defiantly made sense. Remus and Jess always took on a sort of parent role and would normally end up resolving their little arguments for them.

Remus sighed contentedly, but then thought of the initial reason for asking Jess to be with just him today. A knot of dread formed in his stomach and started going over a speech in his head that he had been preparing for months.

Jess felt him tense ever so slightly and looked up into his reflective amber eyes. They were clouded with doubt. She saw this occurring in him more often of late. But every time she asked him about it he would shake his head and deny anything. She would let the subject alone until the next time. Once again she felt inclined to ask him.

"Remus, Hun, what's troubling you?" she asked softly, trailing lazy patterns over his bare chest.

"Oh…um…nothing, just a bit tired." He lied. He started to kick himself.

_'Why can I never tell her?!' _he asked himself pleadingly. A voice answered.

_'Because you know that she'll never love you when she knows what you are…you're a monster.'_

It was on rare occasions that Jessica Nix got angry, but this was one of them. He had been bottling something up, keeping it from her, but now, _now_ she was pissed. She pulled herself away from him and started to get dressed. Not once turning around to look at him. Remus looked distressed.

"Hey! Hey, baby girl, where are you going? Why are you angry at me?" he asked, full well knowing the answer.

"You're keeping something from me Remus J Lupin, and until you decide to tell me what is troubling you I'm going to be staying in my own dorm." She replied coldly. She stared around the room and started to enchant her belongings to pack themselves.

"I'm not keeping anything from you…honestly." He replied, not looking away from his hands that he was nervously wringing in his lap.

"That's absolute bloody bullshit Remus and you know it is." He frowned. She was starting to get really worked up about this. She continued to enchant things, occasionally throwing a few things in manually just to vent some frustration.

He winced. She never swore unless she was upset.

"Jess sweet heart, stop packing and come and sit down…please?" he asked her quietly, he was going to tell her. He started to run through his speech in his head, but found that it had annoyingly decided to elude his brain.

"No!" she replied stubbornly, "I'm not going to do anything unless you tell me what's bothering you! I've been nice up to now… but I've had enough. It seems that lately after we've had sex you seem to get all down hearted! Am I really that bad? Or is that you just don't trust me to keep your stupid little secret!" she ended up shouting the last word at him, but immediately regretted it. The hurt that flashed through his eyes was quickly replaced by anger, and he did something that he had never done before. He shouted at her.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE JESS! IF YOU LET ME GET A WORD IN EDGE WISE YOU'LL SEE THAT I AM TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO YOU BUT I'M HAVING A LITTLE DIFFICULTY! NOW, IF YOU WOULD BE SO KIND AS TO SIT DOWN AND STOP PACKING THEN I WILL BE ABLE TO TELL YOU MY _STUPID LITTLE SECRET!" _He finished shouting at her and was left panting. Jess looked at him with shock evident on her face. She shakily moved over to the bed and gingerly sat down on the edge.

She looked him in the eye. "So, explain then." She said neutrally. He took a deep breath to calm himself and then started to speak with his heart.

"Well, you see Jess. It's just that…well. This isn't going to be easy-"

"Are you going to break up with me?" she asked quietly.

"NO! Merlin no, I just hope you don't break up with me once I'm done." He took another breath to steady himself.

"Jess, how long have we been together?"

"Well, its December now, we broke up for holidays in June. So about six months."

"Exactly. Jess this is the longest and best relationship I've ever had. You were my first in so many things and what I feel for you now… I have to tell you. I've been wanting to, but before I give you my heart…I have to know that you'll accept me for who, and what, I am." He finished quietly, not once breaking the eye contact.

Jess just sat there wide eyed, she knew what he wanted to say. He was going to tell her he loved her. The words she had wanted to hear for so long. She had been in love with Remus since the day he had admitted his feelings to her and long before that.

But there was something standing in his way.

"I'm not what you think I am." He said softly.

Jess gasped and took his hands in her own, all previous angst forgotten.

"You are exactly what I think you are. You are caring, sensitive, funny, loving and not to mention the fact that you have a body that practically makes me faint every time I see it. And don't forget your eyes, the most beautiful things I have ever seen. That's what you are to me. And I know that that isn't a lie."

She smiled softly at him then realised his hands were shaking and he wouldn't make eye contact with her. She lifted his chin gently with one of her fingers and made him look at her. She gasped again when she realised that there were tears in the eyes she had just described.

Tears welled up into her own.

"Remus, please tell me what's wrong. What's troubling you?"

"The reason I haven't been myself for a little while, is because I realised the depth as to how mush I care about you. The reason I'm not what you think I am because I…I have a tainted soul."

"Remus, you have the purest heart and soul of anyone I have ever met."

"No, no Jess, please listen. I really do, you see I was in an accident when I was about seven years old…and the results of that…well you see, um, I'm a monster Jess…I'm a…a…" he released a breath he didn't realise he was holding.

"I'm a werewolf."

Lily walked dejectedly into her common room. She felt angry, sad, helpless and above all hurt.

Her heart had wrenched when she saw James face. He had worn his heart on his chest and she had stomped all over it. But hadn't he done the same to her?

She closed her eyes and winced when she remembered the pain she had gone through, she was nearly going through it again now, but now James was going through it. She would never wish that amount of pain on anyone.

He had feelings for James; she would even go as far as to say that she loved him. But this she would only admit to herself when she felt bare and emotionally drained. At times like these it was easier to accept then fight.

But now, now she had lost him for good.

She sat down on a plush sofa and realised that Remus's door was locked…again.

_'Coming to think about it, Remus and Jess weren't even in Hogsmeade, good to know that at least some of us can find love'_

She picked up one of her favourite novels, a muggle one. 'Romeo and Juliet' by Shakespeare.

She started reading but then threw it down in annoyance. Normally the tragedy made her heart soar through the clouds. The beauty of it. How they had died for one another, in the name of love.

_'How can I read this when I feel like shit?' _she asked herself.

She sighed and decided to have a hot bath to help clear her head.

"You're a what?" Jess asked, shock sewn through her voice.

"A werewolf. Look, I understand if you don't want to see me anymore. I'm a monster." Self hatred was coursing through his veins like electricity through a circuit. She could see it written on his face, in the eyes that she adored so much.

_'How can such a gentle human being be such a thing? Its not possible, its not _fair!_ Why him, why did he have to be bitten. He doesn't deserve that. Well, there's only one thing I can do.'_

She looked him straight in the eye and he could see defiance written over her face.

"You're right, you are a monster." Remus felt his throat constrict, how could she be so cruel?

She laughed softly, and took his hand once again.

"But you're _my_ monster. And you know what? I can now understand how you can be such an animal in bed."

She smiled warmly at him, and his spirit soared. Tears that threatened him earlier now rolled down his cheeks, but he wasn't ashamed. He had just told her he was a werewolf, and she didn't care, she had said that he was _her _monster. He looked at her lovingly.

"You know what? I think you're last comment was somewhat inappropriate; I am _not _an animal in bed. In fact sometimes I have to _really_ hold back just so that I don't ravish you in the way my instincts tell me to."

He saw her eyes darken with desire.

"I love you Jess, I want to be with you forever."

"I love you too, Remus. And I want to be with you forever as well."

They smiled broadly at each other and then leaned in for a searing kiss. Jess broke away and got out of the bed. He looked at her perplexed. He was about to ask her what she was doing until he was silenced with her actions.

She started to strip of her clothes, slowly, teasingly. His mouth became so dry that swallowing became a task.

When she was completely naked she went back over to the bed and sat opposite him. She pulled him into another passionate, somewhat desperate, kiss.

She pulled away and put her mouth by his ear.

"Make love to me Remus, but this time, don't hold back, go with your instincts, I want to feel the wolf inside of you."

He could hardly believe what he was hearing. So he did the one thing that was right.

He obeyed.

**A/N: WOO! ANOTHER CHAPTER, SORRY THEY'RE SO SHORT, I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THEM LONGER BUT IF I DO THEN THE UPLOADING REALLY GOES WRONG! THIS CHAPTER WAS MORE BASED AROUND THE JESS/REMUS AS I FEEL I'VE NEGLECTED THEM A BIT! HOPE YOU LIKE! REVIEW!!! **

**LUV**** YA!**

**SNAKE XX**


	16. Lily's decision

**A/N: HELLO AGAIN! I COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO DO ANY REVISION FOR THE MOMENT SO I DECIDED I MIGHT WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER! ****JUST**** WANT TO SAY THANK YOU, ONCE AGAIN, TO ****ALL**** OF MY REVIEWERS! YOU GUY'S ****ROCK****!**

**ALSO, HAVING A BIT OF TROUBLE WITH THE POV CHANGES, THE BORDERLINES ****WON****'T BE IN THE UPLOAD! SO I'M ****JUST**** GOING TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT ****AND ****SEE**** IF THAT WORKS!**

**AND**** SO WITHOUT FURTHER ****ADO****, I GIVE YOU…**

**Chapter 16**

Lily lay soaking in the bath going over the days occurrences in her head. It was all so…_confusing_. And she hated that, Lily _never_ got confused, but in the seldom case that she did, she was able to go to the library and sort it out. She highly doubted that there was a book on how to manage teenage life.

Then it occurred to her.

_'Write it down! That always helps me if I just write it down! When it's all on paper I'll be able to draw a sensible conclusion. Perfect!'_

And with that comforting thought and a steaming bath, Lily felt the tension flow out of her shoulders and into the bathwater. She breathed out deeply, letting any unpleasant thought be exhaled with her breath.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

James dejectedly made his way up to the Gryffindor seventh year boys' dorm. He walked straight through the common room where Sirius and Roxie sat and up the stairs.

As he walked in he noticed that there were no other seventh years in yet which he was thankful for, but was also slightly bitter.

_'They probably all have some girl to be with; it's only me that's the lonely one.' _He thought resentfully.

He lay on his bed and drew the curtains. He just wanted to be alone, well no that was a lie…he just wanted to be with Lily.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Sirius and Roxie were sitting on the armchair by the fire together. Roxie sat on his lap while he held her around the waist. Neither had ever been so content. They were there with the person of their dreams, by a roaring fire, and it seemed like they were the only ones in the whole world.

Roxie sighed happily.

"Sirius, why didn't you convince me earlier to be your girlfriend?" she asked dreamily, still in pleasant shock from that afternoon.

He looked at her completely and utterly confused.

"Rox, I _have_ been trying to get you to be my girlfriend! Ever since, hmm, fourth year? Or was it before that? But _you, _little missy, just spent the whole time ignoring me or making fun of me…meanie." He muttered the last word and then pouted crossly in such an adorable way that Roxie couldn't help but laugh and feel sorry for him.

"Aww Sirius, you know I didn't mean it. I have actually really liked you for ages, since…I don't know when. But I was always afraid that you saw me as a prize instead of a human being with feelings. I didn't want to end up as another one of your fuck buddies. I'm sorry I thought like that." She said softly, regret plain in her eyes.

"Don't apologise Rox, it's me who made you think like that. But anyway, let's not talk about what _could_ have been, when we could talk about what is _going_ to be." He said while nuzzling her neck. She lowered her mouth to his ear and smiled cheekily.

"How about we don't talk at all?" she bit her lip and looked at him in a seductively innocent manner. He smiled back, melting her heart in the process.

"That's the best idea you've had all day, my dear."

He leant in for a kiss; their lips were mere seconds from touching, and that raw electricity of emotion so close.

But it wasn't meant to be.

At that moment the portrait door opened and a crestfallen James Potter walked into the common room. He looked nowhere but at the floor. He didn't even notice Roxie and Sirius sitting there watching him. He just walked straight past them and up the stairs to the boys' dorm.

"He didn't look too happy, I wonder what happened. You don't think something went wrong with him and Lily do you?" Roxie asked quietly, as if James was able to hear if she spoke normally.

"I don't know Rox; maybe I should go check on him." He quickly brushed his lips against hers and then stood up picking her up with him then placing her gently back down on the chair. She smiled mischievously, her eyes considerably darker.

"When did you get so strong Sirius?" she asked huskily. He looked back at her and smirked.

"I've been working out Rox, just wait until you see what else I can show you, you'll love it, I promise." And with that said, he made his way up to the boys' dorm.

"Don't you worry Sirius, I know that I'm going to love every inch of you." She said quietly to herself. Thinking of all the possibilities of what he could have meant.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Lily now refreshed from her bath, got into her pyjamas and went down into the common room. She looked over to Remus's room and smiled knowingly to herself. He was still in there, and it appeared that Jess was as well.

She got a piece of parchment out and a quill and put two headings at the top of the paper: _'I should' _and _'I shouldn't'._

"Okay, I can do this. I definitely have feelings for him, that's a should. But I don't want to be hurt, so that's a shouldn't. There's also that I want him to be happy, that's a should. I don't want him to be hurt by all this, so that's a should."

Lily carried on in this vein for a long time before she came back to her last point.

"I don't want to lie anymore. That's a should."

She exhaled deeply and then looked back at her piece of parchment.

"Oh no, that's not good." She sighed and buried her head in her hands.

_'Why does the '_I should'_ column completely out weigh the '_I shouldn't' _column?'_ She thought to herself.

_'That's easy, it's because you know you have feelings for the boy, and now it's even on parchment, what more proof do you want?' _replied that annoying voice.

Lily furrowed her brow and racked her brains; inspiration came to her in an instant. She started to scribble furiously on the parchment. After two short minutes the _'I shouldn't'_ column was longer then the other. She nodded and smiled. Satisfied with her system she started to write her conclusion at the bottom.

_'Now that all the possibilities have been measured up I can safely say that the reasons for which I shouldn't go out with James seem to over power those that say I should go out with him. So for conclusion I have decided that I must get over these feelings I have for him by finding someone new. Someone more like me. I know that this will help me to forget about James.'_

Suddenly feeling tired Lily decided to go to bed, it had been a hard day, physically and emotionally.

_'But bed means I have to move, maybe I'll just shut my eyes on the sofa for five minutes…yes, and then I'll go up.'_

So she did and was asleep in an instant. The piece of parchment that she held slipped from her fingers and under the sofa, soon to be forgotten.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

"Prongsie? Prongsie mate, what's with the long face?" Sirius sat down at the end of James bed and looked at his best friend.

James lay there on his side facing away from Sirius not wanting to let his best friend see his face. He knew that his red rimmed eyes and stained cheeks would give him away.

"Nothing, I'm just tired, leave me alone." His monotone voice refused to reveal any hint of emotion. Sirius narrowed his eyes at his best friends form. He shook his head.

"It's not nothing James, tell me what's up."

James just grunted in reply and rolled over so he was face down into his pillow.

"Fine then. If you're not going to talk, you're going to have to listen. Guess what happened in Hogsmeade today?" he started, getting comfortable on James bed, he knew he was going to be there for a while.

"Mmmfff." He replied.

"Well, as you know me and Roxie were abandoned by you and Lily so we ended up going back to the Flaming Bolt. And we were having a really nice time, she was flirting like anything, but then again who blames her? I _am_ Sirius Black. And anyway you'll never guess who we saw there…it was that blonde bitch that I shagged, anyway Rox and her started going at each others throats and I stood up for Rox and now, well long story short, she's my girlfriend and I couldn't be happier! What do you think?" he asked trying to sound cheerful enough to annoy James so that he would finally break and tell Sirius what was wrong.

"…mmmfff…"

"Sorry mate didn't catch that."

"I _said…_mmmfff."

_'Excellent, he's starting to warm up to me. Now for the bull's eye.' _Sirius thought slyly to himself.

"So anyway, after she agreed to go out with me I decided that I would take her to a nice secluded spot. But guess who was there before me? You and Lily, both looking rather happy if you ask me. But then again, you walk in her looking like it's the end of the world and…" but Sirius never got to finish his sentence as a pillow hit him square in the face.

He dragged the pillow off from over his eyes and was met with troubled blue eyes. Sirius was taken aback. James eyes were slightly swollen and red rimmed, had he been…crying?

"Prongsie, seriously man, what happened?" concern filled Sirius's voice, so much so that James felt slightly guilty that he had just hit him with a pillow. But then again he didn't feel bad because he was using dirty tactics to get it out of him.

"Fine, if I tell you will you leave me alone to wallow in self-pity?" he asked pleadingly.

Sirius grinned like a Cheshire cat and slapped him on the shoulder. "Course I will mate! Now on with the story!"

"I'm not doing this for your entertainment, Black." Sirius had the grace to look sheepish.

"Sorry."

"Good. Right anyway, it was going great, we had a brilliant chat and well, I felt the sparks man, there was chemistry. We were talking as if we had been best friends for years.

"I found out so much about her, she has such a passion for everything, she's amazing, just seeing her eyes light up when she talks and…" he trailed off into silent thought. Normally Sirius would have interrupted but this wasn't the time. Instead he waited patiently until James started talking again.

"Anyway, like I said we were having a good time but we hadn't spoken about what we had come to speak about and I was starting to get quite anxious. We started walking and we just ended up in that spot by the Shrieking Shack. She said she could be friends with me…and honestly I was happy, but it wasn't enough. She told me she had felt something for me when she kissed me but she didn't want to go there again. She didn't want to get hurt…"

"…do you know how she described her feelings for me?" he asked quietly, his voice on the verge of cracking.

Sirius shook his head.

_'I felt…something. An old emotion coming back to haunt me. I loved you James, but…but that was reduced to wreckage the moment I walked into the tower that day. I'm sorry James…but it hurt…so much…I can't go through that again.' _Lily's voice swirled through James's head before he answered his own question.

"She said it haunted her, it _haunted_ her Sirius. An old emotion coming back to haunt her." James looked away again as he felt his eyes burn. Sirius felt his heart break for his friend.

_'Shit, no one should be put through this much pain. I cant imagine what I would feel if Roxie had said that to me.'_

Sirius sighed and put a hand on James's shoulder to comfort him. He didn't know what James was going through but thinking about it like that, he didn't want to either.

The two sat in companionable silence until James had finally fallen asleep.

**A/N: WOW, I'M GETTING A BIT ANGSTY IN MY WRITING, ****AND**** I'M AFRAID TO SAY THERE IS GOING TO BE A BIT MORE COMING AS ****WELL****, BUT NO WORRIES! IT'S ****ALL**** GOING TO HAVE A HAPPY ENDING! ****JUST**** WANT TO SAY THAT THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO RUPERT GRINT! YOU ****MAY**** BE CONFUSED AS TO WHY, BUT IT'S BECAUSE I ****MET**** HIM AT THE PREMIERE OF POA ****AND**** I EVEN ****GOT**** A ****HUG****AND**** KISS! HE IS THE NICEST GUY!**

**READ ****AND**** REVIEW!**

**LUV**** YA!**

**SNAKE XX**


	17. The thorns of a Lily

**A/N: FINALLY! MY EXAMS ****ARE**** OVER! I REALLY HOPE I DID OK! ANYWAY, IT'S BEEN QUITE A WHILE SINCE I UPDATED SO I THOUGHT I SHOULD, HOPEFULLY THIS CHAPTER ISNT GOING TO BE AS ****ANGSTY****AS**** THE REST BUT HEY! I'LL ****JUST****SEE**** WHAT MY BRAIN COMES UP WITH! THANK YOU TO ****ALL**** OF MY REVIEWERS, I CHERISH YOU ****ALL****! YOU ****ARE**** THE REASON I WRITE! ANYWAY, ENOUGH WITH THE SENTIMENTS! HERE'S CHAPTER 17!**

**Chapter 17**

Lily awoke slowly to an aching pain in her neck. She looked out of the window at the sky; a fresh pink dusting of light was just making itself known.

"Ugh, it's not even dawn yet…why am I here? Oh god, I must've fallen asleep on the sofa." She spoke quietly to herself, her voice laced with sleep. She rolled her head around to try and ease some of the stiffness in her neck, it didn't work. She sighed and made her way up to her room, at least she had a chance to get a few hours in a proper bed.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Lily awoke once again but this time she felt better. The pain in her neck had subsided to a dull ache and to be truthful she was looking forward to herself. Today was the day she would forget about James Potter forever and find herself a man. She gathered up her things and made her way into the bathroom.

Lily sighed happily, she always did love showers, they always allowed her to think clearly and today was no exception. Right now she was thinking about her mystery man that would make her forget all about that unruly James Potter. The problem was trying to find a likely candidate, but this posed no threat to Lily, she had always liked solving things.

_'Yes, I think someone from Ravenclaw. They're all bright, sensitive and they have a few good looking ones…not that looks are important though Lily.' She mentally reprimanded herself for showing signs of shallowness._

_'Being shallow will get you no where and is also a trait of one certain raven haired boy who shall remain nameless.'_

Lily nodded to herself in approval and stepped out of the shower, fresh and ready to face the day.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

James woke up groggily. Finally it was a decent hour. He had been awake almost every half hour since he managed to drift into his uneasy sleep. His stomach rumbled reminding him about the lack of food consumption the day before. He groaned and rolled out of bed and headed for the shower.

He stripped off his boxers as he stepped into the cubicle and under the shower head. As the hot water rolled down his naked body he felt some of the fogginess leave him. The fogginess but not the pain. He sighed to himself.

_'I'm just going to have to act normal and completely ignore her; I can't even look at her. It's like twisting the knife.'_

And so that was his plan.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Lily sat with Roxie and Jess and Alice at breakfast. They were sitting around and casually talking about the Hogsmeade trip. Well, when I say talking I really mean speaking so quickly and high pitched that only those included in the conversation would be able to understand.

"I can't believe you're going out with Sirius! He's the most eligible bachelor Hogwarts has ever seen!" Jess squeaked to Roxie.

"Babe, that is he _used_ to be the most eligible bachelor Hogwarts has ever seen. He's all mine now." Roxie replied back feigning a casual indifference.

"But still, I can't believe you said yes, what the hell changed your mind?" Alice asked in awe.

"Well, you know that chick that he got with that night at the flaming bolt? Well, she made another appearance and well, let's just say she isn't the nicest person if she thinks you're on her territory. She was rude to me, I was rude to her, Sirius was rude to her back, and then she threatened me and before I could get a word out Sirius threatened her." Roxie explained while counting the events off on her fingers.

"Oh my, what did he threaten the other girl with?" Said Lily, speaking for the first time.

"Well, he said, and I quote, _'I don't normally threaten girls, but if you even try to harm one hair on Roxie's head, I will make sure that you will receive that and worse right back at you, understand?'_" Roxie shuddered pleasantly from the memory.

"Aww, that is so sweet, well kind of." Alice chimed in.

"Yeah I know. I've got the best boyfriend in the world." She said dreamily which is very un-Roxie like.

"No way dude, I have the best boyfriend in the world!" Exclaimed Alice over the top. "Frank's so sweet and nice!"

"Alice, you're mistaken I believe _I _have the best boyfriend ever." Jess stated matter-of-factly while looking at her nails in mock-boredom.

Roxie suddenly got a mischievous flash in her eyes.

"Which reminds me Jess. Why were you and Remus the only seventh years not to come to Hogsmeade this weekend?" Roxie lifted an inquiring eyebrow while smiling sweetly.

"We decided to stay behind so that we could have a quiet conversation with just Remus and me!" Jess said defensively but Roxie didn't miss the slight darkening of her friends eyes as she recalled the day.

"Really? Well Jess, for one thing I don't think it would have been a quiet conversation considering you just got slightly turned on by thinking of it…" Jess opened her mouth to protest but Roxie got there first.

"And don't try to deny it because I can see it in your eyes. And secondly I don't think _'oh Remus, harder…faster…I want all of you'_ counts as a conversation." Roxie smiled innocently as Jess turned a shade beetroot while imitating a goldfish. As the colour in her face started to drain back to normal Jess smiled impishly.

"Actually Roxie, just because you may have to tell Sirius what you want doesn't mean I have to tell Remus. Believe me, he knows me _far_ to well for that." Her impish smile remained on her face while the other girls all looked at each other and then peeled into another round of giggles.

"Ooh, so scandalous!" Squealed Alice.

"Well, you just have to be talking about me then if it's scandalous." Sirius beamed down on the gossiping girls and took his place next to Roxie.

"Morning Rox, you have a good sleep?" He asked tenderly while brushing a stray tendril of hair behind her ear.

"I had a wonderful sleep thank you. And yourself…"

Lily blocked out the conversation between the couple and turned to talk to Jess. She was about to make a joke about Roxie's change in attitude around Sirius when she stopped and saw her engrossed in conversation with Remus.

Instead she spoke to Alice.

"Can you believe how different Roxie is around Sirius? She's so tame, and she _blushes_! Roxie never blushes!" Lily said in a shocked voice.

"Yeah, that's what love does to you, makes you do things that seem completely out of the ordinary to others, even though it feels natural to yourself." Alice replied dreamily.

"Love? _Love?_ Alice, they've been going out for less then twenty four hours. How can it be love?

"Lily, when you're going out with some one all it means is that's its official. For everyone else to see, to declare your feelings out loud, if you will. But feelings don't suddenly develop over night for anyone it's a gradual process, and the longer that process is let to run the deeper they become. Now how long have Sirius and Roxie been after each other?" She asked gently.

Lily's brow furrowed.

"I don't know, about three years, maybe longer?"

"Exactly, that's a long time in the process, don't you think?"

"Yes, I guess you're right Alice." Lily smiled and looked at her best friend while she sat with Sirius. _'They really are a match made in heaven…or hell'_ She chuckled to herself and turned back to Alice.

"Look Lily, I've got to go, Frank is waiting for me to go for a walk, but promise me something." She said softly.

"Ok." She replied cautiously.

"Think about what I just said. It may help you in the long run." And with that said and a small wink Alice sauntered off to meet with Frank Longbottom, her boyfriend in the year below.

And once again, Lily was alone.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

It was nearly the end of lunch when Lily made her way down from the library intending to get into the Great Hall when a commotion started up at the entrance.

James Potter and Sirius Black were having a play fight right in the middle of the entrance, blocking everyone. Roxie was laughing along joyfully and spurring on Sirius. Jess and Remus looked on in amusement, holding an almost parental look in their eyes.

It was as if nothing had changed. How dare he?! Well, if James could act normal, so could Lily.

Before any of the professors had a chance, Lily marched right up to the two boys who were still rolling around laughing and delivering ineffective blows to each other. It was as if their strength had been numbed by the laughing.

"POTTER! BLACK! WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Lily shouted over the top of the crowd and boys on the floor. At once everyone stopped, the crowd dispersed quicker then smoke in air when they saw Lily's thunderous face.

The two fighting boys looked at each other and then at Lily. Still chuckling to themselves. Sirius sat back on his elbows casually, as if he wasn't in the middle of the entrance to the Great Hall.

"What's the problem Lily flower?" he asked nonchalantly, before breaking into another fit of giggles.

"What's the problem? The problem is that you are _blocking_the way into the Great Hall because you were fighting. People need to get in and this is in no way setting a good example to the first years or anyone as a matter of fact…and don't call me Lily flower." She replied stiffly.

"Sorry Lily petal, didn't realise that we would upset you by having fun. We'll add that to our list of Do's and Don'ts." James replied for Sirius. Lily's back stiffened visibly.

"I never said you weren't allowed to have fun, but it is pretty obvious that you are not meant to _play_ in the Great Hall." She responded dangerously quietly.

"Is that so?" James repeated slowly, challenging her to a verbal duel.

"Look Potter, this may be all farts and giggles to you, but considering I am Head Girl maybe you should take me seriously."

"Haha, you said farts" Sirius cut in over the top obviously trying to relieve the tension. Lily sent her best death glare in his direction effectively shutting him up. As if he hadn't heard what Sirius had said James carried on his dangerous conversation with Lily.

"So, then, when was it exactly we went back to last name basis Evans?"

"The moment you decided to annoy the hell out of me. Now, I suggest you get up off the floor before I decide take points of your house."

"It's your house as well Evans; you wouldn't take points off your own house."

"Just watch me." She replied coldly.

"Fine, have it your way." And with that he got up pulling Sirius up with him. Lily walked away and was almost out of hearing distance when she heard James voice again. He was intentionally speaking for her to hear.

"Say Sirius, does the Lily flower have thorns?"

"What? No, roses have thorns, why?"

"Because that Lily does." He stated simply and walked away from the once again gathering crowd.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Lily's eyes burned with unshed tears but she refused to cry for James Potter anymore. She was above his petit little arguments and barbs. She was above _him._

She sat down at the Gryffindor table and started to dish out her lunch when someone came down and sat opposite her.

"Leave me alone Potter, I don't want to hear it." She said wearily.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not James Potter." Returned a shy and well spoken voice. Lily looked up only to be faced by a handsome boy with dusky grey eyes.

Rubin Malvaez

"Rubin?" Lily questioned perplexed.

"Yes, um, sorry I didn't know you knew me that well, not that you know me well but, you know, knew my name and such." He rambled on giving Lily time to go over things in her head.

_'Okay, I have a devilishly handsome, shy, well spoken boy from…Ravenclaw! Speaking to me…this is it Lily, it's time to pull out all the stops, though not as heavily as at the beginning of the year, and flirt with this boy so I can hopefully claim him to be my ticket away from James Potter.'_ With that sorted in her head she realised that he had just finished talking and she did something she had never really done before.

Lily giggled and fluttered her eye lashes and replied, 'Of course I know you, silly, we do Ancient Runes together, well, not together but we're in the same class." Lily carried on smiling and bit her bottom lip flirtatiously while constantly thinking. _'Oh. My. God. That sounded so stupid.'_

Rubin didn't seem to notice the uncharacteristic sentence of Lily's; in fact he seemed to be lapping it up.

"Look, um, I know we haven't really spoken much, but you see, I'm, um having a spot of trouble in Runes and I was just wondering whether you could help me, say tonight, or tomorrow or some other time." He looked away sheepishly. He was obviously not very good at this. Lily hesitated, should she? Wouldn't she be using him? His voice once again punctured her thoughts.

"I love the way you handled Potter by the way. He really does need taking down a peg or two."

Lily's mind was made up.

"I'd love to help you Rubin, how about tomorrow after dinner. I'll meet you right here and we can walk up together." She replied while subtly playing with her hair.

"Yes! Um, yes, I think that'll work. Brilliant, I'll see you then." And with that he walked away and Lily's plan started to fall into place.

**A/N: SO THE PLOT THICKENS! A ****NEW**** CHARACTER IS SET, WHAT WILL BE THE OUTCOME OF THIS? MWAH HA HA! YOU'LL ****JUST**** HAVE TO STAYED TUNED ****AND**** FIND OUT! LOL!**

**THANKS AGAIN TO ****ALL**** OF MY REVIEWERS! I LOVE EVERY ****ONE**** OF YOU!**

**I'LL HOPEFULLY UPDATE SOONER THEN I HAVE BEEN!**

**LUV**** YA!**

**SNAKE XX**


	18. When bad timing rears its ugly head

**A/N: HELLO AGAIN! I HOPE I FIND YOU ****ALL****WELL****! GUESS WHAT? I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST! AWOOWOO! CALL THE AUTHORITIES! LOL! I ****GOT**** BORED WITH HOMEWORK SO I THOUGHT I SHOULD WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER! YAY! **

**ALSO A WARNING, THIS CHAPTER IS SLIGHTLY FLUFFY FOR SOME CHARACTERS ****AND**** THEN TORTURE FOR OTHERS. VERY ANGSTY ****AND**** FLUFFY ****ALL**** AT ONCE.**

**ANYWAYS, INTRODUCING…**

**Chapter 18**

"Oh, hey Remus! How are you? I haven't spoken to you in a while." Lily asked happily. She was wondering around the common room to try and find her favourite quill that she had misplaced. Remus looked up from the book he was reading while sprawled out on one of the sofas.

"Yes, you haven't spoken to me in ages, but I have been here, we just haven't really crossed paths, especially now that we do separate rounds with the prefects…why is that again?" he asked questioningly.

"Because of those out-of-line first time prefects that seem to like to abuse their roles, I swear we were never that bad, I mean even the Hufflepuffs' are bad this year…what's his name…Diggory, Amos's younger brother is terrible! I really think he's being sent something somewhat illegal to the school. You'd think they'd have wards against it." Lily said huffily.

"Wards against what?"

"Against what he's smuggling in, you know…cannabis." She whispered the name of the plant as if it was going to sneak up on her and Remus had to suppress a grin. He knew that Diggory was sneaking in the drug but he wasn't about to stop him. He was being sent it from Amos, his older brother and he happened to know that some of his friends were helping to supply the demand and were in fact some of his biggest customers. Remus smiled as he thought of the good times they had had while under the influence. Oh yes, Remus had dabbled in it as well. He would claim to them that it was a good pain killer, which it is, and the other side effects were just something he'd have to endure while easing the pain…not that he minded though.

_'Bless you Lily, if only you know what you're best friends were up to when you weren't looking. Time to play a little game I think.' _He thought to himself.

"Don't worry Lily, I'm sure he's not idiotic enough to smuggle that in, but even if he was it's in his traits you know." He stated matter-of-factly.

"What on Earth do you mean it's in his traits?" She asked somewhat perplexed.

"What house is he from Lils?"

"Hufflepuff."

"Exactly."

"I don't understand, Remus."

"Here, let me emphasis it, HUFF-le-PUFF." He grinned wolfishly as realisation dawned on Lily's features.

"Remus! The reason the house is called Hufflepuff is due to the founder! Not because of some…some silly…plant with THC's! Where on earth did you come up with that one?" she exclaimed still slightly shocked by his statement, which to Lily was completely incorrect.

"Well, if you had read _Hogwarts: A History of the Founders_ then you would know that Hufflepuff was just a nick-name that stuck when she was caught absolutely off her rocker by Salazar who, being the nasty one, gave her the nick name. Of course it stuck as good old Godric decided it was funny and so yeah, that's about it." He finished easily as if it was an every day thing to talk about the founders getting absolutely wrecked on bud.

"I don't believe you, there's no such book for a start, I would have found it." She scoffed in reply.

"Really? So you've been in the restricted section with an unlimited access pass?" he replied casually.

"Well, no…but I still don't believe you." She said uncertainly.

"Fine, don't believe me, but don't forget I am the reliable marauder. Go ask Pince if you don't believe me." Remus gave her a wolfish grin and turned back to his book laughing inwardly considering that no matter what she said; Lily had fallen for it hook, line and sinker. And even if she hadn't, she would still ask Madam Pince as soon as she got to the library.

"Anyway, I'll see you later…I'm off to the library."

"Going to go check already?" he said jokingly, his eyes sparkling mischievously.

"No! Remus stop teasing me! I'm meeting someone there…to study." She finished sheepishly. Now this was interesting.

"Really, and who is my favourite flower meeting to…study?" he said teasing her lightly.

"Just a guy from Ravenclaw. He just needs my help in Runes." She said slightly defensively.

"A Ravenclaw needing help? Are you sure it isn't some ulterior motive that he's getting you to the library…it isn't one of those guys that was following you around at the beginning of this year was it?" he asked his eyes starting to cloud in uncertainty and doubt. Lily blushed at the memory he brought up and answered quietly but defensively.

"No, his Name is Rubin and he's a really nice guy."

"Rubin…Rubin…I know that name. Can't picture his face though. What time are you meeting him?" he asked suspiciously.

"Oh right about…oh no! Five minutes ago, oh, sod the quill, I'll just look for it later….bye Remus…Don't wait up for me!" she called over her shoulder playfully. All previous hesitation forgotten.

Remus sat staring after her retreating figure for a while. He had heard the name Rubin… Rubin…Malvaez! Rubin Malvaez, the pansy 7th year from Ravenclaw. The extremely handsome pansy from Ravenclaw. Oh god, lily and Rubin would make a good couple, and it seemed like he had set his sites on a certain flower.

Oh no, James wouldn't like this.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Lily walked into the library still slightly out of breath from nearly running all of the way. She didn't want to be too late to her first, and hopefully not her last, study date with Rubin. She looked around and then spied him at a corner table by himself, looking around nervously and sub-consciously wringing his hands together.

Lily went up to him, putting a subtle sway into her walk.

"Hi Rubin." She said cheerfully.

"Lily! Hi, um, here let me get that for you." He said quickly while jumping up and pulling out her chair. Lily inwardly gushed, he was such a gentleman! When she had properly settled down and got all of her books out Lily looked up to find charcoal grey eyes staring at her. In this dim light they seemed darker.

_'Oh, I could get lost I those eyes.' _Lily thought to herself.

Lily cleared her throat and started to speak, not wanting to give the game away.

"So…what was it that you needed help with." She asked brightly.

"Well, you know the comparisons we're making between ancient Egyptians and Anglo-Saxon wizards? I'm having a bit of difficulty with how the meaning can change when in a certain order and such." He replied slipping into a business like tone.

"Oh, well, once you grab the basic rules it's not too bad…I had to read this book to do it though…"

And so it carried on. Lily and Rubin worked together in almost perfect sync. They complimented each others strengths and flaws. As well as working though, they tended to adventure more into talking about the more personal side of their lives, instead of the academic, and soon work was forgotten completely.

Towards the end of the session they both felt like they had known each other a lot longer then they really had.

"So, uh Lily, we didn't really get to finish today…you wouldn't want to meet again maybe, sometime, unless you're busy, which I'm sure you are… but if-" he started to ramble again, a tendency he had when he was working up the nerve to ask something. Lily decided to finish the idea for him.

"How about tomorrow at the same time and same place?" she asked smiling warmly. A faint blush made it's way onto Rubin's face.

"Yes…yes that would be marvellous. Until then I suppose. Good night Lily." He turned and walked out of the library where Lilt stood practically glowing. She shivered slightly out of happiness.

She was walking out of the library when she suddenly remembered. She hadn't been distracted by other thoughts once that night. Not by that hoax book that Remus had brought up and not even by that troublesome Raven haired boy, James Potter.

**A/N: SORRY TO DO THIS TO YOU GUYS, GO STRAIGHT ON TO CH19, THATS MEANT TO BE THE REST OF THIS CHAPTER. **


	19. When bad timing reasrs its ugly head par...

**Chapter 18 (carried on)**

A week passed, and then a fort night and then a month and Lily and Rubin were still meeting up. Their friendship had grown but not in the way of a best friend, but something more. Lily hadn't heard from James, in fact they hadn't spoken since the thorn incident unless small talk was forced upon them.

Lily and Rubin were moving to new ground though it hadn't been breached by either. They were in a type of no-man's land. Neither one knows what to do even though they know what they want. It was common knowledge around the school that things were starting to heat up around them. There was even a bet going for when and where they would finally admit their feelings first. The hot bets were in the library, while 'studying', this coming Friday night. This Friday was significant because it was Rubin's 18th and then he would go home for the holidays as it was mid December already. Time had flown.

Needless to say James hadn't taken this new development well.

He had slipped back into old habits and new girls. He had even started with the Slytherins. Whenever Sirius or Remus objected he would just shrug and say something like 'at least they know it's no strings attached.' He would stay away from the Gryffindor common room and never visit the Head Girl and Boy quarters. They were like torture to him. Every time he stepped into there he could sense her presence even if she wasn't actually there. If he breathed in deeply he could smell her perfume, if he touched something soft it would feel like she did in his dreams and if he closed his eyes long enough he could even see her. Pure. Torture.

After he had slept with a girl, no not slept, fucked. He only fucked girls now. Rough on them and himself as if punishing them for what they were doing. But that never stopped him, or her for that matter, whoever she was. It only drove him in, driving him further into this madness to find something to fill this hole in his heart, his soul, his existence.

But it never worked.

It only made it worse.

Anyway, after sleeping with this girl, he would send her away from his sight as if repulsed. Then he would stare at his hands and body with…something in his eyes. Revolt, disgust, take your pick. Next he's go to the showers and not come back for at least three quarters of an hour. He'd just stand there, like the living dead, staring at the wall, not noticing when the water was too hot or too cold. He was numb; he was a shell of the man he used to be. Oh yes, Sirius and Remus had seen it, and so had everyone else. Teachers, students, his parents and even animals. But that wasn't the worst of it. Once a month when Remus would transform James would turn into Prongs and jump on the wolf, begging for a fight. And he would get it. But he wouldn't win. Oh no, he never won. Instead he'd spend the next few days in bed healing.

He was in a walking coma and there was only one thing, or person that could revive him.

And that was her.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Lily was waiting in the library for Rubin; her stomach had been filled with some sort of emotion. Kind of a mix between anxiety and anticipation. Butterflies would be born and then turned into stone by some magical force and then land heavily at the pit of her stomach. Or at least that's what it felt like. She wrung her hands as she sat at her and Rubin's table. Tonight would be the night, she knew it now. She would give Rubin their first kiss together. But why the hell was she so anxious about some silly little kiss? What was so terribly thrilling yet unnerving about some little thing?

_'Maybe it's because I like him so much. I mean he's a gentleman, he's bright, he's sensitive, he's in Ravenclaw and it doesn't hurt that he's terribly good looking…he's everything I wanted all those months ago…no, and now, I still want him now! Come on Evans, this is what you wanted, this is going to be the perfect boyfriend for you, don't mess it up now!' _She was startled out of her trance by a familiar voice calling her name. It was Rubin. Once again the butterflies turned into stone.

"Hey Lily, sorry I'm late. I had to hand in a report to Monoghen." He said silkily while walking, no gliding, towards her. She smiled warmly, premonitions forgotten as she looked into those eyes of his.

"Hey yourself, and I _suppose_ you can be forgiven for leaving me here sitting alone." She sighed dramatically and lifted a hand to her brow. His rich laughter sounded through the library until he got shushed by Madam Pince.

He took Lily's hand gently from her brow and into his own.

"Come on, let's go." He whispered softly, dangerously close to her ear.

"Go where?" she asked giggling slightly.

"It's a surprise…trust me."

"Shouldn't I be the one surprising you on your birthday?" she asked questioningly.

"Well, technically you should, but we don't need to conform tonight. Let's be anarchists! Be exciting!" he said, the excitement clearly showing in his voice.

"Oh my, is a _Ravenclaw_ suggesting that studying isn't fun?" she teased lightly. Once again he blushed slightly and once again she inwardly gushed, but it had a hint of something else in it, like a squirmy feeling.

"Come on, let's go." He said, and without further questions or teasing she followed him through the corridors and into the grounds. He kept on walking and she kept on following until they reached a blanket with a basket on.

_'A picnic, how cliché…no, no, it's romantic, just like I wanted.' _Mentally shaking herself she went and sat down next to him.

"Uh Rubin, isn't it a bit cold to have a picnic tonight?"

"Oh right, sorry hang on." He pulled out his wand and cast a heating charm over the two of them.

He hesitantly put his arm around her and she naturally shrank into his embrace. They sat like that for a while and then started to eat and talk. About everything and anything. She loved it, and she could tell that he did too. Lily once again felt the stone butterflies live again and flutter around in her stomach. Anticipation was starting to take hold.

They had finished their picnic and once again she slipped into his embrace. They had both been dancing around the subject but there was no avoiding it now. He inhaled deeply.

"Lily…" he started hesitantly.

"Rubin?"

"Um, I know you can probably guess this by now, you're an extremely clever woman, but I really like you as in more then just the platonic way. I feel that, uh, well I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I think that, well will you be, um, will you-"

Lily silenced him with a kiss. She poured as much passion as she could into it. She ran her hands through his soft hair and down his arms and linked them round his neck.

He kissed timidly at first but getting more into it. His hands started to travel, went over some of her most sensitive spots. But no.

Nothing.

She opened her eyes and pulled away. His lips were swollen from the kiss and his chest was heaving from lack of breath and he looked more gorgeous and breathtaking then he ever had but it just wasn't enough. Why? Where were the fireworks and light headed feeling? The feelings that she got ten fold with her last kiss.

"It's not fair." She whispered out loud.

"Sorry Lily, but what's not fair?" he asked still slightly breathless.

"What's going on with me and you, it's not fair on you. I'm sorry Rubin, but I can't be with you, not like that." She saw the pain flash across his features that she loved so much but not at all. She realised it now, she had used him and to no avail.

"But, but I thought you felt for me?" his voice cracked, complete confusion and hurt in his eyes.

"I thought I did too. I'm so sorry Rubin. You're too good a man for me." She whispered and held her hand up to his cheek. He leaned in to the touch ever so slightly.

"It's okay, I'd rather have found out now then, then further down the line." He looked down to his hands and started to inspect his nails.

"Sorry Rubin, but I have to go, I'm really tired, all I want to do is curl up with a book…but, can we still be friends?" she asked hesitantly. Suddenly a flash of memory came before her and James Potter's voice echoed in her head.

_"I love you Lily, but I can't just sit and watch you get on with your life with me as an extra wheel. As the 'good friend'. I need more then that, I need you. But I'm not going to get that, so no. We can't be friends. I couldn't handle that. Good Bye Lily."_

She flinched and waited for his answer.

"Of course my flower, I wouldn't have it any other way." He replied softly.

Tears filled her eyes at his answer, she was overwhelmed by the gratefulness she felt for him at that moment.

"Thank you." She croaked, still fighting back the tears. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and stood. She left him sitting there while she made her way back to the common room.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Sirius and Remus were sitting with their respective girlfriends in the Head's quarters. They were having a laugh together when the door opened. They all turned to see James Potter walk in without a girl on his arm.

"Prongsie mate! I thought you were on a date?" Sirius called cheerfully across the common room.

"No, no, I was meant to be but then I thought Hey! I haven't done any homework in a while so I cancelled and decided to do some. But I couldn't find a quill at my place so I thought I could borrow one off of Remus as he's always been the organised one of us and-"

"Woah! Slow down! Take a breath, Merlin your happy, what's gotten into you?" Sirius asked jokingly.

"Nothing, I just really need a quill." He looked around his eyes darting back and forth. Remus watched the whole scene with careful eyes.

"I think there may be one under or behind the sofa or something, Lily dropped it ages ago, don't know if she ever picked it up." Remus offered slowly.

"Thanks Remus, you're such a good friend, good friend." He rambled on while searching the sofa.

"Nope, no way is there a quill behind here, but there's parchment, and Merlin knows I need parchment to do homework, couldn't write them on my boxers and hand them in could I? Haha, the look on Monoghen's face if I did that... hang on this parchment has already been written on." He trailed off into silence as he started to read the parchment but was interrupted by Remus.

"Say Prongsie, have you by any chance been buying anything new off of the smallest Diggory?" he asked casually.

"No, no no, not the smallest. The biggest… Amos…Amos what a strange name… he let me have a trial run with these new things. Said they don't harm you. Just make you alert and take your mind off things."

Remus's jaw clenched.

_'Oh no, please let him not have fallen for that.'_

Sirius must have seen the concern and fear etched into Remus's features because it was him who asked James the question.

"James mate, what exactly _did_ you take?" he asked cautiously.

"Pills, little while ones, two of them. They had hearts on, and smiley faces, they make my hurts go away." James looked like a little lost boy as he stood there with his eyes darting around on their own volition while holding a crumpled piece of parchment.

James tuned everyone out and started to read the parchment again. It took a while, but soon it started to sink in. When he read the conclusion he felt his heart wrench and his throat tighten. He suddenly didn't feel as happy as he had moments before. He read the conclusion over and over.

_'Now that all the possibilities have been measured up I can safely say that the reasons for which I shouldn't go out with James seem to over power those that say I should go out with him. So for conclusion I have decided that I must get over these feelings I have for him by finding someone new. Someone more like me. I know that this will help me to forget about James.'_

"She had feelings for me, she did this…on purpose." He whispered to himself.

"Prongsie mate, are you okay? What's happened, what does the parchment say?" Sirius asked while slowly edging over to him. He knew what James had taken and he knew the effects. Emotions were multiplied ten fold as were senses. He didn't want to startle him. He was already in a state.

At that moment Lily walked in through the doors. James spun around to see her and she immediately saw him and the torment in his eyes. He looked down and she followed his gaze. She saw the parchment.

"Oh no, James, no…I…" she started to stutter but decided against talking altogether when she saw him drop the parchment as if it was burning him.

He took one look at everyone else and then at Lily, his gaze lingering. Then he fled. He ran out of the common room and ran towards the grounds. He couldn't wait so he changed into his animagus form before he had left the castle. He was gone in a flash.

Sirius had straight away bolted after him but was in no way any match for a full grown stag. Prongs disappeared along with James.

"FUCK!" Sirius shouted into the darkness of the corridors. If only he could get outside quicker then he could track James by his scent. As soon as he burst through the doors he transformed, he immediately picked up his scent and ran after it. It seemed as though James was heading into Hogsmeade.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Back in the common room Lily who had still been crying from her first situation tonight broke down into tears and ran into her room. Jess and Roxie tried to follow her but found that she had locked the door and sealed it with a spell. It was no use.

Remus who had been left on his own in the main common room walked over to the piece of parchment and picked it up. He started to read it and his stomach dropped.

"Oh Lily, how could you be so foolish."

Jess and Roxie came up behind him.

"What are we going to do?" Jess asked softly.

"There's nothing we can do. I won't be able to go after James or Sirius now as I won't be able to catch them and I don't think Lily's going to be coming out. I think the only thing we can do is wait until morning, and until then get a good nights sleep. Merlin knows we all need it after that little episode."

The girls nodded. Roxie made her way back to Gryffindor common room and into Sirius's bed. Jess and Remus went to bed in his room. And they did the only thing they could. They waited.

**A/N: WOW! A ****LOT**** HAPPENING IN THAT CHAPTER! I MADE IT LONGER AS I DECIDED THERE WAS NO APPROPRIATE PLACES TO STOP EXCEPT FOR QUITE SOON IN SO IT WAS EITHER GOING TO BE SHORT OR LONG! OBVIOUSLY I CHOSE THE LATTER! I HOPE ****ALL**** LOADS ****WELL****, ****AND**** ALSO TO ****NEW**** READERS, I MESSED UP THE UPLOADS AT ****ONE**** POINT ****AND**** CHPATER 17 REPLACED CHAPTER1! IF YOU READ IT LIKE THAT THEN IT'S ****ALL**** BEEN SORTED!**

**SORRY IT'S SO ANGSTY! IT WILL TURN ****REAL**** SOON! I'M NEARLY DONE WITH THE STORY!**

**READ ****AND**** REVIEW!**

**LUV**** YA!**

**SNAKE XX**


	20. Turn about

**A/N: WOW, I'M SOO SORRY IT ****HAS**** TAKEN A WHILE FOR ME TO UPDATE BUT I'VE BEEN REALLY BUST LATELY ****AND**** A LOT ****HAS**** BEEN GOING ON. **

**!!!!!ALSO A WARNING!!!!! THERE IS MENTION OF SOME PRETTY NASTY STUFF IN HERE, _SERIOUS_ DRUG ABUSE ****AND**** MENTION OF SEXUAL THEMES ****ARE**** INCLUDED. YOU HAVE BEEN FOREWARNED.**

**SO WITHOUT ME CHATTING FOREVER IN MY A/N, I'M ****JUST**** GOING TO SAY ON WITH THE ****SHOW****…**

**Chapter 19**

Sirius was hot on James trail, he had caught up slowly but surely while running so fast he felt his heart would burst.

_'Come on, come _on!_ I've nearly got you! Oh God, please let him not be so fucked when I catch him.'_ Sirius rounded a corner coming ever closer to his bounty. He stopped. His scent was so strong here; it was as if he was standing right there in front of him. But if that was the case where the hell was he?

Sirius transformed out of his animagus form and back into his human form. He looked around, no, James definitely wasn't here. There was only one explanation. He had apparated.

"No...Shit he can't be gone." Sirius muttered to himself.

"James?" he called.

No reply.

"James? JAMES?" He yelled not caring that it was dark and people were probably trying to sleep.

"JAMES?!"

Still no reply.

He thought of all of the possible places that James would've gone to.

_'Shrieking shack? No, he went too far for that. Flaming Bolt? Unlikely, there's the age barrier and that's also further into town. The Three Broomsticks? No that's in the other direction.'_

All possibilities ruled out Sirius knew that the only option left was the one he knew was the answer all along.

James was gone.

"FUCK!!" He screamed into the night, frustration taken over he transformed back into Padfoot and ran back to the castle.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Lily lay collapsed on her bed, numb from feeling. She didn't know what else she could do. The tears had been spent so crying wasn't an option, not that she wanted to cry anyway, that just made her feel weaker. It would also prove that she was still capable of harbouring feelings and emotions.

She didn't want that either.

She thought of Rubin and the hurt in his eyes when she had pulled away from the kiss. Even though she hadn't said it out loud she knew he had heard it. It echoed from her body language. __

_'Nothing, I felt nothing for everything I wanted…what I thought I wanted anyway.'_

Then she thought of James. He was in a state when she had seen him. His eyes were as wide a house elf's eyes while he read a piece of parchment. _That_ piece of parchment. Lily had recognised it as soon as she saw it. How on _earth_ could she have forgotten about _that?_ That should have been burnt as soon as it was written.

She would've smacked herself on the forehead if she had had the energy, but she didn't, so she lay there, frozen.

James's face and flee when he had read the parchment had wrenched her insides and been imprinted onto the back of her eyelids. She would see it when she closed her eyes, and feel it when they were open.

However, the feeling she had received when she realised what was going on intrigued her. She felt like she had betrayed him and she was ridden with guilt. She knew _exactly_ what he was feeling, she had felt the same back in forth year. They had effectively kept the scenario but switched places and the object which was the cause of pain.

_'But I suppose it's all the same really.' _Lily thought to herself. _'He was everything I thought I didn't want when all I could think about was him. How's that for logic?' _

She exhaled slowly and her mind inexplicably turned to the kiss that they had shared in Hogsmeade. The rush of emotion that she had felt at the moment of the kiss returned to her but was accompanied with a fresh wave of guilt. It was at that moment that realisation dawned on Lily and everything slotted into place.

_'He's everything my mind doesn't want, yet everything my heart screams for. It's like that stunt I pulled at the beginning of the year, it was to get him to notice me, to notice that I was ignoring him, like he had me for so long. But he had ignored me because he thought I didn't care, that I wasn't interested. But that's what I thought as well. To quote Shakespeare, 'O what a tangled web we weave!' I can't believe that for all this time I've had feelings for him. And now that I've ruined it I'll never get a chance, how could he forgive me? I never forgave him, but that will change from now. God I hope he forgives me, if he doesn't I don't know what I'll do… I love him, I always have. I just didn't know it.'_

She sighed deeply and closed her eyes. Trying to detect what it was inside of her that was aching, a constant dull throb that grew with every stroke. She almost laughed when she immediately realised what it was and how simple the answer was.

It was her heart, aching for James Potter once more.

And just when she thought the tears had all been spent.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

James apparated into the middle of a wild scene. The music playing had such a heavy baseline to it he could feel it vibrating through him as he stood there looking around. And what a sight it was. People were dancing on the floor, on chairs, on tables, he could see someone throwing up out of the window, he could hear people laughing hysterically in the corner and he saw people having sex behind the sofa. He fought down the nausea that rose, that was just plain wrong. He needed to find Amos. He needed him to give him more of those painkillers, the little white ones with hearts on.

He liked them, they made him feel special.

He wondered around the apartment still in a slight drug induced haze. Yes, he could start to feel his heart ache again, definitely time for more painkillers. He wondered into the kitchen and there by the stove heating up a white substance was Amos's flat mate Leo. James ambled over and fell onto the kitchen surface next to Leo, pushing a countless number of empty bottles to the floor. Leo turned around at the noise and locked his eyes onto James.

"Dude? Dude! James dude! How's it going little buddy? What you here for? Surely you don't need a new stash already? Surely my partner in crime has you sorted out at school?!" said Leo without turning around for longer then three seconds.

"I need more of those painkillers, my heart hurts." James slurred. Leo's brow creased, he was clearly confused.

"Painkillers? Painkillers…Oh shit! Yeah, fuck dude, you gotta go easy on them, you can't overdose on the, uh, painkillers. And what do you mean your heart hurts?"

"Lily, LILY! You fuckwit butt munch! Lily makes my heart hurt now give me painkillers….please…please." James trailed off into silence, his eyes still darting around taking in his surroundings.

"Okay man, okay. Look, come through to my bedroom, I keep some in there."

Leo made his way through the crowd and James followed him with only one eye open. He didn't like this scene. He walked into the bedroom and Leo found what he was looking for while James sat in a stupefied state on the bed. He held his hand out while Leo gave him the pills.

He saw Leo take a pill and saw the effects immediately kick in. His eyes went out of focus and he looked… bad. He watched as he slowly lay down and smile at James.

"I love you, dude, I love you so much right now."

It was scary what drugs could do to a person.

James put the pills back onto the bed and thought about what his friends would say, what his teachers would say, his parents, Lily…Lily. There was that pain again. James picked up the pills and threw them down his throat. Ten minutes later he stumbled out of the room and joined the party.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Sirius had made it back to the Head's quarters in record time and was at the moment watching Remus pace around the room. Jess and Roxie were still asleep and they didn't want to worry the girls so they hadn't woken them up.

"Alright, so if I were a heart broken James where would I go?" Remus muttered to himself.

"You forgot to add jacked up on Ecstasy Moony." Sighed Sirius. He still couldn't believe that James had taken it. But the way he had spoken about it suggested he didn't know what he was taking.

"True… you know what? When this whole ordeal is though I'm going to _kick _Amos's arse to fucking Australia and back." Remus growled, still pacing.

Sirius's eyebrows raised into his hairline. Remus never swore unless he was scared or _really_ angry. Sirius guessed he was a bit of both. He knew that he himself was. Sirius carried on thinking, where would he go. Then it struck him. It was so simple! He'd go where the pain would be healed. Ice cold panic shot through him.

"FUCK! He's going to be at Amos's place! His flat mate was having a party, he invited us along but he warned me that it'd be heavy so I didn't even bother thinking about it."

"Holy shit! You mean Leo? What if he takes anything else? He's tripped out enough as it is! FUCK!" Remus yelled.

"That's it. I'm going into Hogsmeade again. I can get there quickly in my dog form, but obviously you can't transform. I'll apparate from there. I may be a while getting James back though. Look, could you get water and a bed ready, and then go get James cloak and keep an eye out for us. We need to get him back in the castle and if he's in a state we need to get him hidden." Sirius's eyes burned with determination. They would get their friend back by morning if it meant staying out all night.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Sirius had made it all the way to Hogsmeade without a problem and had apparated as soon as he was able to. He appeared right in the middle of the party and was shocked by what he saw. He liked to party, he always had. But this was sick, and not in a good way. His eyes scanned the room for James or anyone familiar when he heard someone calling his name. It was Leo.

"Yo man, come to join the party?" he asked laughing while he grabbed Sirius into a bear hug.

"No, I've come to take James away, now where is he? I know he's here, and where the fuck is Amos?" Sirius asked, his voice as hard as stone.

"Amos? Amos isn't here dude; he hasn't been here for about a month! He's away with his fiancée trying to get cleaned up. I don't know why though, he only ever smokes green. It's not like its harmful or anything." Leo slurred back at Sirius.

"What? Then why the hell did he give James some Ecstasy? That shit's bad dude! I think he sent it through owl post." Sirius watched Leo as he started to giggle.

"Siri man, that wasn't Amos, it was _me!_ But you can't tell anyone, that's our little secret okay?" Leo started giggling again and Sirius felt anger like no other bubble up inside of him.

"It was you?" before he could get an answer Sirius punched Leo with all the force he could, knocking him out cold on the floor. He kicked his unconscious body onto his side and knelt down beside him.

"And that's _our_ little secret, okay Leo?" he looked up from where he was kneeling and saw James standing over him.

"Pads…too much…help…" James hit the floor before he finished his sentence.

-(-(-(-)-)-)-

Remus had done everything Sirius had asked and was now waiting for Sirius to appear with James. He stood under the cloak by the Entrance to the castle shaking although he wasn't cold. Then he saw them. Sirius was running along holding his wand out in front of him. James was floating in front completely out cold. Remus sprinted towards them.

"I got the cloak, put him under." Remus said as he ran beside Sirius.

"No, he needs air while he can get it, and he also needs the hospital wing. He's hardly breathing and his pulse is so slow I sat there for about a minute waiting for it to happen. Look, you take over with the levitation spell and I'll run ahead to the hospital wing." Sirius was about to transform when he heard Remus's voice.

"We can't! He'll be expelled!" he shouted.

"Fuck it Remus! He's about to die on us and he will if he doesn't get professional help! I'd rather see him expelled then in his grave, okay?" Remus nodded.

And with that said Sirius transformed and ran across the grounds as fast as he could.

**A/N: WOAH, THIS WAS A SERIOUSLY NASTY CHAPTER, ****WELL****, I PROMISE IT'S GOING TO ****GET**** A HELL OF A LOT MORE CHERFULL IN THE ****NEXT**** TWO CHAPTERS BACAUSE THIS STORY IS DRAWING TO A CLOSE ****AND**** TWO CHAPTERS IS ****ALL**** I HAVE LEFT! :-( BUT ANYWAY, THANK YOU FOR BEING SO PATIENT! SORRY I DIDN'T REPLY TO ****ALL**** OF MY REVIEWERS FROM THE LAST CHAPTER BUT I STILL READ EVERY ****ONE****! READ ****AND**** REVIEW!**

**LUV**** YA!**

**SNAKE XX**


	21. Cause and effect

**A/N: HEY EVERYONE! ONCE AGAIN I AM SO SORRY FOR SUCH A DELAYED UPLOAD, BUT I HAD SERIOUS WRITERS BLOCK, GUESS I ****JUST**** NEEDED A BREAK! BUT I'm BACK ****NOW****AND**** IT'S NEARLY THE END! ANYWAY, THIS IS A MUCH HAPPIER CHAPTER ****AND**** NO WARNINGS GO WITH HIS ****ONE**** EXCEPT FOR PERHAPS THE LANGUAGE AS USUAL! I CANT SEEM TO DO ANYTHING TO INDICATE CHANGE OF POINT OF VIEW, SORRY IF IT GETS CONFUSING!**

**ON WITH THE STORY!**

**Chapter 20**

Sirius crashed into the hospital wing still half way through transforming back from his animagus form. He looked around breathing hard and shaking from nerves. A light was coming from Madam Pomfrey's office.

"Bingo!" he exclaimed under his breath.

Without waiting to be admitted into the office Sirius burst into the small room littered with medicines and paper to find Madam Pomfrey sitting there, absolutely fuming with this intrusion.

"SIRIUS BLACK! WELL I NEVER! NEVER HAS A STUDENT BEEN QUITE SO RUDE AS TO…" She started to yell but Sirius heard nothing, all he could hear was his own voice trying to tell Madam Pomfrey what was happening.

"Please! Listen! James…he's in a bad way, I…I think he's going to die, you have to help us! PLEASE!" the desperation in his voice had shocked him momentarily but was soon forgotten when he saw Madam Pomfrey's face. The normally strict, taut face had paled considerably and her mouth was hanging slack. She stood there gaping like a fish for what seemed like an eternity before she spoke.

"Wha- what did you say?" she asked weakly.

"It's James, he's really sick. I think he's going to die; Remus is bringing him up here now. Please we have to prepare for him. I'll explain everything later." Again his desperation and despair had leaked into his voice but had escalated as the seconds had gone by.

At that moment Remus came through the door pale as a sheet with James, who was even whiter, floating behind him. Sirius looked at the form of his best friend and felt his heart stop. There was vomit down the front of his shirt ad his eyes were rolled into the back of his head. Even now he was trying to fight; he had even brought himself out of a dead cold faint.

"Oh my, Master Lupin, get Potter on the bed right away, this is extremely serious. What has happened tonight? I need every detail. Black, you stay with me, Mister Lupin, go get Professor Dumbledore." The minute James had been brought into the wing she switched back into professional mode. She knew immediately that this case was more then likely substance related.

She just hoped this was the one time that she was wrong.

She started to run a series of tests on James, each one as important as the next. Every now and then she would cast a spell or inject him with something as he couldn't swallow. All the while Sirius watched in horror. Guilt racked his every fibre.

_'How could I have let this happen? Why didn't I stop it? I should've run faster, or realised sooner where you were. Shit, James if anything happens to you I'll blame myself.' _He was so lost in thought he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Dumbledore.

"I think you need to go and get some rest Sirius. Your friends are waiting for you and the Heads' Chambers." He said softly, his piercing blue eyes peering through his half moon spectacles.

"Yes Headmaster." Was all Sirius could reply. It was as if someone had cast the imperious curse on him. He felt as if someone else was controlling his movement and speech. When he arrived at his destination he couldn't remember the journey. He muttered the password and let himself in.

His gaze was met with those of his four friends. Remus stood up and Jess clutched onto him as if she was holding Remus up or the other way round. Roxie ran forward to meet Sirius and immediately enveloped him in a tight embrace which Sirius readily returned. After a while she leant back in his arms and looked back up to his face. She lifted a hand and wiped away something wet from his eyes.

_'Wet? Am I crying? I didn't even notice. I didn't think I knew how after all this time. Fuck.'_

'Rox… fuck…James is…Oh god, please help him.' And with that final thought he let go of everything. He cried into Roxie's shoulder without a trace of shame. Remus pulled Jess away to give them some privacy. Despite how much he wanted to quiz Sirius about what had happened he knew that this was a personal moment between lovers that shouldn't be disturbed.

It was a long time before Sirius was able to face the rest of his friends.

An hour later Remus came down with Jess. Sirius and Roxie were sitting on the sofa huddled up but by the looks of things Sirius had calmed down a lot. He'd even chuckle every now and then when Roxie whispered something in his ear. Remus smiled to himself at the picture laid before him but decided he'd waited around enough. He needed to know everything.

He pulled Jess with him and sat on the sofa opposite Sirius and Roxie. The four friends watched each other in silence for what seemed like a lifetime before Remus spoke.

'What happened out there my friend?' He asked softly his ambers eyes stricken with worry. They all watched intently as Sirius opened his mouth to reply until Roxie interrupted him.

'No, wait… I'll be back in a minute…' She said over her shoulder as she walked away quickly.

'Where're you going Rox?' Jess called after her.

'Lily, lily needs to hear this as well.' The others nodded in agreement even though Roxie didn't see.

They all agreed that Lily should hear this but not just because they were friends, also because they were more. So far over the school year they had had a small inkling of what was going on in James and Lily's heads, but they had recently found out that what they had thought was initially a small crush actually ran a lot deeper then anyone had thought.

Lily turned her head out try and tune out the constant banging in her ears.

'Nooo… sleeping.' Was all she replied.

'Lily if you don't get your fat and lazy arse out of bed in five seconds I'm going to _flippendo_ this fucking door down!'

_'Hang on, that sounds like Rox and I think she's being serious…'_

'FIVE!'

_'No she's only fooling around…'_

'FOUR!'

_'Um…'_

'THREE!'

_'She wouldn't…'_

'TWO!

_'She couldn't'_

'ONE!'

_'SHE IS!!'_

'RIGHT THAT'S IT!! FLIP-'

'NOOOOOOOOOO! STOP!'Lily came crashing through the door just in time to stop Roxie from firing her spell and breaking down her door. Lilly looked at the time and saw that it was two in the morning, needless to say she wasn't pleased.

'Roxie! It's two in the morning! I've had a really hard day and I need to get some sleep! I'm Head Girl for crying out loud! The amount of duties that need to be carried out tomorrow demand that I get a good rest! And did you know that breaking the schools property can earn you detention? Normally I'd let you slip but breaking my door into tiny pieces isn't exactly easy to fix with the best of spells! And anyway! Why are you waking me up at this time?' Panting from her outburst Lily waited for her friends answer and in that short space of time she saw her, really saw her. Her eyes were bloodshot and weary, her posture was slouched and she looked like she could collapse from exhaustion at any minute.

'Rox, shit I'm sorry…what's wrong?' she said speaking a lot softer then before.

'It's James.' She replied simply. Roxie stood and watched while the blood remaining in Lily's face drained completely.

'Oh my goodness…James…I'd forgotten about…where is he? Is he okay? I bet he hates me doesn't he.' She looked forlornly at her feet expecting the worst but what she heard she couldn't have prepared for.

'Come downstairs, Sirius will tell everyone together. But I'll tell you now so you won't get too much of a shock. James is in a bad way, he's in the hospital wing. He…he might not make it.' Roxie's voice cracked with emotion.

'He might not make it?' Lily repeated slowly as if to help her brain register this information. Roxie just nodded in reply.

Lily's eyes darted around in a panic before she turned and grabbed her robe to put on over her pyjamas.

'Oh my goodness, James I'm coming!' she shouted as she ran through the common room and out of the door.

Lily made it to the Hospital wing in record time, she had sprinted the whole way there frantically wiping at the tears that blinded her on her mission. She burst through the door to find a closed curtain around a bed with Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore standing talking in hushed tones.

They both turned to Lily as she came through the door. Madam Pomfrey looked absolutely livid.

'Miss Evans!' she exclaimed in a harsh whisper. 'Do you have _any_ idea what the time is? What on _earth_ do you think you're doing here at this time? This is a hospital! Not a holiday attraction!' Lily winced at Madam Pomfrey's harsh words but refused to give up. She would see James if it was the last thing she did.

'I've come to see James and I'm not leaving until I do.' She said as evenly as she could through the tears. She even raised her chin a little in defiance. Something she had never done to a teacher or any other authority figure before.

Before Madam Pomfrey could answer Dumbledore turned to her to speak.

'Poppy, surely it wouldn't hurt too much if our Head Girl were to see Mister Potter? I can assure you as you know, that she is a very responsible girl and if she were to get her request she would leave in ten minutes out of respect for the Hospital Wing rules.' He spoke in gentle tones but nevertheless, they were persuasive.

'Fine. Ten minutes and that's it. I've got an emergency spell on Potter so if his condition changes for the worse then I'll be up her in a split second. But for the moment he appears stable, I'm going to get some rest.' She gave the Head Master one more nod then turned on her heel and walked out. Before she went through the door she turned once more to face Lily. 'Ten minutes and no more.'

'Yes Madam Pomfrey.' Lily replied obediently. She took a deep breath and turned to face her Head Master.

'Is he going to be okay, Sir?' she asked timidly. Dumbledore regarded her for a small while before replying.

'I should think so, my dear. And do you know why I know that?' he asked kindly. Lily shook her head.

'Because it doesn't matter how hard you try, you can't get rid of James Potter that easily.' Lily smiled slightly, feeling a little more at ease from Dumbledore's light hearted joke.

'I know exactly what you mean, Professor.' She replied before she could keep in check what she was saying. Lily felt herself blush slightly at her confession and looked up into Dumbledore's eyes. She could see them twinkling even in the dim light of the hospital wing.

Dumbledore walked over to the door to leave when he stopped and turned to her just as Madam Pomfrey had.

'You know, I'm sure that Madam Pomfrey won't mind if you stay a _little_ longer then ten minutes.' He said kindly and with that he left Lily alone.

Remus, Sirius, Jess and Roxie were all in the common room waiting. They had just received an owl from Dumbledore telling them Sirius that he was coming down and he wanted to hear the full story of what had happened over the last few hours and maybe any significant information from before.

Sirius sighed and yawned and begun to think that Dumbledore wasn't going to show up when he walked straight through the door.

'Ahh, Mister Black, I see you're still up as are all your friends. Excellent. No doubt you have told them why I am here. And don't worry about Miss Evans she is with Mr Potter at this moment in time but she shall return shortly. Please, tell me everything that has been going on in my school.' And with that Dumbledore fell silent as Sirius told him all of the events from the moment James had found the damned piece of parchment.

Lily drew back the curtains to James bed and gasped at the sight that met her. James was lying with his head to the side and appeared whiter then the bed sheets themselves. His eyes were shut but thankfully he was breathing normally.

She approached the bed slowly and gingerly sat on the edge. She gently took his hand held it as if it was porcelain.

'Oh James, what have I done to you? What have I done to us? I know you probably can't hear me but I'm going to say this anyway. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything that's happened between us, especially this year. I'm sorry for teasing you at the beginning of the year and berating you for attentions spent on other girls, I'm sorry for starting that fight when I was angry on the first night and saying we couldn't be friends, and I'm so sorry for that time in Hogsmeade when I told you that out kiss meant nothing to me. Because it did, it meant more then you can imagine and that scared me James, it really scared me. From that moment something changed inside of me. That's why I wrote that list on the parchment that you found. Let me tell you now you were not meant to find that. I wanted to deter my feelings for you because I didn't want to get hurt again because I knew that if I let myself get hurt I wouldn't recover and I'd grow old and have cats, and you know what? I don't even particularly _like_ cats!'

The tears cascading down her cheeks were like rivers and a sob caught in her throat making it difficult to speak. She swallowed it all down and carried on with her speech.

'But that's not what hurts me the most. What hurts me the most is that everything I've done to discourage myself I've ended up hurting you in some way. And that makes me feel like the worst person alive because it aches when you hurt the people you love…or the one person you love. I guess what I'm trying to say James…is… is that I hope you wake up soon so I can jump on you and kiss you and start our lives together, if you'll take me that is, because when I look at the future I see you. You and me, and even a little cottage with a child running around. A little James or a little Lily, or both if we have the chance, I don't mind but either way it's with you. No one else. And first thing every day and last thing at night I would tell you how much I love you, then show you how much I love you, because I do James. I love you. There I said it. I love you so much it hurts to be close to you but it hurts even more to be parted from you. I'm going to start now you know. I'm going to tell you now every morning and night how much I love you because I do and I won't ever love anyone else so I really hope you'll take me back. Merlin, I love you.'

She fell silent and silence is all that answered. Another choked sob echoed around the wing. A lone tear rolled down her cheek. She leant over and softly kissed James on the forehead then left his side praying that he would be awake in the morning, hoping and dreading at the same time that he had heard what she had said.

She shut the curtains around his bed and walked out of the wing. The door clicked shut and her foot steps got quieter as she walked away.

But one more sound echoed quietly before falling completely silent for the last time.

'I love you too.'

**A/N: BLOODY HELL THAT TOOK A LONG TIME TO WRITE! BUT I FINALLY ****GOT**** THIS CHAPTER OUT ****AND**** I THINK IT HAD A LOT TO DO WITH MY FRIEND Carly ASKING ME ABOUT IT, SO THIS CAHPTER IS DEDICATED TO YOU MY FRIEND! I LOVE YOU!!! ****AND**** I LOVE THE REST OF YOU, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE ON THIS CHAPTER! ****ONE**** MORE TO GO! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!**

**LUV**** YA!**

**SNAKE XX**


	22. Follow me

**A/N: HEY EVEERYONE, I TOLD YOU I'D UPDATE QUICKER! THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER AND EVEN THOUGH IT'S SAD TO END IT, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO STARTING A NEW PROJECT IF I CAN THINK OF ONE TO DO! **

**THERE'S A REFERENCE TO THE SECOND CHAPTER IN HERE, SO IF YOU'VE FORGOTTEN READ OVER IT IF YOU WANT THE END TO MAKE SENSE! ONE WORD, FLASHBACK!**

**I WANT TO DEDICATE THIS LAST CHAPTER TO MY FRIEND ARCH! YOU KEPT ME GOING WITH THIS STORY HUN! YOU ROCK! ANYWAY,**

**THE SHOW MUST GO ON...**

**Chapter 22**

Black.

That's all James Potter could see.

'_Come on, why is this happening? Why can't I see anything? I can hear people just not see them. That's... that's Madam Pomfrey talking to...er...Dumbledore and Sirius! Sirius! Mate! What's happened to me? I don't understand? Why does everyone sound so worried? I don't remember a thing. I know I'll wave. What? Why...why can't I move? Shit this isn't fun anymore, something serious has happened. Everyone sounds like they're about to cry.'_

Silence.

'_Woah went out for a bit there. Merlin I need to wake up. Surely this is all just a bad dream, why can't I remember anything? Hang on, where's everyone gone? They've all left me! But...no, wait. There's one more voice. It sounds like an angel. Oh no, please don't let me have died, I don't even know why I'm like this? Remember James! REMEMBER! Did you play a plank on Snivellus that went horribly wrong? Nah, doubt it I'm too good at pranks...I AM THE KING!!!! NO! Bad brain! Focus. Okay what did I do... oh but that voice is so distractingly heavenly. Okay, I'll focus on that for a while...'_

'But that's not what hurts me the most. What hurts me the most is that...

'_Oh no, it's Lily. What's she trying to say, I can't hear her properly. Focus brain! Focus!'_

...And that makes me feel like the worst person alive...

'_Hang on; what makes you feel like the worst? I know...it's me isn't it. Great, now I really wanna wake up...not.'_

...or the one person you love. I guess what I'm trying to say James...

'_Yeah yeah, I know, I bet you're in love with someone else, like that Rubin Malvaez dick cheese. Yeah, that's right! I called your husband DICK CHEESE because I reckon he's so far in the closet he's in NARNIA! That's right, I do read and muggle literature at that!'_

...at the future I see you. You and me, and...

'_I'm going to get that dick cheese if that's the last thing I...wait...did you just say me? Me and future...in the same sentence? You and me and what? And what? DAMN IT!'_

...or both if we have the chance, I don't mind but either way it's with you. No one else...

'_Lily, you're starting to scare me...hang on are you crying? No please don't cry, you're making me cry. Or both what? Why can I never hear everything you're saying? _

...because I do James. I...

'_You what, oh please tell me!'_

...There I said it...I...

'_Fucking shit arse goblin!'_

...I'm going to start now you know. I'm going to tell you now every morning and night how much I...

'_How much you what? Hate me? want me? Want to shag me to pieces? What is it?'_

...else so I really hope you'll take me back...

'_Take you back? Lily, of course I'd always take you back, why wouldn't I? Just please tell me what you're trying to say!_

...Merlin, I love you.'

'... _l-love me? Sweet Merlin, why can't I open my eyes, this isn't fair. I love you too, Lily..._

'_I LOVE YOU TOO!'_

James's anguished cry rang through his head, he could hear his own pain in his voice. But he had also felt something else, he had moved ever so slightly and now through the haze that was his surroundings he could feel his throat hurt.

Had he just spoken?

Silence.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

Madam Pomfrey walked in the next morning and in a way was surprised not to see Lily asleep somewhere in the wing. She smirked to herself.

'_Dumbledore must've said something to make her feel like she would have to leave before feeling my 'wrath''_

Madam Pomfrey chuckled to herself then softly peeled back the curtain surrounding James's bed. She looked at his face and gave a start.

There were tears on his cheeks and they looked fresh. Madam Pomfrey put her finger tip into one of the tears that had stopped just by his nose.

'_Still warm!' _Her trail of thought was interrupted by another person entering the wing. She spun around and had a rare smile lighting up her face.

"Albus! Excellent news! James has warm tears which means his memory is still working! Oh this is amazing news!" she turned back around to face James and immediately started running tests on him by casting a number of spells.

"Sorry Madam Pomfrey but why is it amazing that his memory is working?" Sirius's voice, uncharacteristically small and weak from a night of worrying, came from the entrance to the Hospital wing.

"It means, Mister Black, that you're friend here is going to pull through and make a one hundred percent recovery."

The smile on Sirius's face was so big you could hardly see his eyes.

"Haha! Holy shit! He's going to live! After everything that's happened he's going to be okay! I've got to go and tell the others." He was just about to run off when he was halted in his tracks by the Headmaster's voice.

"Master Black. I just thought you might have wanted to know that Leonardo McNairy has been taken care of by the aurors. He was involved in a lot of drug deals to both Muggles and magical folk alike. No doubt you have saved a lot of lives, so I'm going to award you with one hundred and ten points to Gryffindor for acts of honesty and bravery." Dumbledore could see that Sirius was speechless, it had been a long time since he had been awarded points. However, he did seem slightly confused.

"Sir, if you don't mind my saying, one hundred and ten points is an odd number to give... any reason for that?" The smirk on his face became even more pronounced as he saw the twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes increase.

"As a matter of fact there is, ten points from Gryffindor for swearing in the presence of a lady. You are dismissed." He could barely contain his chuckle as he saw Sirius's smirk turn back into his blinding smile.

"Yes sir!" He exclaimed while saluting, before running out of the hospital wing at a full sprint.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

**CRASH!**

"FUCKING ARSEHOLE! Who put the sofa there?" Sirius cried out while clutching his leg.

"It's always been there you tosser! And why the hell are you up before breakfast? That's a rare occurrence if I've ever seen one," Came Remus's muffled reply from his bedroom.

"Oh, well in that case, we should move the sofa, it's dangerous. And anyway, like I was planning to say... ahem hem...

EVERYBODY WAKE UP! QUICK! THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU! NOW COME DOWN! ITS ABOUT JAMES, I REPEAT NEWS ABOUT JAMES!"

Doors banged open as everyone fell over themselves to get into the common room. To his surprise Roxie was there as well. It seemed as though Roxie had bunked with Lily and obviously Jess had stayed with Remus.

"Hmm, was I the only one to go back to Gryffindor tower last night?" He asked Roxie.

"Yeah you were, sorry babe, but never mind that, tell us about James." Her voice still slightly rough from sleep sent shivers down Sirius's spine and straight to, well, slightly below his waist. He then realised how much he had needed Roxie through this whole escapade.

"Well, I barged in on a conversation between Pomfrey and Dumbledore. And well long story short, he's going to make a one hundred percent recovery!" He jumped up with the rest as they all embraced together. Roxie and Jess were crying into each other's arms and the boys were patting each other's back. It was an emotional moment for the whole group.

A few minutes later they all pulled back and saw that Lily was still sitting on the sofa. There were tears streaming down her fair cheeks, her bottom lip quivering.

"Lily flower, what's wrong?"

"He's going to be alright, he's going to be fine. Oh my goodness, I thought I'd lost him, but I haven't." Her smile radiated through her tears making her look happier then she had been in a long while.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

Lily kept her promise to James, she told him every morning and every night that she loved him, and even though she was always alone and James still hadn't woken up, she felt more at piece every time.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

A week passed and James still hadn't woken up, however, every time someone enquired Madam Pomfrey would say how he was making progress and it would be any day now.

Lily was encouraged by this news and could feel the change in him. One morning he had tightened his grip after Lily had slipped her hand into his. This episode alone had nearly given Madam Pomfrey a heart attack due to Lily screaming for her to come over.

After this small incident Madam Pomfrey said it was in everyone's interest for James to be left alone with no visitors so that he could wake up without being startled awake. Apparently this could have dire consequences.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

Lily was making her way through her rounds, she was ecstatic. An announcement that morning had informed the whole school that James had in fact woken up but was still not allowed to see anybody as he was still fragile. Everyone had cheered (save the Slytherins' who had booed and hissed) but were slightly perturbed about the fact that they couldn't see James until he was out of the wing for another couple of days.

Lily was anxious as well as excited to see him.

'_I wonder how he'll react. Will he hate me for what I did to him? Or will he forgive me? Could he hear what I said to him when he was unconscious? Oh goodness me, I'm all in a flutter!' _She giggled out loud to herself and received an odd look from an on looking painting.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

Lily was seated at breakfast the next day and was surrounded by Jess, Sirius, Remus and Roxie. They all had a definite glint to their eyes and a smirk on their face.

"Okay, spill it. What's going on already?!" she looked around at the group waiting for an answer.

"Going on? I'm not aware of anything going on, how about you Moony?" Sirius asked innocently.

"Why of course not Padfoot, I know nothing of anything out of the ordinary. How about you girls?" he looked enquiringly over to Roxie and Jess.

"Nope, not that I'm aware of." Answered Jess

"Absolutely fuck all." Explained Roxie.

Lily lifted a sceptical eyebrow.

"You know I don't believe a word any of you are saying don't you." She said flatly.

"Well, I do believe I have an essay to be getting on with, that really horrible potions one that Monoghen set us." Remus got up to leave and was followed by the other three. Lily stayed seated out of confusion.

"But I'm _in_ your potions class and I'm not aware of any essay being set! What on earth is going on?"

"Er...um...well you see..." Stuttered Remus.

"It's extra credit." Sirius said while flashing one of his trademark grins. You could practically hear the Hufflepuff girls swoon. With that said the four friends walked out of the Great Hall leaving Lily completely perplexed.

"Why is it that I'm always left alone?" she sighed under her breath. Feeling left out she lost her appetite and decided to make her way to her bedroom. AS it was a Saturday she figured she would get the weeks homework done.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

"Did she suspect anything? Were you subtle?"

"No we weren't subtle and she suspected the world of us." Replied the cheerful voice.

"You're kidding right?"

"Actually I'm not."

"You suck balls Padfoot."

"Actually I don't considering Roxie hasn't got any, but I do however suck other things."

"Slightly off topic."

"You're right, good luck mate, I mean it"

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

Lily lay down on her bed with parchment all around her. She glared at all the words and then at the quill willing them with her mind to kick start her into working mode.

She let out a disgruntled sigh and gave up. Banishing all of her school stuff to her bag and desk.

"What the hell were they up to? This isn't fair! Why have they left me out?!"

She gave a jump when her door slammed open. She turned to see who was standing there but saw no one.

"H-hello? Who's there?"

No reply.

Something tickled her back and she screamed as she spun around. Her wand drawn against her intruder. She let out a relieved laugh as she saw a paper aeroplane flying in circles. Obviously a message was enclosed for her.

She grabbed the parchment out of the air and opened it. There were only two words written.

_Follow me_

As soon as Lily had red the paper it turned back into the aeroplane and started to fly out of the room. She grabbed her robe and ran after it. As soon as she was outside the Heads' Quarters the parchment started spouting Lily petals. She gasped. This was all too familiar.

Nevertheless, she still flowed the parchment it was taking her up higher and higher into the castle. Her breath started to come in shortened bursts but not form exertion. It was from realisation of where she was being taken.

'_This better not be a joke.'_

She arrived outside the door leading to the stairs of the astronomy tower. She looked up at the parchment, it had started circling again. She went to reach up for it to check if there definitely wasn't any more writing but it burst into flames just as she was in reach.

'_Oh well, I guess the only way is up. Nothing to lose...I think.'_ Uncertainty had settled in with Lily along with anticipation of what was in store for her up those stairs. She took a deep breath and opened the door to start her ascent.

Five minutes later she came to the last obstacle preventing her from being at the top of the astronomy tower. She took another deep breathe to calm her nerves and pushed the door open.

She gasped at what she saw.

James Potter was standing by the window holding a bouquet of Lily flowers. He smiled shyly and held them forward for her to take. She stepped forward and took the flowers but remained speechless. James spoke for her.

"Okay, I don't really know how to go about this considering our situation, so I'm just going to say what I feel." He took a deep breath to calm himself. Lily braced herself for what he was about to say.

"I heard everything you said to me while I was unconscious. Even that first night. I remember that I never heard the important bits until the end. At first I thought it was an angel speaking to me. I thought I'd died. But it was you. I heard you every time after that. Saying how you felt and even though I knew it was you, I couldn't help but think I was in heaven. I could still think clearly while I was out, but I couldn't se anything but darkness and I couldn't move a muscle. But every time you spoke to me or touched me, I could feel the darkness lifting. And when I heard your scream of joy after I had managed to squeeze your hand it elated me to no end."

He paused as he saw tears coursing down Lily's cheeks as she held the flowers tight to her chest. He had never seen such a beautiful sight. He felt a lump in his throat but still dared to carry on. He stepped closer.

"You are the reason I'm standing here Lily, no one else. Of course you are the reason I was there in the first place..."

"I'm so sorry." She whispered. James was so close now. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed away the two tears that had escaped after the others.

"Don't be sorry. Consider us even after seven years of hell from me." He smiled as she laughed softly and leant into his embrace.

"Look at me Lily." He said hoarsely. She did.

"I want everything you want and everything you'll give me. This year made me realise what it is I've been missing." A tear leaked from his eye but he had no shame.

"Merlin Lils, what I'm trying to say is that I love you." He waited for what seemed an eternity for her reply.

"I love you too James. Words cannot express what I feel for you." And with that she broke down into his arms and sobbed while he kissed her hair softly whispering sweet nothings. When she had calmed down enough he tilted her head up with the end of his finger.

"You don't know how happy you've made me."

Then he kissed her. He kissed her so softly yet it held so much passion and feeling Lily could feel her heart sing. After the need for air became too great they pulled away and looked into each others eyes.

"Lily, be mine. By my first and be my only true love, for it's always been so."

Lily replied with a soft smile and one simple word.

"Always."

fin

**A/N: WELL THAT'S THE END OF THAT RIDE, AND WHAT A FUN ONE IT WAS. I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE WHO READ THIS AND DOUBLY THANK EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED. I LOVE YOU ALL! I CURRENTLY HAVE NO IDEA AS TO WHAT TO WRITE NEXT SO IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS I'LL GLADLY LOOK OVER THEM.**

**THANK YOU AGAIN TO EVERYONE, THIS WAS ALL DONE FOR YOU.**

**LUV YA!**

**SNAKE XXXX**


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